I feel like an emotional burden
I feel so lonely and depressed. Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot that I can do to distract myself. I go to work to have something to do.
I can't help but get the feeling that I annoy everyone. My sister sounded like she was sick of me hanging out a lot at their place. But the girls want me there and I need them. God it is so pathetic that when I need a hug sometimes, I need to travel 40 minutes and waiting until after school and dinner to have an 8 year old cuddle with me.
I feel my spirit drifting away. It longs for, it yearns for a release. I feel that I am stuck in this body and stuck in this world. I need someone to hold onto me. It tells my spirit not to fly away. It makes me more solid. Less lucid.
I hate that I still love Alex. At least I am not in denial and thinking that he will come back and want me again. But it is like I have a tattoo on my heart. A permanent label that no one else would be able to remove.
MRS ALEX WILSON - PROPERTY OF ALEX WILSON
I was prepared to be that for the rest of my life. I had laid the ground work and had set up shop. I feel that I have made a huge life investment and it didn't take. What am I supposed to do now? Just live on? Just ignore the pain? It makes me scared. It makes me question on the finality of any of my relationships, from my friends to my family. Alex loved me. Wanted to marry me. Wanted me to have his children. If he left me, what stops anyone else from doing the same thing?
I just agreed to do the stupidest thing in the entire world that I could do right now: I am going on a date tomorrow.
1) it is from an online dating site
2) it has been two months since Alex and I broke up
3) the guy is supposedly only 59% my ideal match
Two months. It feels like a year.
I keep asking myself how I got into this situation. This situation of the grand plan to "Move On." New school program, starting a dating life...am I really ready or am I forcing myself? Is this what I really want to do or am I going through the motions?
I can't help but get the feeling that I annoy everyone. My sister sounded like she was sick of me hanging out a lot at their place. But the girls want me there and I need them. God it is so pathetic that when I need a hug sometimes, I need to travel 40 minutes and waiting until after school and dinner to have an 8 year old cuddle with me.
I feel my spirit drifting away. It longs for, it yearns for a release. I feel that I am stuck in this body and stuck in this world. I need someone to hold onto me. It tells my spirit not to fly away. It makes me more solid. Less lucid.
I hate that I still love Alex. At least I am not in denial and thinking that he will come back and want me again. But it is like I have a tattoo on my heart. A permanent label that no one else would be able to remove.
MRS ALEX WILSON - PROPERTY OF ALEX WILSON
I was prepared to be that for the rest of my life. I had laid the ground work and had set up shop. I feel that I have made a huge life investment and it didn't take. What am I supposed to do now? Just live on? Just ignore the pain? It makes me scared. It makes me question on the finality of any of my relationships, from my friends to my family. Alex loved me. Wanted to marry me. Wanted me to have his children. If he left me, what stops anyone else from doing the same thing?
I just agreed to do the stupidest thing in the entire world that I could do right now: I am going on a date tomorrow.
1) it is from an online dating site
2) it has been two months since Alex and I broke up
3) the guy is supposedly only 59% my ideal match
Two months. It feels like a year.
I keep asking myself how I got into this situation. This situation of the grand plan to "Move On." New school program, starting a dating life...am I really ready or am I forcing myself? Is this what I really want to do or am I going through the motions?