i just wanna feel apreciated or wanted

[psychotic_babe]

thats it thats all i want out of life that would make me happy, then i wouldnt have t come onj here n write about how depressed i am cos if i felt wanted or apreciated, things would not get me down so much my problems would not be so important, id be happy, but is this too much to ask?? all i want out of life is to be happy and still that one thing eludes me...yeh yeh i no i no im ony 19 iv got years left to be happy but i wanna be happy now, its hurts to fucking much to be depressed all the fucking time but therees nothing else for me theres nothing in my life to make me happy, im 200 miles away from the people i care most about, and they seem to be coping fine without me, most of them dont even want to visit me and that makes me feel like shit so much i cried myself to sleep the other night i felt that bad, and i dont cry very often, i can normally tell myself to stop being stupid and get a grip but that night i couldnt everything just got ontop of me and i burst out in tears, well at least no1 saw... whats more everyone when i talk to them seems so happy and im sitting there thinking but dont you care, dont you care that im 200 miles away, ok they have their own lives and are allowed to be happy but it would be nice to know that they missed me as much as i missed them, i so badly want to move back to dudley to see them it would make me very happy, when im with my friends i can forget that im a fat ugly ogre wiv the personality of a goldfish but i guess ive got a long wait till i can forget that again, im just so lonely here i feel like crying constantly but of course my parents dont know that i cant bring myself to tell them, my dad is so happy here i couldnt tell him i hate it and long to go home... ah thats another thing, home whats that, well mine is a house in dudley thats now sold and ill never go back to, its where i grew up where all my friends are i long to be back in dudley then i would at least have half an ounce of happiness and that would be enough for now
i just wanna be able to smile and really mean it instead of these false smiles i hide behind all the time