Grief in Children
Полезные материалы на английском языке о том, как дети переживают горе.
Child Development Media, Inc
Presents
Grief in Children
Dear Colleague,
It goes without saying that the grieving process is a complicated and intensely personal one. It is difficult enough for adults to deal with the loss of a loved one, but it can be even more difficult for children, particularly if their adult caregivers are working through their own grief. Understanding how grief affects children at various developmental stages and knowing the best ways to assist children as they grieve can help children to process their grief in the most healthy way possible. Keep in mind that, while grief is usually associated with a death, there are many circumstances under which children grieve. Separation due to the dissolution of a relationship or due to a military deployment or job-related separation can also cause grief in children.
Reactions to Loss and How to Help
How old a child is at the time of loss certainly affects the child's perception of the event. Although babies are unable to express themselves verbally, they will certainly exhibit reactions to loss. They may seem more fussy, inconsolable, or have changes in their eating and sleeping patterns. Very young children, ages 2 to 4, are egocentric: they think the world revolves around them, and their concept of death is limited. They may think that death is reversible, and their main reactions to death may be that their daily routine and care are altered. The adult whom they have lost, or who is also grieving, will be either absent or unable to care for the child in the accustomed manner. At this age, reactions are often regressive, exhibiting themselves in eating, sleeping, or toileting disruptions. Children this age need reassurance and consistency. Try to maintain regular routines and to be comforting, giving hugs and kisses and lots of gentle touches. Keep the discussions of death short, but keep interactions with the child frequent. Even if you feel like the baby or young child cannot understand your words, they will understand your interest in their feelings and your wish to console them. Keep talking - it will help you to get used to the discussions that will become longer and more detailed as the child gets older, and it will help you to figure out what to say.
Children aged 5 to 7 have a little more understanding of the permanency of death, but it is not a deep understanding. These children are more autonomous than younger ones, but they still have trouble separating fantasy from reality. They may think they are somehow responsible for the death, although they still see death as reversible. They may ask many "why" and "how" questions, and may want to play funeral or try to take on the role of the dead person. Repetitive questions and possible nightmares , eating and sleeping disruptions, and violent play are all potential reactions at this age. Caregivers can help by allowing children to tell stories or create drawings or express themselves through play. Be there to talk about the process and encourage the child to share his or her emotions. As with younger children, don't worry if your child cannot fully grasp the complexities of the topic. Simply keeping an open dialogue is beneficial to you both.
At age 7 through 11, children are starting to think more logically , and they are better able to see death as permanent (but don't be surprised if they still view it as reversible). They may fear bodily harm and may be concerned with how others are responding to the death and whether their response is the "right" one. Children this age may think of suicide as a way to join the person who died and they may withdraw from social groups and exhibit anger toward parents. They will ask questions and want specific answers. The best thing to do is to be willing and available to talk about the grief. Answer questions. Be there when they want to talk, but honor the time in which they need to be alone to process their emotions. Encourage these children to express themselves through symbolic play.
Ages 11 through 18 bring about a period when a child can think abstractly and process the meaning of death. Their reactions to death may be more adult-like; they may want to talk more to people outside of, not within, their family, and may become depressed or angry and otherwise "act out." Do not try to take away the grief from these children or to shield them from grief. Instead, encourage them to verbalize their emotions and be available to talk or listen as they work through this complex process. Don't attempt to take control of the situation, but simply be there for them.
Commonalities of Grief
While these developmental stages usually correspond with a child's chronological age, don't expect there to be a bright line of delineation between these states just because a child is a certain age. All children may exhibit shock, denial, and anger before finally accepting the loss. There will be a period of upheaval, followed by a transitional period where children try to make sense of their loss, and then finally a reorganization as they adjust to their new situation. Grief, though, is cyclical: like adults, children may think they have accepted a loss only to have a setback that leaves them feeling hopeless or helpless again. There isn't a prescribed time period in which the grieving process takes place. The most important things to remember are to be available for the child and to let him express grief without trying to impose the "right" way to grieve. Children may exhibit typical grief-related behaviors for their age or developmental stage, but they are all individuals who will process their grief differently.
If the Child Needs Additional Help
Parents and caregivers want to do everything possible to assist a grieving child, but if they are grieving themselves, or it the child is having a particularly difficult time of processing the loss, outside help may be necessary. Your child's pediatrician, his or her school counselor, or the person who leads your place of worship may have some recommendations for counseling. Individual and group counseling can be helpful. For older children, connecting with peers who have suffered a loss can be useful. While the grieving process is a personal one, just knowing one is not the only one who has suffered a loss can be valuable.
