Motion is meditation
• Motion is meditation
Being "that guy" who runs a lot has gotten me questions like why the hell do you do that? Honestly I've never given it much thought before until now. Generally I'd like to keep my bitching to a minimum, I mean what do I really have to bitch about, but lately school has been getting me down. I get up at 6, go to class until 5, attempt to work out and then work on classes until I go to sleep. This really isn't a difficult situation but for some reason I have been feeling increased stress and a sense of helplessness or that I'm too weak to do the work that is required of me. Not weakness in a physical sense but a weakness in the sense that I am not good enough, smart enough, etc. Like my very existance is being questioned and I have nothing to dissuade the universe that I am not worthless in a general sense.
Yesterday felt particularly futile for no particular reason other than sitting in class from 9 to 5. Granted a crappy job would feel the same way but you can justify that with the fact that you are getting paid. I went for a walk during the 10 minute break we had between classes about 3. The snow was falling heavily and it was very quiet. I wandered towards the other side of campus and thought of nothing. I came to the other side and made my way back to the next class.
Thick, heavy, windless snow really dampens the sounds around you to the point where it is quiet but you can hear the collective noise of snow hitting the ground, which doesn't really even register as a sound in and of itself. It also obscures vision so that everything sees disconnected and removed. For awhile it feels like you are walking in a completely empty world, there are no people, there is no distraction from the absolute quiet while your body repeats a motion over and over again. I wish I could have been running at that point, far out in the open with only my heart beat and breathing to keep the rhythm with my feet.
Later, despite my extreme want to go home, I went to workout. It was very dark at that point so I stayed inside... something I despise doing. There were some perks to running on a treadmill, aparently there is a station in Denver that plays U2 sometimes. Rocking out to "Sunday Bloody Sunday" and running at 8.5 mph felt really good.
After running and sweating a great deal (I'm naturally a sweaty person) I realized that this is my meditation. Being in motion allows me to still my mind and focus on my breathing. I've tried to meditate before, being quiet and counting my breaths, but it felt too much like sleep. A good run makes me feel calm and alive, strong when I am otherwise weak.
Motion is my meditation, my mantra is so ingrained in my mind that I can not lose it. So now it is a matter of ensuring that I do this everyday, not for my physical health or merely my competitiveness, but for my mental stability
Being "that guy" who runs a lot has gotten me questions like why the hell do you do that? Honestly I've never given it much thought before until now. Generally I'd like to keep my bitching to a minimum, I mean what do I really have to bitch about, but lately school has been getting me down. I get up at 6, go to class until 5, attempt to work out and then work on classes until I go to sleep. This really isn't a difficult situation but for some reason I have been feeling increased stress and a sense of helplessness or that I'm too weak to do the work that is required of me. Not weakness in a physical sense but a weakness in the sense that I am not good enough, smart enough, etc. Like my very existance is being questioned and I have nothing to dissuade the universe that I am not worthless in a general sense.
Yesterday felt particularly futile for no particular reason other than sitting in class from 9 to 5. Granted a crappy job would feel the same way but you can justify that with the fact that you are getting paid. I went for a walk during the 10 minute break we had between classes about 3. The snow was falling heavily and it was very quiet. I wandered towards the other side of campus and thought of nothing. I came to the other side and made my way back to the next class.
Thick, heavy, windless snow really dampens the sounds around you to the point where it is quiet but you can hear the collective noise of snow hitting the ground, which doesn't really even register as a sound in and of itself. It also obscures vision so that everything sees disconnected and removed. For awhile it feels like you are walking in a completely empty world, there are no people, there is no distraction from the absolute quiet while your body repeats a motion over and over again. I wish I could have been running at that point, far out in the open with only my heart beat and breathing to keep the rhythm with my feet.
Later, despite my extreme want to go home, I went to workout. It was very dark at that point so I stayed inside... something I despise doing. There were some perks to running on a treadmill, aparently there is a station in Denver that plays U2 sometimes. Rocking out to "Sunday Bloody Sunday" and running at 8.5 mph felt really good.
After running and sweating a great deal (I'm naturally a sweaty person) I realized that this is my meditation. Being in motion allows me to still my mind and focus on my breathing. I've tried to meditate before, being quiet and counting my breaths, but it felt too much like sleep. A good run makes me feel calm and alive, strong when I am otherwise weak.
Motion is my meditation, my mantra is so ingrained in my mind that I can not lose it. So now it is a matter of ensuring that I do this everyday, not for my physical health or merely my competitiveness, but for my mental stability