life != easy;
I understand that life isn't supposed to be easy. Those born with money have different problems than what I go through, and my daughter will not understand what my parents had to go through for what I had, which allowed me to gain as much, so that should can have more than any of us had. Unfortunately, I kind of understand what my grand parents went through, but it took me 25 years to ask the right questions and over hear the right conversations, and now I know more than I wished I did. I'm guessing that everywhere in someones life is a dirty little secret, you know, one of those things that no one ever talks about, but it happened and people try to turn a blind eye to it.
3 Ex's that I keep contact with. All of whom I've cared for deeply. What I have given any of them, I do not know, yet... they continue to speak to me. I should have let them all go, and never looked back, but there was something, maybe it was my masochism, maybe there was a piece of good which I felt in them, or a piece of wrong I felt that must be destroyed. I try to make up for my wrong doings. Maybe I did them all wrong. Didn't try for one, tried too much for one of the others, and didn't try enough for the last. Like some kind of fucked up X-mas tale... The Ghost of loves past, the love where everything was awkward, and neither of us understood what was going on, but tried anyways. The ghost of loves present, The here and now, the part where the Honey Moon wears thin, love is at it's peak. And of course, love of the future... all the pain one must go through to find the right person that makes them miserable for the rest of their life.
I spent the last three days in all of those places. I spent time playing Uno with one of my Xs, and some time watching Rent with another, and some time trying to re-live our growing up with another. What have I found out? I can't hate anybody, no matter how much I deserve to. I can be angry and mean, BTW that doesn't help as much as it was meant to, you can cuddle with an Ex and it not lead to sex... no matter how much either of you want it to. Rent was NOT as good as everyone made it out to be, but that doesn't mean I didn't pull anything out of it, and I would only see it if I got floor seats at Gammage for real cheap. =oD
... pushing someone away doesn't work the way you wanted it to.
... being angry at someone who is sad is, in-and-of-its-self, sad.
... Foreplay is foreplay whether you have sex or not.
... Foreplay doesn't have to lead sex.
... Just because someone doesn't have sex with you doesn't mean they don't want to.
... Just because someone acts like they don't want to have sex with you doesn't mean that they don't want to.
... The right smell is worth TWO thousand words.
... 'Wanting' someone is not lust.
... 'Needing' someone is not love.
... Loneliness does not always lead to "Fuck-anything-that-moves" syndrome
... Growing older doesn't always mean growing up.
... "Acting mature" is just that... ACTING!
... No matter how "mature" or "Immature" someone is... they have the same feelings as "What you think they have, x4"
... The less you want something to hurt someone else adds a x2 bonus to the amount of damage the receiver gets.
... Especially if you thought it would provide the person protectionm, add a +4 to defense and a -50% to subdual damage.
- At which time it adds +2 to Crit rolls against affected player, and -2 to defenses
... Girls don't like Onions or Garlic as much as guys do.
... Guys don't like Cats... for the most part.
... Guys CAN take simple directions, despite what girls say.
... Anyways... I don't care 'cause I need to wake up in less than 4 hours. Happiness is what happens in your free time. Love is what happens when you aren't around to see the things that could cause it.
FUCK ALL OF YOU!!! And also... <3 =o)
Don't push me away 'cause I get angry... I'm just like everybody else.
I only have room enough in my heart for ONE person to hate, but I don't want to ruin the post by mentioning them.
(Hell no, it's not anyone I ever had any feelings for!!!)
P.S. Stay tuned for awesome Icos!!!
3 Ex's that I keep contact with. All of whom I've cared for deeply. What I have given any of them, I do not know, yet... they continue to speak to me. I should have let them all go, and never looked back, but there was something, maybe it was my masochism, maybe there was a piece of good which I felt in them, or a piece of wrong I felt that must be destroyed. I try to make up for my wrong doings. Maybe I did them all wrong. Didn't try for one, tried too much for one of the others, and didn't try enough for the last. Like some kind of fucked up X-mas tale... The Ghost of loves past, the love where everything was awkward, and neither of us understood what was going on, but tried anyways. The ghost of loves present, The here and now, the part where the Honey Moon wears thin, love is at it's peak. And of course, love of the future... all the pain one must go through to find the right person that makes them miserable for the rest of their life.
I spent the last three days in all of those places. I spent time playing Uno with one of my Xs, and some time watching Rent with another, and some time trying to re-live our growing up with another. What have I found out? I can't hate anybody, no matter how much I deserve to. I can be angry and mean, BTW that doesn't help as much as it was meant to, you can cuddle with an Ex and it not lead to sex... no matter how much either of you want it to. Rent was NOT as good as everyone made it out to be, but that doesn't mean I didn't pull anything out of it, and I would only see it if I got floor seats at Gammage for real cheap. =oD
... pushing someone away doesn't work the way you wanted it to.
... being angry at someone who is sad is, in-and-of-its-self, sad.
... Foreplay is foreplay whether you have sex or not.
... Foreplay doesn't have to lead sex.
... Just because someone doesn't have sex with you doesn't mean they don't want to.
... Just because someone acts like they don't want to have sex with you doesn't mean that they don't want to.
... The right smell is worth TWO thousand words.
... 'Wanting' someone is not lust.
... 'Needing' someone is not love.
... Loneliness does not always lead to "Fuck-anything-that-moves" syndrome
... Growing older doesn't always mean growing up.
... "Acting mature" is just that... ACTING!
... No matter how "mature" or "Immature" someone is... they have the same feelings as "What you think they have, x4"
... The less you want something to hurt someone else adds a x2 bonus to the amount of damage the receiver gets.
... Especially if you thought it would provide the person protectionm, add a +4 to defense and a -50% to subdual damage.
- At which time it adds +2 to Crit rolls against affected player, and -2 to defenses
... Girls don't like Onions or Garlic as much as guys do.
... Guys don't like Cats... for the most part.
... Guys CAN take simple directions, despite what girls say.
... Anyways... I don't care 'cause I need to wake up in less than 4 hours. Happiness is what happens in your free time. Love is what happens when you aren't around to see the things that could cause it.
FUCK ALL OF YOU!!! And also... <3 =o)
Don't push me away 'cause I get angry... I'm just like everybody else.
I only have room enough in my heart for ONE person to hate, but I don't want to ruin the post by mentioning them.
(Hell no, it's not anyone I ever had any feelings for!!!)
P.S. Stay tuned for awesome Icos!!!