honey or tar; jonghyun-centric, pg-13
honey or tar
jonghyun-centric
1793 words
gen
pg-13
a/n: i started this back in march with the intention of finishing it by jonghyun's birthday, but i kinda gave up for a while. but it's done now, so...enjoy? ;;
jonghyun doesn't mind much at first.
he's been working too hard, and even he knows it, feels it whenever he moves and tries to shake off the sickening sensation of that bone chip grating against his ligaments.
he's just about to ask the manager for a break, just even a day off. when gyeongshik hyung finally comes up to him and says 'management says you should take some time off after the operation,' he's almost ready to kiss the man in glee.
the first few days or so aren't bad, waking up a little later than usual, relaxing at the table while the others scramble to make themselves presentable and get to wherever they need to go on time.
after a couple weeks, though, when he's watched every dvd they own, read every single novel, flipped through their entire manhwa collection, and listened to every song on his ipod at least six times--that's when the boredom begins to set in.
he starts sleeping more, getting up only after everyone else has left for the day, sitting blankly in front of the tv or the computer for a few hours and then retreating to the silence of his room when the others start to come back in the evening.
it's not that he wants to avoid them, it's just that they've all got things to do, and he doesn't, and there's only so many blow-by-blows of this radio program and that concert that he can take.
plus, it seems like the other four are doing fine without him.
which shouldn't sting as much as it does.
or so he tells himself after taemin's finished telling him about the last movie premiere they attended and omits the by now usual jonghyun hyung, you should have been with us, it's not the same without you at the end.
eventually this boredom begins to morph into something more, something uglier. all of a sudden he's filled with this nauseating mix of jealousy and frustration whenever he's flipping channels and he catches a glimpse of them on tv (so happy, the four of them) or an article pops up on the internet.
rising stars shining shinee
he manages to keep it under control, but that thought still lingers in the back of his mind.
jonghyun doesn't want to be forgotten.
things inevitably come to a head a few days later.
arriving late one night after a schedule, jinki turns the light on as the others collapse at the dining table.
jonghyun shuffles out of his room moments later, walking right past them without a word as he opens the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of water.
leaning against the counter, he watches the others unnoticed, eyes hooded as minho prods jinki in the arm.
'jinki hyung. come on, go to bed.'
jinki's head shoots up for a second before he mumbles sleepily and tucks his head back into his folded arms.
minho sighs and gets up from the table, muttering to himself as he walks past jonghyun.
'wish we had time to get some decent rest.'
jonghyun can't help but retort, 'wanna trade? i've got loads of time here.'
minho stiffens and turns around. 'yes, that must be wonderful,' he says, a tinge of annoyance lacing his words. 'having the freedom to sleep as much as you want, do whatever you want.'
jonghyun bristles at the remark, pushing himself away from the counter and coming to stand dangerously close to the taller boy, glaring up at his face.
'is that supposed to mean something, minho?'
minho scoffs and begins to turn away when jonghyun grabs his wrist and pulls him back.
'knock it off, hyung, what's your problem?' minho says irritably. 'if you're really that bored here, why don't you go home for a few days or something?'
'you'd like that, wouldn't you?' jonghyun replies angrily, his voice rising rapidly. 'you all would, you'd all prefer it if i wasn't here, isn't that right?' he starts yelling as he gesticulates wildy at the other three, who are now wide awake and staring at the confrontation in front of them.
'what, you think i'm having loads of fun sitting around here while you all go out and do everything?' jonghyun all but screams. 'you think it's fucking fun to watch all of you go out and do everything that i should be doing too? and then i have to listen to you come back and go on and on and fucking on about it?'
kibum begins to stand up in an effort to intervene. 'i think you're taking this out of--'
jonghyun rounds on him, eyes glittering with rage. 'stay out of this, kibum,' he snaps.
the younger boy's eyes widen as he abruptly sits back down.
minho tries to reason with him. 'hyung, that's not what i meant--'
'oh yeah? then what the fuck did you actually mean, minho?'
minho doesn't reply.
a few moments of charged silence pass before jonghyun lets loose his grasp on minho's wrist and walks to the front door, throwing it open with a loud bang.
