Purposely Oblivious
So I have to admit that I've been purposely oblivious (a.k.a. living in denial) for the past few months. I've known my one guy friend has liked me since September. He eagerly waited for me to get out of my relationship with Frankie and then I jump into the relationship with Brittany. He has been trying so much since I've been single for 7 months. I still won't give him a chance. I have been trying to deny that he likes me, but it's just there. He has said the "l" word to me too. So wtf fail...
Then there is another guy... One of my friends at WAC. It's a fucked up thing because I've been trying to deny that he has feelings for me too but Cory and Amonn are down right convinced. And he finally proved it to me through his actions. He's not a bad guy but even if he were to eliminate the things in his life holding him back, I wouldn't give him a chance.
Over the weekend I got a call and a bunch of texts from a guy who was trying to get with me this summer. Last month another guy, who I gave a chance to over a year ago, tried to get with me again after I turned him down for 6 months straight. I guess an 8 month hiatus was too long for him.
Why do these guys keep trying anyway? I haven't put out to any of them yet they keep insisting I date them or they flirt with me ridiculously and hint at things.
So here is quandary: Why am I ignoring people who want to be with me? Why do I avoid them but crave a relationship at the same time? WTF is my problem? This is my longest single streak since I was fucking 13... I think I'm failing in some way but I can't determine what it is.
My potential reasons are that :
- I don't want to get hurt again
- I'm sick of guys and want to be with a girl
- I like the attention the guys give me
- I'm fucked up in the head
- The uncertainty of where I'm going to grad school
The answer is most likely that I'm fucked up in the head. After having so many bullshit relationships and being treated like shit in ALL of them, it makes sense that I'm having a defense mechanism set up. The complexity of my bullshit will only increase over time. This is also another reason why Chicago is looking better and better over time... Oh my pitiful. Lol.
I'm fine by the way. I'm just confused about why I have been so content with being a complete bitch to 3 guys who have been trying to get with me and to a 4th guy who most likely has a thing for me. Who knows? Bleh. It's 2:15 and I want to be up at 9. Better get my butt to bed. Night nights, LJ. <3
Then there is another guy... One of my friends at WAC. It's a fucked up thing because I've been trying to deny that he has feelings for me too but Cory and Amonn are down right convinced. And he finally proved it to me through his actions. He's not a bad guy but even if he were to eliminate the things in his life holding him back, I wouldn't give him a chance.
Over the weekend I got a call and a bunch of texts from a guy who was trying to get with me this summer. Last month another guy, who I gave a chance to over a year ago, tried to get with me again after I turned him down for 6 months straight. I guess an 8 month hiatus was too long for him.
Why do these guys keep trying anyway? I haven't put out to any of them yet they keep insisting I date them or they flirt with me ridiculously and hint at things.
So here is quandary: Why am I ignoring people who want to be with me? Why do I avoid them but crave a relationship at the same time? WTF is my problem? This is my longest single streak since I was fucking 13... I think I'm failing in some way but I can't determine what it is.
My potential reasons are that :
- I don't want to get hurt again
- I'm sick of guys and want to be with a girl
- I like the attention the guys give me
- I'm fucked up in the head
- The uncertainty of where I'm going to grad school
The answer is most likely that I'm fucked up in the head. After having so many bullshit relationships and being treated like shit in ALL of them, it makes sense that I'm having a defense mechanism set up. The complexity of my bullshit will only increase over time. This is also another reason why Chicago is looking better and better over time... Oh my pitiful. Lol.
I'm fine by the way. I'm just confused about why I have been so content with being a complete bitch to 3 guys who have been trying to get with me and to a 4th guy who most likely has a thing for me. Who knows? Bleh. It's 2:15 and I want to be up at 9. Better get my butt to bed. Night nights, LJ. <3