life
My mom told me today on the phone that tomorrow her and my dad want to have a talk with me and my sister. I asked her what it was about and she wouldn't tell me, all she said was she was getting sick and tired of our shit. I asked her what she meant and she wouldn't tell me. Okay then.
Yeah. I'm sick of our shit too. I'm sick of everyone's shit. I'm sick of everything. This summer went by too fast. Now it's time to go back to school.
I can't wait til next week. I need to get away. I don't really want to come back. But I know I have to eventually. Oh well. We will enjoy those four days while they last. I know it will go by really fast.
I need to make some changes in my life. And even though I'm not too thrilled about going back to school, it is a different school. It's college. Not a university, so it's not like I'm leaving or anything, but it is different. So maybe I will meet new people and make more friends, and then get all my shit together and figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm thinking about journalism, but who knows, I always change my mind, and I've never really been good at anything. School is not my thing, it never has been. I've never been all for it, and I've never been all for life's obligations.
I hope I don't go downhill again. I hope I don't get myself in that mindset that life is nothing but an obligation.
Because if you think about it, life has many obligations. You just gotta deal with it. That's what living is.
But what's the point in going to school when you don't like it, only to get an education to start a career you may hate in the end? You make like the job at first, but not for long, because it's work. Soon it'll just be a hassle, and you'll be there just for the paycheck. And why? Because you need to pay for life's obligations, like bills, and whatnot. Because if you don't, then you don't have anything. No electricity, no phone, no car, nothing. But what difference would it make if you had those things? Would you really be happier with them? It's not about the material things. Money can't buy happiness. Money can't buy love. What will make me happy is that I have someone to share my life with - some to stay by my side through thick and thin, the good times and bad. It's us against the world, and we can make it worth living if we have people who care about us. Otherwise, without love, without friends, without any social interaction, you got nothing. Maybe it's different for some people. Some are antisocial. But for me, I love being with people. I'm a social person. I hate being alone. I always have. The only reason why I liked school was because it was a place to see people and hang out with friends - I didn't do shit in high school, I only liked the social aspect of it.
I sound really immature. I have lots of growing up to do, I know this. I guess all I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter what you do, and it doesn't matter what things you have, or what kind of place you live in. At least not to me it doesn't. I'm happy right now because I have people in my life that I care deeply about. I have Sergio, I have my friends, and I have family. Everything else is not that great, I hate my job, I hate being at home, I'm bored out of my fucking mind here and I wanna go out and see the world. But without people, I'd be very unhappy.
And when I go downhill and start sinking back into my depression, I feel very alone, I never have anybody who understands - no one wants to deal with it. For some reason, people always seem to think that it has to be their problem too, and it doesn't. It's my problem and I will deal with it. I just need people to be there for me. Not help me. No one can help me. Only I can help me. But I've never had someone who stayed there no matter what, and just listened, and let me get through it on my own. People always pushed me to get better. They always pushed me to think positive, and fed me all this crap. That, or they'd just push me away, and I end up being alone. And I'd have no one. But I've always pulled through. Because then in the end when no one else cared, my family did. They still don't understand, fine, they don't have to. But at least they care.
I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore, I don't know what my message is. I'm just writing what's on my mind. I don't know what my point is, I think I already made it, but then I went off on a tangent. Whatever. That's all I have to say. I'm going to go clean now, the house and myself.
Yeah. I'm sick of our shit too. I'm sick of everyone's shit. I'm sick of everything. This summer went by too fast. Now it's time to go back to school.
I can't wait til next week. I need to get away. I don't really want to come back. But I know I have to eventually. Oh well. We will enjoy those four days while they last. I know it will go by really fast.
I need to make some changes in my life. And even though I'm not too thrilled about going back to school, it is a different school. It's college. Not a university, so it's not like I'm leaving or anything, but it is different. So maybe I will meet new people and make more friends, and then get all my shit together and figure out what I want to do with my life. I'm thinking about journalism, but who knows, I always change my mind, and I've never really been good at anything. School is not my thing, it never has been. I've never been all for it, and I've never been all for life's obligations.
I hope I don't go downhill again. I hope I don't get myself in that mindset that life is nothing but an obligation.
Because if you think about it, life has many obligations. You just gotta deal with it. That's what living is.
But what's the point in going to school when you don't like it, only to get an education to start a career you may hate in the end? You make like the job at first, but not for long, because it's work. Soon it'll just be a hassle, and you'll be there just for the paycheck. And why? Because you need to pay for life's obligations, like bills, and whatnot. Because if you don't, then you don't have anything. No electricity, no phone, no car, nothing. But what difference would it make if you had those things? Would you really be happier with them? It's not about the material things. Money can't buy happiness. Money can't buy love. What will make me happy is that I have someone to share my life with - some to stay by my side through thick and thin, the good times and bad. It's us against the world, and we can make it worth living if we have people who care about us. Otherwise, without love, without friends, without any social interaction, you got nothing. Maybe it's different for some people. Some are antisocial. But for me, I love being with people. I'm a social person. I hate being alone. I always have. The only reason why I liked school was because it was a place to see people and hang out with friends - I didn't do shit in high school, I only liked the social aspect of it.
I sound really immature. I have lots of growing up to do, I know this. I guess all I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter what you do, and it doesn't matter what things you have, or what kind of place you live in. At least not to me it doesn't. I'm happy right now because I have people in my life that I care deeply about. I have Sergio, I have my friends, and I have family. Everything else is not that great, I hate my job, I hate being at home, I'm bored out of my fucking mind here and I wanna go out and see the world. But without people, I'd be very unhappy.
And when I go downhill and start sinking back into my depression, I feel very alone, I never have anybody who understands - no one wants to deal with it. For some reason, people always seem to think that it has to be their problem too, and it doesn't. It's my problem and I will deal with it. I just need people to be there for me. Not help me. No one can help me. Only I can help me. But I've never had someone who stayed there no matter what, and just listened, and let me get through it on my own. People always pushed me to get better. They always pushed me to think positive, and fed me all this crap. That, or they'd just push me away, and I end up being alone. And I'd have no one. But I've always pulled through. Because then in the end when no one else cared, my family did. They still don't understand, fine, they don't have to. But at least they care.
I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore, I don't know what my message is. I'm just writing what's on my mind. I don't know what my point is, I think I already made it, but then I went off on a tangent. Whatever. That's all I have to say. I'm going to go clean now, the house and myself.