'yeah, well, whatever. i don't give a damn,' jonghyun spits out without looking back as he slams the door behind him.
minho collapses into the nearest chair, completely exhausted, and buries his face into his hands.
jonghyun doesn't know where he's going, he just knows he has to get away for the time being. he wanders around for what seems like an hour until he finally comes across an empty playground.
dropping heavily into one of the swings, he twists around in it listlessly as he goes over what just happened in his mind once more.
he hadn't meant for all that to happen, and he certainly wasn't expecting minho to react like that.
he feels a wave of sick guilt wash over him as he fights the urge to vomit.
'jonghyun.'
he doesn't immediately turn toward the soft voice, but rather spins around, allowing the chains of the swing to untwist themselves. when he comes to a stop he's facing jinki, who is panting for breath and looking more uncertain now than he's ever seen him look before. behind him are taemin and kibum, both wearing similar expressions.
kibum suddenly blurts out, 'minho didn't want to come.'
jonghyun remains mute. he wouldn't have expected him to come anyway.
'you know he didn't mean anything by what he said,' jinki continues uneasily. 'and if you still want to go home, you're more than free to. but remember this isn't because we don't want you around. we just want you to get better. not just your foot, but all of you,' he concludes.
'i know.' there's nothing else left to say, so jonghyun looks back down at his feet scuffing the ground.
a few moments later kibum claps his hands together in an effort to dispel the silence, calling the other three to his attention. 'well, if that's all settled, then let's go home.'
a wan smile finally appears on jonghyun's lips. 'that's all right, you go ahead. i think i'll stay here for a bit.'
kibum shrugs and turns to leave but lets out a small shriek when taemin pulls him back and sits him firmly on the ground next to the swing, jinki joining the two of them a split second later.
taemin then turns to jonghyun and speaks for the first time that evening. 'we're not leaving without you, hyung,' he says with a determined look on his face.
jonghyun wants to break down, wants to hug them and wail out an apology for acting like such an idiot.
instead he resumes staring at the cold ground as the other three silently wait beside him.
it's nearly dawn when they return to their dorm. jinki, kibum, and taemin wearily make a beeline for their bedroom as jonghyun lingers in the entrance, debating whether to go to bed right away or not.
figuring that it's probably safe to go inside now, he quietly enters his and minho's room where he finds the other boy asleep in his chair, desk lamp still on.
he turns the small light off but quickly crawls into bed and pulls the blankets up over his head when he hears minho begin to stir.
jonghyun leaves later that morning without a word, just a note left on the kitchen counter.
gonna stay at home for a while. i'll keep my phone on
going home was definitely a good idea. his mother's taken some time off from the kindergarten and his sister's also come to stay for a while since he's never been around this long since before he debuted.
it's going so well, in fact, that he's almost managed to forget why he even came in the first place until his text alert goes off one day.
jonghyun opens the message and blinks in mild surprise when he sees it's from minho, of all people.
jonghyun hyung. how are you? we're all doing well here, taemin says to say he misses you. hope you're having fun at home.
minho's never been one with words, but the fact that he even bothered to send a message says more than enough itself.
'apology accepted,' he says to himself as he quickly types out a reply.
haha dw about me, im having loads of fun w/o you guys :) tell taeminnie i miss him too and pls make sure kibum doesnt kill jinki hyung
it seems like in no time at all jonghyun's exchanging tearful goodbyes with his family again and heading back to the dorm.
he's barely unlocked the door and set a foot inside when he hears a loud commotion, stopping short a moment before the other four barrel almost directly into him.
'nice going,' kibum snaps. 'kill him before he's even inside. brilliant idea.'
jonghyun grins. 'nice to see you too, kibummie,' he says, pinching the other's cheek and ignoring his scowl as he continues inside.
minho's standing in the back, the look on his face unreadable. as jonghyun nears, he starts with 'look, i'm really sor--' before jonghyun cuts him off.
'it's okay,' he interjects, beaming even more widely as minho breaks into a small smile of relief. punching him lightly in the shoulder, he adds, 'you could make it up to me by getting my things inside, though.'
minho smacks his arm away and turns around to walk off. 'do it yourself, hyung.'
'is that how you speak to a cripple?' jonghyun shouts after him. 'whatever happened to better treatment for the handicapped?'