Your local library may have some reference material that can be helpful in assisting children with loss, and a search of Internet sources can turn up credible and useful source material as well.
Day camps, residential camps, and even residential schools can offer services beyond the scope and expertise of parents and caregivers and can be invaluable resources as children work through the grieving process and begin to establish a peace with their loss.
The most important thing to remember is that children are individuals, and they will process their grief differently. Be there to listen, to guide, to help children express themselves, and be attuned to the child's needs. Listen respectfully and let the child express himself in his own words, no matter his age. Stay tuned into child's progress as he navigates these new emotions, particularly if you feel he needs some more expert assistance in working through the complexities of the grieving process.
We hope that these words on grief and the resources to follow are of benefit to you and the work that you do.
Most sincerely,
Margie Wagner and Callie Little
Child Development Media, Inc.
5632 Van Nuys Blvd., Suite 286
Van Nuys, CA 91401
Tel. 800.405.8942
*Please see grief in children references and resources below.
Not too Young to Grieve
Not too Young to Grieve
offers practical advice to parents and caregivers about ways comforting and supporting a bereaved child, birth to five, who may be experiencing anxiety, sleep difficulties, guilt, sadness, regression, withdrawal or physical illness.
Offers thoughtful strategies to support the child and stresses the importance of talking honestly and simply to young children about their loss.
More Teenage Grief
Teenagers already have to cope with huge changes in themselves and their lives. Adjusting to the dealth of a close friend or family member at the same time may feel like too much for them to handle.
Teenage Grief contains animated episodes about young people from a wide range of backgrounds facing different kinds of bereavement.
More
Grief in the Family
Grief in the Family looks at the ways that children and young people respond to grief, and what the adults around them can do to help.
This unique animated film gives parents and professionals an inslight into the process of grieving, its physical and emotional effects and the special needs of children and young people.
More
The Grieving Student: The Teacher's Guide
By David J. Schonfeld & Marcia Quakenbush
David J. Schonfeld is one of the nations leading experts on childhood bereavement and school crisis. A veteran consultant to school crisis teams, he has traned thousands of professionals in the wake of events such as 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina. Partnering with family therapist Marcia Quackenbush, he illuminates a child's experience of grief and loss and empowers teachers to undertake the rewarding job of reaching and helping their students.
Through vignettes and real-world strategies, educators will learn how to explain major concepts of death in age-appropriate ways, respond constructively to children's feelings and behaviors, initiate and maintain positive communication, help a child who is dealing with complicated grief, and more.
Losing A Parent to Death in the Early Years
Edited By: Alicia F. Lieberman, Nance C. Compton,
Patricia Van Horn, and Chandra Ghosh Ippen
In this book the authors describe how babies, toddlers, and preschool-age children typically respond to overwhelming loss and grief, explain complications in the grieving process that are associated with the sudden or violent death of a parent, and offer vignettes that illustrate therapeutic interventions with traumatically bereaved young children and their families.
The authors are affiliated with The Child Trauma Research Project-a program of the University of California San Francisco. The project's mission is to develop innovative intervention models and conduct treatment evaluation research for traumatized infants and young children.
More
Angels Don't Have Headlights:
Children's Reactions to Death in the Family
This program observes the reactions of children, ages three to eleven, to the deaths of close relatives. Children are greatly affected by such losses and their grief is expressed in a variety of behaviors and emotional states.
Their grief comes and goes in waves.
They may be seemingly absorbed in play and then suddenly overwhelmed by sadness, fear, or anger. A child may manifest eating and sleeping disorders, and--depending on age--bowel and bladder problems.
Long-term and delayed effects may include depression, lowered self-esteem, and suicidal tendencies. Given these possible outcomes, this program demonstrates the significance of giving bereaved children honest explanations, comfort, and support. More
Assisting Parents through the Mourning Process
In this video Dr James Blair reviews the development of the concept of mourning and grief. He describes each phase in the process and illustrates each phase with the reactions of parents of a child with disabilities. He highlights the ways professionals and others can recognize each phase and how to support parents through this very natural process. More
How to Help Children Through a Parent's
Serious Illness
By Kathleen McCue, MA. CCLS, with Ron Bonn
In most hospitals there is neither a counselor nor a manual routinely at hand to tell parents what to expect from their children from the moment of diagnosis through the course of a parent's treatment. There is also no continuous guidance on how to address children's questions and fears, from the darkest puzzlings about separation, change, pain, and death, to the most mundane worries of Who will tuck me in? or How will I get to soccer practice?
