I want someone to kiss my heart and make the pain go away
Yes. It is going on three months and I am still depressed about the break-up.
I miss the attention. I miss being held. I miss being told I am loved and I am beautiful. Why does it have to mean so much when it comes from a romantic perspective?? In all honesty, I get it enough times from my friends and family. But with....He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named...gave it to me ALL the time. Calls, e-mails, IMs, whatever!
I think I am just so scared about school. I love the concept of radio and how much fun it would be. But what if I don't like the work? What if I am not good at it? What if I ended up in radio but in a job I definitely do not want, like production manager, just because I have a B.A.? Mom already spend the first few months tuition and going to get a laptop so....it seems to late to change my mind if I am going to.
I had thought that Rainbow would be great. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate it there. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED an office job or someplace where the orders are easy and I am not yelled at for following those orders because I was simply doing my job. It sucks being new in a REALLY big store. You have to fend for yourself and when you ask for help, you are treated like you are stupid and I hate that. I want to be able to ask for help and not to feel bad about it. Especially since it is THEIR fucking job to train me and to do certain things that I, just as a cashier, aren't allowed to do.
I try not to think that in another universe, I am with....that guy again....and we are living together and being happy and getting married and having babies. But then I think that I would be unhappy because I would be in a graduate program that doesn't truly make me happy but stressed. If I had to choose between the love and the school....well....Alex chose that for me. He chose his job and his state over me. I was willing to give up EVERYTHING and he wasn't going to move an INCH. I can't believe sometimes that I fell for someone so ignorant and selfish. But I did. I think I would have followed in my parents footsteps had I carried on with the relationship. Neither of us would be happy for one reason or another.
What really pisses me off was that it was his insecurity that I would leave him that caused him to break up with me. How BACKWARDS is THAT?? Makes TOTAL sense to break up with the girl you are completely in love with WHILE she is still in love with you before she dumps you. GOOD ONE, COCK FACE!!
I will always wonder if he is in this much pain as I am. If he stills thinks about me like I think about him. I think about how easy it is to move onto a rebound. If I was truly vulnerable and weak-willed enough, I probably would have jumped on Adam's bones for the rebound immediately. What if Alex already found someone to rebound with? Or worse, someone to truly have a genuine relationship with?? Psychologically, those who are the instigators of the break-ups have less guilt or emotional pain than the ones who have received the break up and therefore move on much easier and much quicker.
I just wanted to know that he is suffering.
I miss the attention. I miss being held. I miss being told I am loved and I am beautiful. Why does it have to mean so much when it comes from a romantic perspective?? In all honesty, I get it enough times from my friends and family. But with....He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named...gave it to me ALL the time. Calls, e-mails, IMs, whatever!
I think I am just so scared about school. I love the concept of radio and how much fun it would be. But what if I don't like the work? What if I am not good at it? What if I ended up in radio but in a job I definitely do not want, like production manager, just because I have a B.A.? Mom already spend the first few months tuition and going to get a laptop so....it seems to late to change my mind if I am going to.
I had thought that Rainbow would be great. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate it there. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED an office job or someplace where the orders are easy and I am not yelled at for following those orders because I was simply doing my job. It sucks being new in a REALLY big store. You have to fend for yourself and when you ask for help, you are treated like you are stupid and I hate that. I want to be able to ask for help and not to feel bad about it. Especially since it is THEIR fucking job to train me and to do certain things that I, just as a cashier, aren't allowed to do.
I try not to think that in another universe, I am with....that guy again....and we are living together and being happy and getting married and having babies. But then I think that I would be unhappy because I would be in a graduate program that doesn't truly make me happy but stressed. If I had to choose between the love and the school....well....Alex chose that for me. He chose his job and his state over me. I was willing to give up EVERYTHING and he wasn't going to move an INCH. I can't believe sometimes that I fell for someone so ignorant and selfish. But I did. I think I would have followed in my parents footsteps had I carried on with the relationship. Neither of us would be happy for one reason or another.
What really pisses me off was that it was his insecurity that I would leave him that caused him to break up with me. How BACKWARDS is THAT?? Makes TOTAL sense to break up with the girl you are completely in love with WHILE she is still in love with you before she dumps you. GOOD ONE, COCK FACE!!
I will always wonder if he is in this much pain as I am. If he stills thinks about me like I think about him. I think about how easy it is to move onto a rebound. If I was truly vulnerable and weak-willed enough, I probably would have jumped on Adam's bones for the rebound immediately. What if Alex already found someone to rebound with? Or worse, someone to truly have a genuine relationship with?? Psychologically, those who are the instigators of the break-ups have less guilt or emotional pain than the ones who have received the break up and therefore move on much easier and much quicker.
I just wanted to know that he is suffering.