'shut up and get your stuff in here already,' kibum grumbles as he passes by.
jonghyun laughs and picks up his bags, carrying them inside as he thinks, it's good to be back.
jonghyun-centric
1793 words
gen
pg-13
a/n: i started this back in march with the intention of finishing it by jonghyun's birthday, but i kinda gave up for a while. but it's done now, so...enjoy? ;;
jonghyun doesn't mind much at first.
he's been working too hard, and even he knows it, feels it whenever he moves and tries to shake off the sickening sensation of that bone chip grating against his ligaments.
he's just about to ask the manager for a break, just even a day off. when gyeongshik hyung finally comes up to him and says 'management says you should take some time off after the operation,' he's almost ready to kiss the man in glee.
the first few days or so aren't bad, waking up a little later than usual, relaxing at the table while the others scramble to make themselves presentable and get to wherever they need to go on time.
after a couple weeks, though, when he's watched every dvd they own, read every single novel, flipped through their entire manhwa collection, and listened to every song on his ipod at least six times--that's when the boredom begins to set in.
he starts sleeping more, getting up only after everyone else has left for the day, sitting blankly in front of the tv or the computer for a few hours and then retreating to the silence of his room when the others start to come back in the evening.
it's not that he wants to avoid them, it's just that they've all got things to do, and he doesn't, and there's only so many blow-by-blows of this radio program and that concert that he can take.
plus, it seems like the other four are doing fine without him.
which shouldn't sting as much as it does.
or so he tells himself after taemin's finished telling him about the last movie premiere they attended and omits the by now usual jonghyun hyung, you should have been with us, it's not the same without you at the end.
eventually this boredom begins to morph into something more, something uglier. all of a sudden he's filled with this nauseating mix of jealousy and frustration whenever he's flipping channels and he catches a glimpse of them on tv (so happy, the four of them) or an article pops up on the internet.
rising stars shining shinee
he manages to keep it under control, but that thought still lingers in the back of his mind.
jonghyun doesn't want to be forgotten.
things inevitably come to a head a few days later.
arriving late one night after a schedule, jinki turns the light on as the others collapse at the dining table.
jonghyun shuffles out of his room moments later, walking right past them without a word as he opens the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of water.
leaning against the counter, he watches the others unnoticed, eyes hooded as minho prods jinki in the arm.
'jinki hyung. come on, go to bed.'
jinki's head shoots up for a second before he mumbles sleepily and tucks his head back into his folded arms.
minho sighs and gets up from the table, muttering to himself as he walks past jonghyun.
'wish we had time to get some decent rest.'
jonghyun can't help but retort, 'wanna trade? i've got loads of time here.'
minho stiffens and turns around. 'yes, that must be wonderful,' he says, a tinge of annoyance lacing his words. 'having the freedom to sleep as much as you want, do whatever you want.'
jonghyun bristles at the remark, pushing himself away from the counter and coming to stand dangerously close to the taller boy, glaring up at his face.
'is that supposed to mean something, minho?'
minho scoffs and begins to turn away when jonghyun grabs his wrist and pulls him back.
'knock it off, hyung, what's your problem?' minho says irritably. 'if you're really that bored here, why don't you go home for a few days or something?'
'you'd like that, wouldn't you?' jonghyun replies angrily, his voice rising rapidly. 'you all would, you'd all prefer it if i wasn't here, isn't that right?' he starts yelling as he gesticulates wildy at the other three, who are now wide awake and staring at the confrontation in front of them.
'what, you think i'm having loads of fun sitting around here while you all go out and do everything?' jonghyun all but screams. 'you think it's fucking fun to watch all of you go out and do everything that i should be doing too? and then i have to listen to you come back and go on and on and fucking on about it?'
kibum begins to stand up in an effort to intervene. 'i think you're taking this out of--'
jonghyun rounds on him, eyes glittering with rage. 'stay out of this, kibum,' he snaps.
the younger boy's eyes widen as he abruptly sits back down.
minho tries to reason with him. 'hyung, that's not what i meant--'
'oh yeah? then what the fuck did you actually mean, minho?'
minho doesn't reply.
a few moments of charged silence pass before jonghyun lets loose his grasp on minho's wrist and walks to the front door, throwing it open with a loud bang.