The author explains the special needs of children and describes how to help them overcome the psychological stresses involved with having an ill parent.
More
References on Grief in Children
Children's Grief and Education Association
Kids Source
About - a number of excellent articles on About
The Dougy Center: The National Center for Grieving Children and Families
Stages of Grief
Loss of a sibling or friend Up-Coming EventsInfant Development Association of California
Announces
Vivian Weinstein Leadership Day: February 27, 2012
Critical Road Map Options for Early Childhood
Vivian Weinstein was a visionary and leader in recognizing the high-stake benefits and barriers to accurate information, planning, and collaboration from policy to service across the Early Care & Education (ECE) Community 0 to 12. In her honor this Leadership Day brings together leaders from the field - legislators, administrators, supervisors, interested staff, students, and parents - to learn from each other, join the discussion, and find strength and partnerships for the critical years ahead. For more information and to register please visitwww.idaofcal.com
********
University of Southern California
Occupational Science Symposium XXIII
AUTISM IN EVERYDAY LIFE
INTERDISCIPLINARY RESEARCH PERSPECTIVES AT USC
Friday, March 9, 2012
Keynote: Catherine Lord, PhD
Featuring Florence Clark, PhD, Pat Levitt, PhD, Rodney Peete, & Susan Knox, PhD
RSVP by March 5:
Peter Wittrick 323.442.1861 or www.ot.usc.edu/research/symposium
**********
Infant Development Association of California
Conference, March 20 & 21, 2012
The Amazing and Developing Brain
REGISTRATION NOW AVAILABLE!
Download registration brochure
KEYNOTE SPEAKER
Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
Co-author of The Whole-Brain Child, with Dr. Dan Siegel
Learn more about Dr.Bryson at www.TinaBryson.com.
TOPICS TO BE ADDRESSED IN WORKSHOPS
LEADERSHIP STRAND WORKSHOPS
Child Development Media, Inc
Presents
Grief in Children
Dear Colleague,
It goes without saying that the grieving process is a complicated and intensely personal one. It is difficult enough for adults to deal with the loss of a loved one, but it can be even more difficult for children, particularly if their adult caregivers are working through their own grief. Understanding how grief affects children at various developmental stages and knowing the best ways to assist children as they grieve can help children to process their grief in the most healthy way possible. Keep in mind that, while grief is usually associated with a death, there are many circumstances under which children grieve. Separation due to the dissolution of a relationship or due to a military deployment or job-related separation can also cause grief in children.
Reactions to Loss and How to Help
How old a child is at the time of loss certainly affects the child's perception of the event. Although babies are unable to express themselves verbally, they will certainly exhibit reactions to loss. They may seem more fussy, inconsolable, or have changes in their eating and sleeping patterns. Very young children, ages 2 to 4, are egocentric: they think the world revolves around them, and their concept of death is limited. They may think that death is reversible, and their main reactions to death may be that their daily routine and care are altered. The adult whom they have lost, or who is also grieving, will be either absent or unable to care for the child in the accustomed manner. At this age, reactions are often regressive, exhibiting themselves in eating, sleeping, or toileting disruptions. Children this age need reassurance and consistency. Try to maintain regular routines and to be comforting, giving hugs and kisses and lots of gentle touches. Keep the discussions of death short, but keep interactions with the child frequent. Even if you feel like the baby or young child cannot understand your words, they will understand your interest in their feelings and your wish to console them. Keep talking - it will help you to get used to the discussions that will become longer and more detailed as the child gets older, and it will help you to figure out what to say.
Children aged 5 to 7 have a little more understanding of the permanency of death, but it is not a deep understanding. These children are more autonomous than younger ones, but they still have trouble separating fantasy from reality. They may think they are somehow responsible for the death, although they still see death as reversible. They may ask many "why" and "how" questions, and may want to play funeral or try to take on the role of the dead person. Repetitive questions and possible nightmares , eating and sleeping disruptions, and violent play are all potential reactions at this age. Caregivers can help by allowing children to tell stories or create drawings or express themselves through play. Be there to talk about the process and encourage the child to share his or her emotions. As with younger children, don't worry if your child cannot fully grasp the complexities of the topic. Simply keeping an open dialogue is beneficial to you both.
