Dream it All To Hell
I met this guy, his name is Eric...blah blah blah..... I talked to him a few times he seemed nice...blah blah blah...... I met him in person and like usual..... not so much. Greasey looking, nasty hair..... poor dress... even for being after work at a Lonestar. Yeah so that went well.
I fucking hate the dating game. I really really do. And now I have to find something to match what I felt for someone that can't and will never feel that for me.
Actually that's why I'm updating, not about Eric, not to rant, but to get down some of these dreams I've had recently.
1. I'm hanging out with Paul and for what ever reason we decide to go to Lancaster. The trip wasnt on any of the usual roads but we got there fine and I seemed to know where I was going so maybe my mind improvised. We get there and we realize that Paul has work soon so we hightail it home. In the dream Paul has all kinds of dirt bikes in a setting that can easily be described as Johnny Blazes apertment (from Ghost Rider). I take one and head out while he's at work. Eventually I come to the dream's version of Aaron's mother's house and I sit of the front step. I'm not sure what I was waiting for but after a while his mother sees me and comes up to me.
"Hey you, how have you been. I would hug you but he's sleeping right there"
At this point I realize that I somehow in her living room and he is sleeping curled up in a chair. As I realize this I turn to walk away and he open his eyes. I leave the house, get on the bike and ride off. As I hit a nearby traffic light I see that a car (presuambly his) is exiting their garage.
"Shit, he's gonna follow me" I think to myself.
And he does. Finally I pull up at my house and he gets out of the his car...... I see his handsome little face and wake up.
2. I'm going to church to see Neil preach, something that one day I probably will do, and see Aaron there. I aviod him most of the time then he catched up to me.
"I didnt want it to end this way" I say looking at my feet
"I didnt want it to end." he replies as pulls me into a kiss.
I wake up.
3. Months from now I get a phone call. It's Aaron telling me that he got a new car. I know this already because his sister told me. I brush that off with an "okay, whatever" repsonse to which he retaliates with,
"I thought you off all people would be happy about this." a line I used on him after I changed my major
"Did you fucking do it for me?" I alter the line he used on me in the "major" discussion
"No, but I thought you'd be happy."
"Why? Why would 'I off all people' be happy Aaron now has a new car? Will this benefit me at all? I think that's unlikely. I mean granted you having a car has is pros in cons.... but those are for you, not me. The Pro being that now you get venture a little further for one night stands and twinky tricks to get ur kicks, the con of course being that you now dont have mommy to shofer your selfish ass around"
"You wanna fucking back up"
"NO I DONT SO STOP FUCKING ASKING ME THAT! You call me months after you get a car for what? To rub it in my face? Charming, thank you for that. Than what expect me be like 'oh yay aaron has a car lets have a fuckign party'? Fuck that."
"You know I just realized? You've become the guy I was always scares you would be."
"No Aaron, you became that guy."
After that I hung up.... he hates being hung up on.
After that chat we talked a few more times. Like the first one, he would call me and we would get along for about 5 seconds then we reem on each other which proved to be oddly healthy because it got shit out on the table. The difference with the other conversations was that we would nicer at the end. Well, more passive aggressive so as not to give the other person the feeling that they didnt like being on the phone with them.
One day I'm at work at PJ my cell rings, It's a 717 number that I dont recognize so I answer thinking maybe he's in trouble. But no, it's his mother.
"Hey Paul, it's Maureen."
"Umm, hi howr u?"
"Not so well actually"
"I'm sorry to hear that"
"Yes, well let me tell you my problem. See my baby, my first born son, my Aaron had to leave work early and come home today because his body hurt from stress."
"I've had that happen, is he okay?"
"Well he's sleeping right now, but he hasn't eaten and when I asked him what was wrong he kept tell me nothing. Until about 20 minutes ago, he went to his room and asked me 'Mom, do you think Paul is worth this pain?' I told him that no man was worth this pain"
I sat there in silence. I felt horrible that I has caused him this pain, on some level I was glad he understand. I dont like the idea of him hurting... just understanding.. which make it so much better right.
"Do you love me son?" she asked me
"I always have"
"Then what the problem now? He loves you, you love him. I know you too can make it work, I saw how good you were to him."
"We have to see were it takes us"
"Okay. Maybe you could come over for dinner next week?"
"If he was the one inviting me then I would gladly say yes but if he doesnt want me there... then I dont want to be there."
"I understand and I hope that you two are taken somewhere good, I'm gonna go check on him.
"Okay, nice talking to you"
At this point the dream splits to her and Aaron instead of returning to me at work.
"Who was on the phone" Aaron asks
"An old friend, I asked them to dinner."
"Are they coming? Do I know them?"
"They aren't and I'm not really sure sure if you them. Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah"
"Why are you trying so hard?"
He look up at her with an expression of pure sorrow, "It's my turn"
The next day he calls me to ask me what I'm doing. At the time I'm preparing to go see Brianna which he asks me to cancle because he want to take me out to dinner. After I realize that he is coming here and taking me to Macoroni Grill I get a bit intrigued and accept.
We arrive and order and talk for a while, all nice polite conversation.... the dream is fuzzy after that, I kno that there is more I just cant remember it.
