Inspired by a Friend's Plight, as Well as an Experience of My Own
Someone you don't know from Adam suddenly and inexplicably wants you to take care of their child. You also don't know the child from Adam. Suggested response to Rude, Bad Parent Who Is Willing To Leave Child With Perfect Stranger On No Notice:
"Well...I suppose it would be all right...as long as you're not closely related to David Letterman [or celebrity of your choice]. The Restraining Order says I'm supposed to stay fifty feet away from him or anyone in his family... Wait a minute! Are you sure you're not related to him? There's something about your eyes... Do you suppose you could get me an invite to Thanksgiving dinner? I promise I'll behave. You are related to him, aren't you? What are you, a first cousin? Long lost sister? You can't fool me! I'll find out how you're related and then you've got to get him to drop the restraining order! Wait! Where are you going? Don't you want me to watch little Robbie while you get your hair done? Or I could just come with the two of you and you could tell me all about what Dave was like as a kid..."
The lesson being: Your kid would be perfectly safe with me, but you don't KNOW that if you don't know me. And if you could do such a thing as leave your child with someone you don't know I'm just a little worried about what reckless tendencies your child might have inherited from you; I do not want to spend all of my time trying to prevent him from surfing down the stairs on the ironing board, kthnx. And I am not going to supervise your 14 year old daughter, whom I've never met, in New York City, pay for her train ticket, nor put her up for the night in an already-full hotel room and wake up to discover all of my credit cards and my laptop gone. If you wanted her to be able to go to Harry, Carrie & Garp you needed to see to that, rather than attempting to foist her on a stranger.
"Well...I suppose it would be all right...as long as you're not closely related to David Letterman [or celebrity of your choice]. The Restraining Order says I'm supposed to stay fifty feet away from him or anyone in his family... Wait a minute! Are you sure you're not related to him? There's something about your eyes... Do you suppose you could get me an invite to Thanksgiving dinner? I promise I'll behave. You are related to him, aren't you? What are you, a first cousin? Long lost sister? You can't fool me! I'll find out how you're related and then you've got to get him to drop the restraining order! Wait! Where are you going? Don't you want me to watch little Robbie while you get your hair done? Or I could just come with the two of you and you could tell me all about what Dave was like as a kid..."
The lesson being: Your kid would be perfectly safe with me, but you don't KNOW that if you don't know me. And if you could do such a thing as leave your child with someone you don't know I'm just a little worried about what reckless tendencies your child might have inherited from you; I do not want to spend all of my time trying to prevent him from surfing down the stairs on the ironing board, kthnx. And I am not going to supervise your 14 year old daughter, whom I've never met, in New York City, pay for her train ticket, nor put her up for the night in an already-full hotel room and wake up to discover all of my credit cards and my laptop gone. If you wanted her to be able to go to Harry, Carrie & Garp you needed to see to that, rather than attempting to foist her on a stranger.