At age 7 through 11, children are starting to think more logically , and they are better able to see death as permanent (but don't be surprised if they still view it as reversible). They may fear bodily harm and may be concerned with how others are responding to the death and whether their response is the "right" one. Children this age may think of suicide as a way to join the person who died and they may withdraw from social groups and exhibit anger toward parents. They will ask questions and want specific answers. The best thing to do is to be willing and available to talk about the grief. Answer questions. Be there when they want to talk, but honor the time in which they need to be alone to process their emotions. Encourage these children to express themselves through symbolic play.
Ages 11 through 18 bring about a period when a child can think abstractly and process the meaning of death. Their reactions to death may be more adult-like; they may want to talk more to people outside of, not within, their family, and may become depressed or angry and otherwise "act out." Do not try to take away the grief from these children or to shield them from grief. Instead, encourage them to verbalize their emotions and be available to talk or listen as they work through this complex process. Don't attempt to take control of the situation, but simply be there for them.
Commonalities of Grief
While these developmental stages usually correspond with a child's chronological age, don't expect there to be a bright line of delineation between these states just because a child is a certain age. All children may exhibit shock, denial, and anger before finally accepting the loss. There will be a period of upheaval, followed by a transitional period where children try to make sense of their loss, and then finally a reorganization as they adjust to their new situation. Grief, though, is cyclical: like adults, children may think they have accepted a loss only to have a setback that leaves them feeling hopeless or helpless again. There isn't a prescribed time period in which the grieving process takes place. The most important things to remember are to be available for the child and to let him express grief without trying to impose the "right" way to grieve. Children may exhibit typical grief-related behaviors for their age or developmental stage, but they are all individuals who will process their grief differently.
If the Child Needs Additional Help
Parents and caregivers want to do everything possible to assist a grieving child, but if they are grieving themselves, or it the child is having a particularly difficult time of processing the loss, outside help may be necessary. Your child's pediatrician, his or her school counselor, or the person who leads your place of worship may have some recommendations for counseling. Individual and group counseling can be helpful. For older children, connecting with peers who have suffered a loss can be useful. While the grieving process is a personal one, just knowing one is not the only one who has suffered a loss can be valuable.
Your local library may have some reference material that can be helpful in assisting children with loss, and a search of Internet sources can turn up credible and useful source material as well.
Day camps, residential camps, and even residential schools can offer services beyond the scope and expertise of parents and caregivers and can be invaluable resources as children work through the grieving process and begin to establish a peace with their loss.
The most important thing to remember is that children are individuals, and they will process their grief differently. Be there to listen, to guide, to help children express themselves, and be attuned to the child's needs. Listen respectfully and let the child express himself in his own words, no matter his age. Stay tuned into child's progress as he navigates these new emotions, particularly if you feel he needs some more expert assistance in working through the complexities of the grieving process.
We hope that these words on grief and the resources to follow are of benefit to you and the work that you do.
Most sincerely,
Margie Wagner and Callie Little
Child Development Media, Inc.
5632 Van Nuys Blvd., Suite 286
Van Nuys, CA 91401
Tel. 800.405.8942
*Please see grief in children references and resources below.
Not too Young to Grieve
Not too Young to Grieve
offers practical advice to parents and caregivers about ways comforting and supporting a bereaved child, birth to five, who may be experiencing anxiety, sleep difficulties, guilt, sadness, regression, withdrawal or physical illness.
Offers thoughtful strategies to support the child and stresses the importance of talking honestly and simply to young children about their loss.
More Teenage Grief
Teenagers already have to cope with huge changes in themselves and their lives. Adjusting to the dealth of a close friend or family member at the same time may feel like too much for them to handle.
Teenage Grief contains animated episodes about young people from a wide range of backgrounds facing different kinds of bereavement.
More
Grief in the Family
Grief in the Family looks at the ways that children and young people respond to grief, and what the adults around them can do to help.
This unique animated film gives parents and professionals an inslight into the process of grieving, its physical and emotional effects and the special needs of children and young people.
More
The Grieving Student: The Teacher's Guide
By David J. Schonfeld & Marcia Quakenbush
David J. Schonfeld is one of the nations leading experts on childhood bereavement and school crisis. A veteran consultant to school crisis teams, he has traned thousands of professionals in the wake of events such as 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina. Partnering with family therapist Marcia Quackenbush, he illuminates a child's experience of grief and loss and empowers teachers to undertake the rewarding job of reaching and helping their students.