Well that was what I needed to get out.
Final Thought: I dreams have a funny way of showing me what will never be
-Paul
I fucking hate the dating game. I really really do. And now I have to find something to match what I felt for someone that can't and will never feel that for me.
Actually that's why I'm updating, not about Eric, not to rant, but to get down some of these dreams I've had recently.
1. I'm hanging out with Paul and for what ever reason we decide to go to Lancaster. The trip wasnt on any of the usual roads but we got there fine and I seemed to know where I was going so maybe my mind improvised. We get there and we realize that Paul has work soon so we hightail it home. In the dream Paul has all kinds of dirt bikes in a setting that can easily be described as Johnny Blazes apertment (from Ghost Rider). I take one and head out while he's at work. Eventually I come to the dream's version of Aaron's mother's house and I sit of the front step. I'm not sure what I was waiting for but after a while his mother sees me and comes up to me.
"Hey you, how have you been. I would hug you but he's sleeping right there"
At this point I realize that I somehow in her living room and he is sleeping curled up in a chair. As I realize this I turn to walk away and he open his eyes. I leave the house, get on the bike and ride off. As I hit a nearby traffic light I see that a car (presuambly his) is exiting their garage.
"Shit, he's gonna follow me" I think to myself.
And he does. Finally I pull up at my house and he gets out of the his car...... I see his handsome little face and wake up.
2. I'm going to church to see Neil preach, something that one day I probably will do, and see Aaron there. I aviod him most of the time then he catched up to me.
"I didnt want it to end this way" I say looking at my feet
"I didnt want it to end." he replies as pulls me into a kiss.
I wake up.
3. Months from now I get a phone call. It's Aaron telling me that he got a new car. I know this already because his sister told me. I brush that off with an "okay, whatever" repsonse to which he retaliates with,
"I thought you off all people would be happy about this." a line I used on him after I changed my major
"Did you fucking do it for me?" I alter the line he used on me in the "major" discussion
"No, but I thought you'd be happy."
"Why? Why would 'I off all people' be happy Aaron now has a new car? Will this benefit me at all? I think that's unlikely. I mean granted you having a car has is pros in cons.... but those are for you, not me. The Pro being that now you get venture a little further for one night stands and twinky tricks to get ur kicks, the con of course being that you now dont have mommy to shofer your selfish ass around"
"You wanna fucking back up"
"NO I DONT SO STOP FUCKING ASKING ME THAT! You call me months after you get a car for what? To rub it in my face? Charming, thank you for that. Than what expect me be like 'oh yay aaron has a car lets have a fuckign party'? Fuck that."
"You know I just realized? You've become the guy I was always scares you would be."
"No Aaron, you became that guy."
After that I hung up.... he hates being hung up on.
After that chat we talked a few more times. Like the first one, he would call me and we would get along for about 5 seconds then we reem on each other which proved to be oddly healthy because it got shit out on the table. The difference with the other conversations was that we would nicer at the end. Well, more passive aggressive so as not to give the other person the feeling that they didnt like being on the phone with them.
One day I'm at work at PJ my cell rings, It's a 717 number that I dont recognize so I answer thinking maybe he's in trouble. But no, it's his mother.
"Hey Paul, it's Maureen."
"Umm, hi howr u?"
"Not so well actually"
"I'm sorry to hear that"
"Yes, well let me tell you my problem. See my baby, my first born son, my Aaron had to leave work early and come home today because his body hurt from stress."
"I've had that happen, is he okay?"
"Well he's sleeping right now, but he hasn't eaten and when I asked him what was wrong he kept tell me nothing. Until about 20 minutes ago, he went to his room and asked me 'Mom, do you think Paul is worth this pain?' I told him that no man was worth this pain"
I sat there in silence. I felt horrible that I has caused him this pain, on some level I was glad he understand. I dont like the idea of him hurting... just understanding.. which make it so much better right.
"Do you love me son?" she asked me
"I always have"
"Then what the problem now? He loves you, you love him. I know you too can make it work, I saw how good you were to him."
"We have to see were it takes us"
"Okay. Maybe you could come over for dinner next week?"
"If he was the one inviting me then I would gladly say yes but if he doesnt want me there... then I dont want to be there."
"I understand and I hope that you two are taken somewhere good, I'm gonna go check on him.
"Okay, nice talking to you"
At this point the dream splits to her and Aaron instead of returning to me at work.
"Who was on the phone" Aaron asks
"An old friend, I asked them to dinner."
"Are they coming? Do I know them?"
"They aren't and I'm not really sure sure if you them. Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah"
"Why are you trying so hard?"
He look up at her with an expression of pure sorrow, "It's my turn"
The next day he calls me to ask me what I'm doing. At the time I'm preparing to go see Brianna which he asks me to cancle because he want to take me out to dinner. After I realize that he is coming here and taking me to Macoroni Grill I get a bit intrigued and accept.
We arrive and order and talk for a while, all nice polite conversation.... the dream is fuzzy after that, I kno that there is more I just cant remember it.
Well that was what I needed to get out.
Final Thought: I dreams have a funny way of showing me what will never be
-Paul