(no subject)
My allergies are trying ot kill me
i could barely sleep last night, i cant breathe out of my nose my throat hurts and i have a head ache
i hhhhhhhate allergies!
Tomorrow is our year and a half anniversary and i cant even enjoy it cause i'm miserable from being sick, we're not even sure what the hell we're doing all we know is i'm allowed to gohang out. Idki figured calm down and ask my mom after my panic attack, and she said fine.
this monday i'll have gone 2 weeks without cutting
I'm not very proud of that for two reasons, one being it should be longer..i should say '6 months' or something...and the other thing is idk how much longer i can go without doing it, its to the point where i'm willing to go to some store and buy a little box of razors saying its for an art project, its like when you dont have what you need, youw ant it so much more.
I think its better i talk about it though...idk maybe it'l help?
i still have 'Bright Red Scream'
but i wont read it anymore, its so triggering cause everythings justified why they cut and hurt themselves, so then its just like hey you can do it to you have enough reasons
its like i know i have a problem which is probably why i'm still hiding it from people...if i cut the only person i tell is Mike..no one on the internet, no friends from school..just Mike..thats it so people think i stopped..ya know?
and then i feel bad c ause people think, oh your doing great...your so strong
and i feel like i'm cheating
my grandma is visiting, she gave me a paper my cousin Janine wrote about my grandpa which i coudlnt finish cause i nearly burst into tears, and on the piano i'm going to make myself learn how to play Ave Maria
apparantly it was my grandpas favorite song...
i never talk about him
but people dont realize how much it hurts me he's gone
i wont talk about him with anybody
i guess i'm afraid if i do someoen will say 'let it go'
or 'that was a long time ago dont let it bother you'
or something..ya know?
idk...
my heads gone back to hurting so i'm gunna leave
i could barely sleep last night, i cant breathe out of my nose my throat hurts and i have a head ache
i hhhhhhhate allergies!
Tomorrow is our year and a half anniversary and i cant even enjoy it cause i'm miserable from being sick, we're not even sure what the hell we're doing all we know is i'm allowed to gohang out. Idki figured calm down and ask my mom after my panic attack, and she said fine.
this monday i'll have gone 2 weeks without cutting
I'm not very proud of that for two reasons, one being it should be longer..i should say '6 months' or something...and the other thing is idk how much longer i can go without doing it, its to the point where i'm willing to go to some store and buy a little box of razors saying its for an art project, its like when you dont have what you need, youw ant it so much more.
I think its better i talk about it though...idk maybe it'l help?
i still have 'Bright Red Scream'
but i wont read it anymore, its so triggering cause everythings justified why they cut and hurt themselves, so then its just like hey you can do it to you have enough reasons
its like i know i have a problem which is probably why i'm still hiding it from people...if i cut the only person i tell is Mike..no one on the internet, no friends from school..just Mike..thats it so people think i stopped..ya know?
and then i feel bad c ause people think, oh your doing great...your so strong
and i feel like i'm cheating
my grandma is visiting, she gave me a paper my cousin Janine wrote about my grandpa which i coudlnt finish cause i nearly burst into tears, and on the piano i'm going to make myself learn how to play Ave Maria
apparantly it was my grandpas favorite song...
i never talk about him
but people dont realize how much it hurts me he's gone
i wont talk about him with anybody
i guess i'm afraid if i do someoen will say 'let it go'
or 'that was a long time ago dont let it bother you'
or something..ya know?
idk...
my heads gone back to hurting so i'm gunna leave