Through vignettes and real-world strategies, educators will learn how to explain major concepts of death in age-appropriate ways, respond constructively to children's feelings and behaviors, initiate and maintain positive communication, help a child who is dealing with complicated grief, and more.
Losing A Parent to Death in the Early Years
Edited By: Alicia F. Lieberman, Nance C. Compton,
Patricia Van Horn, and Chandra Ghosh Ippen
In this book the authors describe how babies, toddlers, and preschool-age children typically respond to overwhelming loss and grief, explain complications in the grieving process that are associated with the sudden or violent death of a parent, and offer vignettes that illustrate therapeutic interventions with traumatically bereaved young children and their families.
The authors are affiliated with The Child Trauma Research Project-a program of the University of California San Francisco. The project's mission is to develop innovative intervention models and conduct treatment evaluation research for traumatized infants and young children.
More
Angels Don't Have Headlights:
Children's Reactions to Death in the Family
This program observes the reactions of children, ages three to eleven, to the deaths of close relatives. Children are greatly affected by such losses and their grief is expressed in a variety of behaviors and emotional states.
Their grief comes and goes in waves.
They may be seemingly absorbed in play and then suddenly overwhelmed by sadness, fear, or anger. A child may manifest eating and sleeping disorders, and--depending on age--bowel and bladder problems.
Long-term and delayed effects may include depression, lowered self-esteem, and suicidal tendencies. Given these possible outcomes, this program demonstrates the significance of giving bereaved children honest explanations, comfort, and support. More
Assisting Parents through the Mourning Process
In this video Dr James Blair reviews the development of the concept of mourning and grief. He describes each phase in the process and illustrates each phase with the reactions of parents of a child with disabilities. He highlights the ways professionals and others can recognize each phase and how to support parents through this very natural process. More
How to Help Children Through a Parent's
Serious Illness
By Kathleen McCue, MA. CCLS, with Ron Bonn
In most hospitals there is neither a counselor nor a manual routinely at hand to tell parents what to expect from their children from the moment of diagnosis through the course of a parent's treatment. There is also no continuous guidance on how to address children's questions and fears, from the darkest puzzlings about separation, change, pain, and death, to the most mundane worries of Who will tuck me in? or How will I get to soccer practice?
The author explains the special needs of children and describes how to help them overcome the psychological stresses involved with having an ill parent.
More
References on Grief in Children
Children's Grief and Education Association
Kids Source
About - a number of excellent articles on About
The Dougy Center: The National Center for Grieving Children and Families
Stages of Grief
Loss of a sibling or friend Up-Coming EventsInfant Development Association of California
Announces
Vivian Weinstein Leadership Day: February 27, 2012
Critical Road Map Options for Early Childhood
Vivian Weinstein was a visionary and leader in recognizing the high-stake benefits and barriers to accurate information, planning, and collaboration from policy to service across the Early Care & Education (ECE) Community 0 to 12. In her honor this Leadership Day brings together leaders from the field - legislators, administrators, supervisors, interested staff, students, and parents - to learn from each other, join the discussion, and find strength and partnerships for the critical years ahead. For more information and to register please visitwww.idaofcal.com
********
University of Southern California
Occupational Science Symposium XXIII
AUTISM IN EVERYDAY LIFE
INTERDISCIPLINARY RESEARCH PERSPECTIVES AT USC
Friday, March 9, 2012
Keynote: Catherine Lord, PhD
Featuring Florence Clark, PhD, Pat Levitt, PhD, Rodney Peete, & Susan Knox, PhD
RSVP by March 5:
Peter Wittrick 323.442.1861 or www.ot.usc.edu/research/symposium
**********
Infant Development Association of California
Conference, March 20 & 21, 2012
The Amazing and Developing Brain
REGISTRATION NOW AVAILABLE!
Download registration brochure
KEYNOTE SPEAKER
Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
Co-author of The Whole-Brain Child, with Dr. Dan Siegel
Learn more about Dr.Bryson at www.TinaBryson.com.
TOPICS TO BE ADDRESSED IN WORKSHOPS
- iPad Technology
- Postpartum Depression
- Sensory Integration
- Autism
- Infant Massage
- Brain Development & Attachment
- Music to Enhance Development
- Teaching Language in the Home
LEADERSHIP STRAND WORKSHOPS
- New California Personnel Competencies
- Sustainability for Early Intervention Programs
- Evidenced-based Practices