What does the scanner see?
Funny that just as I wandered into the arms of my journal, at 3am, yearning to be immersed in the complexities of one intriguing concept or another, and just as I come to realize that I didn’t know where to start, comes a catalyst to smash through the blockade from such thought.
Yet another message finds me, from someone I’ve grown to progressively care less and less about, another message accusing me of playing God in my generous (although prying) advice regarding the channeling of one’s emotions and the inherent humility therein. I know from multiple Keeb responses to past situations that it is quite the remarkable paradox to ‘preach’ humility, however it never ceases to be my reaction when someone has so blatantly disregarded it in their behavior out there in the world.
It just strikes me funny that I keep hearing it the same way, the ‘God complex’ that others think they see me demonstrate, my ‘ever-expanding righteousness and condescending nature’. Ha. Even if it is so, I don’t see it. The closest thing I could attribute to such a trait would be knowing a road I’ve been down and warning others when I see them about to turn down that road. Sometimes a disdainful tone accompanies these tidbits of friendly advice, but I imagine I have no right to tell someone how to proceed or behave in their life.
Is it so wrong to know the outcome of a behavior one has experienced firsthand and pass on the warning to someone that’s on the brink of following that path? Is it wrong to care? I don’t necessarily consider myself wise, but I’ve been around for awhile and as much as some may disagree, I’ve paid quite delicate attention along the way. Many times when the guilty stand accused, and know they’re wrong, their first reaction is to lash out at the accuser, it is textbook psychology.
I sometimes question the fiber of the way I seek to ‘help’ people, and getting a rash response from someone whose beliefs and morality I’ve just asked them to question, has become quite mundane in the effort to find those humble enough to take an outside perspective to heart, for no reason, on the simple basis of objectivity. There’s a fictional dialogue that has intrigued me endlessly since I heard it, to the effect of, “Live with a man for 40 years, share every meal and speak on every subject, then hold him over the volcano’s edge and you will finally meet the man…”
It’s true that we can all get along when nothing exists to divide us, but it never ceases to amaze me how much it takes to get to the core of a person to find who they really are inside. It seems that when the shxt hits the fan, only in that moment do we meet the inner construct of a person that we may have convinced ourselves we ‘know’. You’d be surprised how far apart we truly are from our closest friends.
I should think the fundamental of any close friendship is the amount of time you spend together, as it is in this time small talk is made, large issues discussed and questions are brought forth regarding most existential crises; so when we look to those we feel close to, we question how much we actually KNOW about those people. Some of my closest friendships, realistically, were either those formed long ago and loosely maintained or people I simply haven’t spent the required time with but have grown fond of. We notice in this instance that it is easy to form a fond image of someone with whom we’ve shared only good times, as we swoop in from our separate lives to enjoy each others’ company and are back to our separate existences before any real trying times can befall us. I may be out of bounds in assuming this is wrong, from the standpoint of morality, but for the flow of logic it must be brought forth into realization.
I’ll dissect further. Take Jason for instance, my absolute all-time longest friendship. We were inseparable as teenagers, always together even when times were boring or unfavorable. In all the time we spent together, it was difficult to not find out things about him, whimsical happenings of his youth, current happenings in his life as well as his aspirations for the future. In youth we are afforded the luxury of having that endless amount of time to experience another person for the sake of friendship, but what of adulthood? It seems that same-sex friendships (for straight folk anyway) don’t seem to reach as deep, and that collectively we only aspire to spend the kind of time getting to know the core person inside someone when it’s someone of the opposite sex, and it’s criminal. Call it a function of instinct, an action governed by our primitive roots, that we should only seek to find a soulful connection in a potential mate, but that tendency hurts society as a whole.
I don’t have a large group of friends, for a number of reasons, but all those I’m truly close to are people with whom I’ve experienced good times AND bad. Ultimately however, we find that the constant between good times and bad times is that there was subsequently a significant amount of TIME spent with each of those people, and basing the data from the closest of friendships I’ve personally experienced, the bulk of that time has been in youth and teenage years.
When looking at an acquaintance’s life and our place in it, we are programmed to measure their existing friendships and respect their distance from us with regards to their closeness with others. For example, if Bob and Tony have been friends since adolescence, and I’ve only been friends with Bob for a couple months, I would automatically yield to Bob’s priority to spend time with Tony, right? It’s simply respectful. Now, while Bob and I might have a unique connection, it would be difficult to try to cultivate a friendship like the one he and Tony have, as it’s rooted in a large amount of time they’ve spent together. Savvy? I’ll note here that there are a myriad of variables in any human interaction, and I’m not in sense attempting to demonstrate any kind of possession over Bob, just illustrating a point.
So, we move forward to adult life. In typical adult life, the things that bring two people together in youth aren’t generally as available; one example would be a time I ran away and hid in Jason’s (parent’s) shed for a week. This is something that established a meaningful bond as he was there for me during hard times. This in turn brings us back to ‘when the shxt hits the fan’ and developing a sense of who the person deep down inside someone we think we know actually is. Times like that are opportunities, and are few and far between in normal adult life. Think of married people whose wives would freak out if you needed a place to stay while experiencing turbulence in your life. Think about their commitment to their spouse and in respecting the decision they’re making to turn you away, see that you’ve more than met the core person in that instance. Don’t be insulted by their turning you away, see their commitment to what is now their family and appreciate that for what it is, for them.
Maybe all the hard times are supposed to have been done away with prior to adulthood? Perhaps we’re supposed to stand strong where our youthful and disheveled tendencies have diminished. Maybe it’s all kidstuff? The despair of a life lacking order, the need to reach out for help and be welcomed into someone we call a friend’s accomplished life. I know the value of KNOWING someone will be there during hard times, but it is only actions that we may base our assumptions on. Adult pride or ego or whatever is the death of the bonds we formed in our youth; how deeply faithful can we really become in those whom we never present the opportunity to help us in those dire times?
Many say they would be there, in a hypothetical sense and in some distant future, but how will we ever know exactly who is down for the moment? It seems that only youth gets to exercise those boundaries, and in this ‘privilege’ that is adulthood we are merely left to question- Who are truly our friends, and how much about those with whom we surround ourselves do we actually know?
My time machine is almost done. Me and the doc are gonna go back to December 1981 and knock on the door : P