On with life now...
Work is making me exhausted and keeping me interested. It is repetitive but definitely never the same. Damn produce codes to memorize...
Still think about Adam every so often. Maybe more than that. Still makes me wonder whether I should have compromised my own morals to sleep with him. Except, now that I think about it, it wouldn't be sleeping. It would just be a good old-fashioned "fucking." No romance, no one looking out for my best interests, no love. Just pure, unadulterated lust. I miss the cuddling and the making out. But I realized that he never made me crazy. It was all mechanical on my part and not just because I was drawn to it. When I was with Alex, I felt a primal need to tease and to be intimate. With Adam, it is like I have already been through the motions but no motivation whatsoever. I want to find that drive again. That primal need that a man can bring out of me to unleash my inner sexual beast. Then it would be fun and sex wouldn't be a scary chore.
I did a bit of stalker for one of my former old friends/minor flings back in high school, having stumbled upon his profile on okcupid.com. Weird thing is, he is an 86% match to me even though on religious, political and even dietary views, we differ completely. Not to mention, ever since I quit his play, he has vowed never to speak to me ever again. Such a pre-madonna. But I had to leave. Unrealistic expectations making his cast do ridiculous tasks without acknowledgment or practical use, not to mention NO room for any creativity. I had to play HIS character the way that HE saw it. Forget MY views or MY depictions to make the character at least in part MINE. Whatever. I am over it. I actually haven't even thought about him since the summer. So I have absolutely no regrets.
Still think about Adam every so often. Maybe more than that. Still makes me wonder whether I should have compromised my own morals to sleep with him. Except, now that I think about it, it wouldn't be sleeping. It would just be a good old-fashioned "fucking." No romance, no one looking out for my best interests, no love. Just pure, unadulterated lust. I miss the cuddling and the making out. But I realized that he never made me crazy. It was all mechanical on my part and not just because I was drawn to it. When I was with Alex, I felt a primal need to tease and to be intimate. With Adam, it is like I have already been through the motions but no motivation whatsoever. I want to find that drive again. That primal need that a man can bring out of me to unleash my inner sexual beast. Then it would be fun and sex wouldn't be a scary chore.
I did a bit of stalker for one of my former old friends/minor flings back in high school, having stumbled upon his profile on okcupid.com. Weird thing is, he is an 86% match to me even though on religious, political and even dietary views, we differ completely. Not to mention, ever since I quit his play, he has vowed never to speak to me ever again. Such a pre-madonna. But I had to leave. Unrealistic expectations making his cast do ridiculous tasks without acknowledgment or practical use, not to mention NO room for any creativity. I had to play HIS character the way that HE saw it. Forget MY views or MY depictions to make the character at least in part MINE. Whatever. I am over it. I actually haven't even thought about him since the summer. So I have absolutely no regrets.