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My parents and I had a big fight last night and I was really upset all day today, and then when I got home everything was FINE. How the fucken shit does that work? They act like everything's peachy when like, what, fifteen hours ago I was screaming and crying and yelling and it was obvious that we were in a really big fight and I was going to be mad for a while. I think it's because they think I'll leave... but I'm not sure. I walked around for an hour last night just fucking sobbing and I didn't know whose house I could go to. I desparately wanted to go to someone's house to stay the night because I didn't want to go home and see my dad... but I couldn't because I didn't want to show up crying and guilt anyone into taking me in. Hah. I don't want to be mad at them, but I am and I feel like I have a reason to be. They're allowed to be mad at me, too, but since they choose not to but still be dumb and mean about school shit, I absolutely have the right to complain about it. My dad told me last night that I just needed to toughen up because if everyone else can get through highschool, so can I. That really made me angry. After listening to me cry and complain and cry and hurt about school every day for about a year, you think I just need to toughen up? It's obviously all my fault in their minds. They think I'm just weak, but I think I've got something going if I can look at something and push through it for a god damn fucking year and realize it's definitely not okay with me. So, I'm weak because I understand my self and I know what I want? Oh. Cool. Now I understand. Not!
On a better note, tomorrow I get to see dearest Elise who I haven't seen in forever, and we're going to hang out and she's going to give me The Teenage Liberation Handbook How to quit school and get a real life and education (for me) and Guerilla Learning How to give your kids a real education with or without school (for my parents to read).
THEN on Friday I get to watch the new episode of Degrassi with Julia and Whitney. Fantastic!
Spirit week is obnoxious as fuck, you guys!