(no subject)
I have run myself into the ground. Weeks of non-stop activity, suddenly I am sick as a dog. This sucks.
It's a cold... It sort of got me yesterday. Maybe it was Sunday? Yes, Sunday I had a sore throat and sort of lost my voice by the end of the day. Yesterday I started to feel really run-down. Today I am a wreck. My throat hurts... I sound terrible... my nose is plugged... I get exhausted just moving around the house... I can't think straight. Yes, this sucks.
I also feel like it's a blessing.
Finally, I can stop moving. I'm not going to class today. I'm not leaving the house today. It has been weeks since I've had a day like this.
However... I need to write an essay...
I don't really know how I got here. I feel like I'm a really lazy person, but when I stop and think about it I am one of the busiest people I know. I guess... I feel like my biggest problem is my "divided loyalties". I feel lazy because there are a million things I am supposed to be involved in and I only do half of each of those things. Sure, I volunteered at Ashley's campaign booth last week, but I didn't stay the whole time I was supposed to be there. Sure, I go to class and stay on top of things, but I never get all of my readings done. Sure, I stay on top of things at my house, but it's never as clean as I'd like it to be. I am always running all over to get things done...
I can't remember the last time I just stayed in my pyjamas all day.
I need to work on my essay.
Really, though, I have just exhausted myself... Run myself into the ground... There was the emotional roller-coaster of deciding what to do with St. Andrews... the constant up-and-downs there. There's been the stress of talking to strangers every day with Ashley's campaign. There's been the general stress and anxiety of school.
I am sort of tempted to make this a do-nothing day... I worry that that would be a bad idea, though. Sure, I could write my essay in a mad rush last-minute, but I'd rather not.
You know, I really do have a hard time just taking Tyler time...
Things are okay with Charles, by the way. Good as they could be. I am getting a little sick of the limited contact, to be frank. I want someone to go places with. I want to go out with someone. I want to cuddle. I want to fuck.
I still like him, though. I like what we have. We're sort of in relationship, haha. He's sort of my boyfriend.
I am looking forward to arguing. We both agreed on this, haha... He brought it up, actually. We've been all lovey-dovey for so long now... I am eager to have every level of a relationship going on. I know we disagree on a number of points. I want to be able to disagree and make it clear and maybe explode at him in fury, just so I know we really are honest and open with each other... Just so I know he knows me, so I know that I know him. Yes. That's a huge part of what I want. I want a greater reality... A relentless exposure to who we really are.
I also suspect that making up would be amazing.
Funny.
I think I am going to go make some soup now. I hope Ada's left. I just really don't want to have to interact with anybody.
That is all.
- Tyler
It's a cold... It sort of got me yesterday. Maybe it was Sunday? Yes, Sunday I had a sore throat and sort of lost my voice by the end of the day. Yesterday I started to feel really run-down. Today I am a wreck. My throat hurts... I sound terrible... my nose is plugged... I get exhausted just moving around the house... I can't think straight. Yes, this sucks.
I also feel like it's a blessing.
Finally, I can stop moving. I'm not going to class today. I'm not leaving the house today. It has been weeks since I've had a day like this.
However... I need to write an essay...
I don't really know how I got here. I feel like I'm a really lazy person, but when I stop and think about it I am one of the busiest people I know. I guess... I feel like my biggest problem is my "divided loyalties". I feel lazy because there are a million things I am supposed to be involved in and I only do half of each of those things. Sure, I volunteered at Ashley's campaign booth last week, but I didn't stay the whole time I was supposed to be there. Sure, I go to class and stay on top of things, but I never get all of my readings done. Sure, I stay on top of things at my house, but it's never as clean as I'd like it to be. I am always running all over to get things done...
I can't remember the last time I just stayed in my pyjamas all day.
I need to work on my essay.
Really, though, I have just exhausted myself... Run myself into the ground... There was the emotional roller-coaster of deciding what to do with St. Andrews... the constant up-and-downs there. There's been the stress of talking to strangers every day with Ashley's campaign. There's been the general stress and anxiety of school.
I am sort of tempted to make this a do-nothing day... I worry that that would be a bad idea, though. Sure, I could write my essay in a mad rush last-minute, but I'd rather not.
You know, I really do have a hard time just taking Tyler time...
Things are okay with Charles, by the way. Good as they could be. I am getting a little sick of the limited contact, to be frank. I want someone to go places with. I want to go out with someone. I want to cuddle. I want to fuck.
I still like him, though. I like what we have. We're sort of in relationship, haha. He's sort of my boyfriend.
I am looking forward to arguing. We both agreed on this, haha... He brought it up, actually. We've been all lovey-dovey for so long now... I am eager to have every level of a relationship going on. I know we disagree on a number of points. I want to be able to disagree and make it clear and maybe explode at him in fury, just so I know we really are honest and open with each other... Just so I know he knows me, so I know that I know him. Yes. That's a huge part of what I want. I want a greater reality... A relentless exposure to who we really are.
I also suspect that making up would be amazing.
Funny.
I think I am going to go make some soup now. I hope Ada's left. I just really don't want to have to interact with anybody.
That is all.
- Tyler