(no subject)
i had a very profound realization tonight. i finally learned to understand non-understanding. i never thought about it until i was looking at a piece of artwork online, and i looked at it....and looked at it....and just kept thinking about how much it appealed to me visually. i am a person who tries to understand everything in my world thoroughly, so i attempted to figure out why it was so appealing to me. after a long while, i still couldnt figure it out, and then i realized that i didn't need to. i understood that the beauty of the art was not in my understanding of it, rather than my misunderstanding of it. beauty, along with many other difficultly understood ideas, is one of those things that i think can never really be completely understood, and sometimes attempting to do so can take the beauty away from it. i have learned this idea is also true with love to some extent. unfortunately enough our society has placed ideas into our minds that lead to concepts of attraction and social interaction that make it partially necessary to understand (that is if you ever want to have a relationship). but in the end, the more you think about the idea of love, the more it takes away from the idea itself. love in my mind is quite simple. when something, for no other reason than existing, becomes more important than yourself. im sure there is much more to it than that, but why waste time thinking about it, and why not get out in life and try to just live it for yourself.
somewhat on that same note, i have been weighing everything out in my head about me moving out to SF....i have decided that unless some very prominent reason comes up for me to stay, then i am going to leave in february. i have been thinking about it a lot, and as many reasons as i have to stay, i havent found any that stand out as being something that i can get past. the friends i still have here i rarely see. the girls who i show interest in are all out of reach for one reason or another, my parents and i have hardly been a family for a while now, and my job is easily replaced, and the chances for meeting any new people who might change any of these facts becomes less and less likely the longer i am here.
the candle of my old life is almost burned up
and its time to light a new life for myself
the problem is keeping the flame alive
while i find another candle to burn on
somewhat on that same note, i have been weighing everything out in my head about me moving out to SF....i have decided that unless some very prominent reason comes up for me to stay, then i am going to leave in february. i have been thinking about it a lot, and as many reasons as i have to stay, i havent found any that stand out as being something that i can get past. the friends i still have here i rarely see. the girls who i show interest in are all out of reach for one reason or another, my parents and i have hardly been a family for a while now, and my job is easily replaced, and the chances for meeting any new people who might change any of these facts becomes less and less likely the longer i am here.
the candle of my old life is almost burned up
and its time to light a new life for myself
the problem is keeping the flame alive
while i find another candle to burn on