'yeah, well, whatever. i don't give a damn,' jonghyun spits out without looking back as he slams the door behind him.
minho collapses into the nearest chair, completely exhausted, and buries his face into his hands.
jonghyun doesn't know where he's going, he just knows he has to get away for the time being. he wanders around for what seems like an hour until he finally comes across an empty playground.
dropping heavily into one of the swings, he twists around in it listlessly as he goes over what just happened in his mind once more.
he hadn't meant for all that to happen, and he certainly wasn't expecting minho to react like that.
he feels a wave of sick guilt wash over him as he fights the urge to vomit.
'jonghyun.'
he doesn't immediately turn toward the soft voice, but rather spins around, allowing the chains of the swing to untwist themselves. when he comes to a stop he's facing jinki, who is panting for breath and looking more uncertain now than he's ever seen him look before. behind him are taemin and kibum, both wearing similar expressions.
kibum suddenly blurts out, 'minho didn't want to come.'
jonghyun remains mute. he wouldn't have expected him to come anyway.
'you know he didn't mean anything by what he said,' jinki continues uneasily. 'and if you still want to go home, you're more than free to. but remember this isn't because we don't want you around. we just want you to get better. not just your foot, but all of you,' he concludes.
'i know.' there's nothing else left to say, so jonghyun looks back down at his feet scuffing the ground.
a few moments later kibum claps his hands together in an effort to dispel the silence, calling the other three to his attention. 'well, if that's all settled, then let's go home.'
a wan smile finally appears on jonghyun's lips. 'that's all right, you go ahead. i think i'll stay here for a bit.'
kibum shrugs and turns to leave but lets out a small shriek when taemin pulls him back and sits him firmly on the ground next to the swing, jinki joining the two of them a split second later.
taemin then turns to jonghyun and speaks for the first time that evening. 'we're not leaving without you, hyung,' he says with a determined look on his face.
jonghyun wants to break down, wants to hug them and wail out an apology for acting like such an idiot.
instead he resumes staring at the cold ground as the other three silently wait beside him.
it's nearly dawn when they return to their dorm. jinki, kibum, and taemin wearily make a beeline for their bedroom as jonghyun lingers in the entrance, debating whether to go to bed right away or not.
figuring that it's probably safe to go inside now, he quietly enters his and minho's room where he finds the other boy asleep in his chair, desk lamp still on.
he turns the small light off but quickly crawls into bed and pulls the blankets up over his head when he hears minho begin to stir.
jonghyun leaves later that morning without a word, just a note left on the kitchen counter.
gonna stay at home for a while. i'll keep my phone on
going home was definitely a good idea. his mother's taken some time off from the kindergarten and his sister's also come to stay for a while since he's never been around this long since before he debuted.
it's going so well, in fact, that he's almost managed to forget why he even came in the first place until his text alert goes off one day.
jonghyun opens the message and blinks in mild surprise when he sees it's from minho, of all people.
jonghyun hyung. how are you? we're all doing well here, taemin says to say he misses you. hope you're having fun at home.
minho's never been one with words, but the fact that he even bothered to send a message says more than enough itself.
'apology accepted,' he says to himself as he quickly types out a reply.
haha dw about me, im having loads of fun w/o you guys :) tell taeminnie i miss him too and pls make sure kibum doesnt kill jinki hyung
it seems like in no time at all jonghyun's exchanging tearful goodbyes with his family again and heading back to the dorm.
he's barely unlocked the door and set a foot inside when he hears a loud commotion, stopping short a moment before the other four barrel almost directly into him.
'nice going,' kibum snaps. 'kill him before he's even inside. brilliant idea.'
jonghyun grins. 'nice to see you too, kibummie,' he says, pinching the other's cheek and ignoring his scowl as he continues inside.
minho's standing in the back, the look on his face unreadable. as jonghyun nears, he starts with 'look, i'm really sor--' before jonghyun cuts him off.
'it's okay,' he interjects, beaming even more widely as minho breaks into a small smile of relief. punching him lightly in the shoulder, he adds, 'you could make it up to me by getting my things inside, though.'
minho smacks his arm away and turns around to walk off. 'do it yourself, hyung.'
'is that how you speak to a cripple?' jonghyun shouts after him. 'whatever happened to better treatment for the handicapped?'
'shut up and get your stuff in here already,' kibum grumbles as he passes by.
jonghyun laughs and picks up his bags, carrying them inside as he thinks, it's good to be back.