Ten Things NOT To Say To Single Women
Lately I've been hearing "Single Ladies" by Beyonce everyday on the radio. Considering how little I listen to the radio (only when I'm driving) and the fact that I'm very finicky about what radio stations I listen to, what are the odds of me hearing "Single Ladies" every time I'm out and about? Anyway, believe it or not I actually kinda like that song, so I always end up listening to it and singing what few words I know of it. As I'm singing along and getting weird looks from the people next to me at the red light, I start thinking. Is this song somehow God's way of trying to get a message through to me? I have no freakin' clue.
So anyway, speaking of single ladies, IDatedThatDouche.com posted something that I could really relate to: a link to an article called "Ten Things Not To Say To Single Women". It's basically a list of things you should NEVER say to single women (obviously lol). Because I'm very passionate about getting my point across when I have strong opinions about something, below I'm posting the list along with little comments and snide remarks from Yours Truly. Please don't take offense to anything I'm about to say, it's meant to be funny and sarcastic. So anyway, the top 10 things you should never say to me...er, single women:
1) Why are you single?
None of your damn business.
2) Maybe you shouldn't be so picky.
Actually, nobody ever says this to me. And if they did, I'd point out how I'd rather be alone and happy than stay with a loser...and how the only guys who fit all of my "dream guy" criteria already have boyfriends...and how there are only two men on this planet who know how to satisfy a woman; their names are Ben & Jerry.
3) What is wrong with you? You are so pretty.
First of all, there's nothing wrong with me. Second, what the hell does "pretty" have to do with finding a good guy? Just bc you're single doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. And for that matter, being pretty doesn't necessarily guarantee that a good guy is going to fall into your lap.
4) I have the perfect guy for you.
AAAAARRRRGH! Oh if only I had a quarter for every time someone wanted to set me up, I could retire early and move into a ginormous mansion in Bermuda...and hire a team of young shirtless hunks to cook and clean for me, mow my lawn, and feed me chocolate and fan me as I lay in a hammock held up by palm trees... Come to think of it, maybe I'll just start making everybody pay me whenever they tell me this. I'll send you a postcard from Bermuda;)
5) Have you tried internet dating?
I've met lots of people on the internet, and I know firsthand that it's generally not a good idea to date someone you met online. From my experience, you never know what that person is really like. Well actually, this morning I got bored and started browsing a dating site for introverts, called ShyPassions.com *gigglesnort*. After seeing some of the winners on that site? No thanks.
6) Don't you want to have kids?
Uh...no, I don't. Ever. I like being an aunt to my best friend's kids, but I never wanted any of my own. I know it's kind of expected that everybody should have at least one kid by the time they're my age, but parenthood isn't for everybody. So stop bugging me about it already!!!!!
7) Aren't you afraid of ending up alone forever?
I swear this is my mother's favorite question whenever the subject of my love life (or lack thereof) comes up. Sure I'm open to finding someone great, but I'm not afraid of ending up alone. I happen to enjoy my own company. Ever since I was a child, I've spent lots of time alone. I guess you could say that I've spent most of my life so far training for my old age:P My cat is the only roommate I've ever lived with that didn't work my nerves. Cats don't forget to flush the toilet. Cats don't leave clothes on the floor. Cats don't leave their dirty dishes in the sink. Just give my future self a cute little house and five or six cats, and I'll be good to go.
8) You should join a health club.
I'm not joining a health club just to try to meet men. That's stupid.
9) Maybe you should start seeing a therapist.
And maybe you should go fuck yourself.
10) I'll have my husband ask around at his work and see who is single.
Yeah, ok. If your husband works with Chris Pine, give him my number:P
So anyway, that's my little rant for the day. Maybe tonight I'll have dreams about marrying Chris Pine and moving to Bermuda with all the money I'll be collecting from well-meaning friends who keep trying to set me up with guys they know. *singing* If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it...;)
So anyway, speaking of single ladies, IDatedThatDouche.com posted something that I could really relate to: a link to an article called "Ten Things Not To Say To Single Women". It's basically a list of things you should NEVER say to single women (obviously lol). Because I'm very passionate about getting my point across when I have strong opinions about something, below I'm posting the list along with little comments and snide remarks from Yours Truly. Please don't take offense to anything I'm about to say, it's meant to be funny and sarcastic. So anyway, the top 10 things you should never say to me...er, single women:
1) Why are you single?
None of your damn business.
2) Maybe you shouldn't be so picky.
Actually, nobody ever says this to me. And if they did, I'd point out how I'd rather be alone and happy than stay with a loser...and how the only guys who fit all of my "dream guy" criteria already have boyfriends...and how there are only two men on this planet who know how to satisfy a woman; their names are Ben & Jerry.
3) What is wrong with you? You are so pretty.
First of all, there's nothing wrong with me. Second, what the hell does "pretty" have to do with finding a good guy? Just bc you're single doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. And for that matter, being pretty doesn't necessarily guarantee that a good guy is going to fall into your lap.
4) I have the perfect guy for you.
AAAAARRRRGH! Oh if only I had a quarter for every time someone wanted to set me up, I could retire early and move into a ginormous mansion in Bermuda...and hire a team of young shirtless hunks to cook and clean for me, mow my lawn, and feed me chocolate and fan me as I lay in a hammock held up by palm trees... Come to think of it, maybe I'll just start making everybody pay me whenever they tell me this. I'll send you a postcard from Bermuda;)
5) Have you tried internet dating?
I've met lots of people on the internet, and I know firsthand that it's generally not a good idea to date someone you met online. From my experience, you never know what that person is really like. Well actually, this morning I got bored and started browsing a dating site for introverts, called ShyPassions.com *gigglesnort*. After seeing some of the winners on that site? No thanks.
6) Don't you want to have kids?
Uh...no, I don't. Ever. I like being an aunt to my best friend's kids, but I never wanted any of my own. I know it's kind of expected that everybody should have at least one kid by the time they're my age, but parenthood isn't for everybody. So stop bugging me about it already!!!!!
7) Aren't you afraid of ending up alone forever?
I swear this is my mother's favorite question whenever the subject of my love life (or lack thereof) comes up. Sure I'm open to finding someone great, but I'm not afraid of ending up alone. I happen to enjoy my own company. Ever since I was a child, I've spent lots of time alone. I guess you could say that I've spent most of my life so far training for my old age:P My cat is the only roommate I've ever lived with that didn't work my nerves. Cats don't forget to flush the toilet. Cats don't leave clothes on the floor. Cats don't leave their dirty dishes in the sink. Just give my future self a cute little house and five or six cats, and I'll be good to go.
8) You should join a health club.
I'm not joining a health club just to try to meet men. That's stupid.
9) Maybe you should start seeing a therapist.
And maybe you should go fuck yourself.
10) I'll have my husband ask around at his work and see who is single.
Yeah, ok. If your husband works with Chris Pine, give him my number:P
So anyway, that's my little rant for the day. Maybe tonight I'll have dreams about marrying Chris Pine and moving to Bermuda with all the money I'll be collecting from well-meaning friends who keep trying to set me up with guys they know. *singing* If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it...;)