(no subject)
What a depressing journal. But at the same time, the only time I write posts here is when I have something on my mind and want to express it without... expressing it.
I think I need to research manic depression. I'm starting to think I could possibly fit into that catagory. I was doing good a couple weeks ago. I actually felt happier than I had in quite a while. But the last week or so I'm back to being in a shitty mindset. Then again, more than likely my current state is brought on from a weekend of binge drinking and sleep deprivation. Plus ample time to think about the last couple months.
Hey I got a question for any single people that read this... Am I the only person who feels really sad and lonely when they see a happy ending in a movie and the "hero", or "heroine", gets the girl, or guy they wanted? I always just assume eventually someone else will come along and they'll get left behind anyways, and then I feel better. Is that wierd?
I seriously hate winter. Not because of the fact that it is winter, but because it's the season that I always struggle with mentally. As long as I can recall, shit always hits the fan in winter. Every severe issue or problem arrises sometime between september and december. I could easily list off things in my head, but there's no real need for that. I'm definetly not looking forward to the next 5 months of cold dark nights alone. /sigh
One thing I can think of that I want to brush off... What the fuck is with that guy? He's an awesome friend and ... blah blah blah. But seriously, who uses drugs as a way of expressing someone as being dependable. And then when I don't really do drugs much calls me not dependable. Maybe he was just drunk... but that actually hurt. I probably should have told him that to his face... but fuck it.
Oh... So, I hate myself at the moment because it's over 2 years and honestly, I love Raina. I still talk to her on occasion. And actually still manage to cheer her up after her and her boyfriend fight. I'm at the point now where I think that's just going to remain a fact of life. What I need to do is learn that I can't expect anyone else to be her. It's fully possible to love more than one person in my opinion... Maybe that's actually what made me depressed again though. It's tough to realize that kind of thing.
I conclude that I feel pretty small right now, and feel more-so that people can't be trusted (not the exact word I want to use but lacking a better one) including myself.
I think I need to research manic depression. I'm starting to think I could possibly fit into that catagory. I was doing good a couple weeks ago. I actually felt happier than I had in quite a while. But the last week or so I'm back to being in a shitty mindset. Then again, more than likely my current state is brought on from a weekend of binge drinking and sleep deprivation. Plus ample time to think about the last couple months.
Hey I got a question for any single people that read this... Am I the only person who feels really sad and lonely when they see a happy ending in a movie and the "hero", or "heroine", gets the girl, or guy they wanted? I always just assume eventually someone else will come along and they'll get left behind anyways, and then I feel better. Is that wierd?
I seriously hate winter. Not because of the fact that it is winter, but because it's the season that I always struggle with mentally. As long as I can recall, shit always hits the fan in winter. Every severe issue or problem arrises sometime between september and december. I could easily list off things in my head, but there's no real need for that. I'm definetly not looking forward to the next 5 months of cold dark nights alone. /sigh
One thing I can think of that I want to brush off... What the fuck is with that guy? He's an awesome friend and ... blah blah blah. But seriously, who uses drugs as a way of expressing someone as being dependable. And then when I don't really do drugs much calls me not dependable. Maybe he was just drunk... but that actually hurt. I probably should have told him that to his face... but fuck it.
Oh... So, I hate myself at the moment because it's over 2 years and honestly, I love Raina. I still talk to her on occasion. And actually still manage to cheer her up after her and her boyfriend fight. I'm at the point now where I think that's just going to remain a fact of life. What I need to do is learn that I can't expect anyone else to be her. It's fully possible to love more than one person in my opinion... Maybe that's actually what made me depressed again though. It's tough to realize that kind of thing.
I conclude that I feel pretty small right now, and feel more-so that people can't be trusted (not the exact word I want to use but lacking a better one) including myself.