Cross posting for my LJ friends.
I hate MS!
Okay.
Anyone who knows me, knows I don't discuss my health very often. It was only a couple of years ago I finally admitted to having MS to most of my online friends, and it was only very recently that I decided to get involved in the fight against the disease that I've had for over 25 years. I'm blessed to have the remitting/relapsing type so I'm not very 'disabled' even after all this time, and I try very hard to pretend I don't have it at all. I hate to use my cane, and will only do so when I absolutely have to. I hate to admit to the fatigue, the spasms in my leg, the loss of balance, or the clumsiness, all of which are pretty well part of my daily life.
I hate this disease, and as I think about it I realize that hating it as I do has probably kept me as 'healthy' as I am. I refuse to let it win. Each time I've had an attack that has knocked me flat, I've refused to stay down. I know that I can't conquer the phyical deterioration that occurs. but I can sure as hell fight against it, and try to get back to normal as soon as possible. My normal.
Which bring me to why I'm so angry today.
I registered to do the Supercities Walk for MS recently. I'm only walking 5k, which translates into 3.1m. That's not far, and I know I can do it, even if I do end up using the hated 'cane'. I discovered one of my normal walking routes is over 2k anyway. It's time that I got busy, got involved. I need to take action in some way, and this is just the start for me, so for the past three days I've walked 3k. I live in a really pretty neighbourhood, so walking here is easy even though it snowed on Tuesday, and was really cold on Wednesday. I was really tired after walking yesterday, but didn't think much of it until severe spasms in my right leg kept me awake most the night, and have continued today.
This isn't fair!
My husband suggested I just take it easy today, and I have to admit that I don't think I could walk far anyway since it's bitterly cold, but I don't want to take it easy! I want to walk everyday, and get stronger, and eventually get up to 5k daily. I want to do this fundraising walk with energy to spare and be smiling at the end of it.
I feel like yelling, and throwing things, and crying. I feel like stamping my foot, and pouting. I feel like I'm finally starting the final steps to taking back control of my life only to get pushed off the path. I've been mentally energised since signing up for the walk, and it's been a great feeling; one I've not had for a long time.
I know it's not the end of the world, and probably by the weekend I'll be fine again, but I needed to get this out. I've found that writing when I'm angry it is a lot healthier than throwing my keyboard through the window. Unfortunately.
My friends know I'm not looking for sympathy, just a willing ear, so thanks for listening.
Okay.
Anyone who knows me, knows I don't discuss my health very often. It was only a couple of years ago I finally admitted to having MS to most of my online friends, and it was only very recently that I decided to get involved in the fight against the disease that I've had for over 25 years. I'm blessed to have the remitting/relapsing type so I'm not very 'disabled' even after all this time, and I try very hard to pretend I don't have it at all. I hate to use my cane, and will only do so when I absolutely have to. I hate to admit to the fatigue, the spasms in my leg, the loss of balance, or the clumsiness, all of which are pretty well part of my daily life.
I hate this disease, and as I think about it I realize that hating it as I do has probably kept me as 'healthy' as I am. I refuse to let it win. Each time I've had an attack that has knocked me flat, I've refused to stay down. I know that I can't conquer the phyical deterioration that occurs. but I can sure as hell fight against it, and try to get back to normal as soon as possible. My normal.
Which bring me to why I'm so angry today.
I registered to do the Supercities Walk for MS recently. I'm only walking 5k, which translates into 3.1m. That's not far, and I know I can do it, even if I do end up using the hated 'cane'. I discovered one of my normal walking routes is over 2k anyway. It's time that I got busy, got involved. I need to take action in some way, and this is just the start for me, so for the past three days I've walked 3k. I live in a really pretty neighbourhood, so walking here is easy even though it snowed on Tuesday, and was really cold on Wednesday. I was really tired after walking yesterday, but didn't think much of it until severe spasms in my right leg kept me awake most the night, and have continued today.
This isn't fair!
My husband suggested I just take it easy today, and I have to admit that I don't think I could walk far anyway since it's bitterly cold, but I don't want to take it easy! I want to walk everyday, and get stronger, and eventually get up to 5k daily. I want to do this fundraising walk with energy to spare and be smiling at the end of it.
I feel like yelling, and throwing things, and crying. I feel like stamping my foot, and pouting. I feel like I'm finally starting the final steps to taking back control of my life only to get pushed off the path. I've been mentally energised since signing up for the walk, and it's been a great feeling; one I've not had for a long time.
I know it's not the end of the world, and probably by the weekend I'll be fine again, but I needed to get this out. I've found that writing when I'm angry it is a lot healthier than throwing my keyboard through the window. Unfortunately.
My friends know I'm not looking for sympathy, just a willing ear, so thanks for listening.