(no subject)
ah, college-style procrastinating, how i missed you. i haven't procrastinated by writing in livejournal in quite a while. i am burnt out. i can't concentrate. this is the second week of a prolonged period of writing papers, doing projects, and writing more papers. i have almost finished two papers, but i can't seem to motivate myself to polish them off. and i have one more left. i haven't started it at all, and it involves a 15-page outline or something equally painful. it's not that i am uninterested, i am actually interested in all the papers but the last one.
it's just a bad day today. mostly because my roommate dropped the bomb on me that, oh, you know, she's moving out in DECEMBER! ahhhhh!! apparently it is because she has a bad immune system or whatever, and the fact that we don't exactly have the best heating system in our apartment, aka it is kinda cold in here all the time. the thing about this that is weird is that she only actually sleeps here two nights a week. the other five nights, she babysits overnight for this lady who does have heat. it's usually warmer in my room, so i offered that she could sleep in my room on the nights when she is here, but she said no because then it would still be cold in the rest of the house.
so, this basically is going to fuck me. she signed a lease until august, but she is apparently going to tell my landlord that she didn't know about the heat when she signed the lease. no shit, it was summer! i mean, i did mention it to her, it wasn't like i was trying to hide it from her or anything. it's not like she is trying to be a bitch, and she doesn't seem to have any animosity towards me about it, but it is just awkward, and this is really going to suck ass for me, regardless of the outcome. as of now, i have a couple remote roommate possibilities, because i do know of two people i actually know who may want to be moving to Denver from the suburbs. otherwise, i don't know what the hell is going to happen. i can't afford to pay all the rent by myself. i don't really feel like dealing with finding another roommate on craigslist or some other semi-sketchy medium. and i can't break my side of the lease.. besides, i sure as hell don't want to move. i just need a place to live until july or august when i can get this grad school RA-type job and live for free down on campus.
also, unrelated to the roommate thing, but related to my distraction from work... i went on a date with this guy and he wants to keep seeing me, but i don't really have time for such bullshit right now. he's hot and i have a good time with him and all. however, i have been realizing more and more how i don't trust guys and i figure he is just a player and i'm about to get played, if you will. or it could be that our mutual friend says he's not into commitment and not to expect too much. also, when i met him, i assumed he was relatively close to my age. he's not, he's 34! that's old! and so i feel obligated to get my shit done and make a little time to at least see him for a bit this weekend...because i told him i would.. but there are so many less stressful things i could do in that time, like watch a movie with a friend, or sleep... things that don't involve getting dressed up or you know, making an effort of any kind.
and then there is all the stuff in the back of my mind about going home for thanksgiving. i am really excited about seeing family and friends, as well as the ridiculous 5-year high school reunion... but i have to still manage to get my shit together, get from point a to point b, and mentally prepare myself for things like... my drama-rific family, which promises to be impressive this year with some particularly dysfunctional relatives joining us for thanksgiving dinner, or.. the beltway, or the general blast from the past that will be my high school reunion.
wow, i feel better. now i know why they say burnout is a major problem for social workers! it's because they have no money, too much work, and roommates bailing out on them .. at least my actual social work internship is going really well lately. really busy, but really well. i'm really working with individual kids on things now, and the diversity tolerance program i am running with the older kids is taking off.
i think social workers need therapy. or maybe everyone needs therapy. it's like the little fake therapy session i had with a girl from the counseling school. knowing how people have to tape themselves interviewing people for finals (i did it too), i volunteered to help my friend's counseling classmate with hers. it was crazy, i just started talking about all kinds of stuff that is stressing me out. it was sort of weird, but i think just having an excuse to bitch and lay all your shit out on the table without feeling guilty can be refreshing. you don't want to unload shit on your family and friends, but it seems ok to do it on somebody you don't really know who is there to listen to you. maybe that's bad. of course, that makes me wonder if there is even really any skill involved in counseling people... i mean, the more i learn in social work school, the more i think anyone with decent social skills could be plenty effective at helping someone at least feel better by listening to them. anyway... you all just made me feel better by listening to me. i don't even know why i am posting this publicly. usually with things like this i just write it down somewhere or delete it. oh, well. for some reason i am just going to put it out there in the blogosphere. maybe other people are bored and morbidly fascinated with other people's drama like i am. maybe now i can handle attempting to finish some work.
it's just a bad day today. mostly because my roommate dropped the bomb on me that, oh, you know, she's moving out in DECEMBER! ahhhhh!! apparently it is because she has a bad immune system or whatever, and the fact that we don't exactly have the best heating system in our apartment, aka it is kinda cold in here all the time. the thing about this that is weird is that she only actually sleeps here two nights a week. the other five nights, she babysits overnight for this lady who does have heat. it's usually warmer in my room, so i offered that she could sleep in my room on the nights when she is here, but she said no because then it would still be cold in the rest of the house.
so, this basically is going to fuck me. she signed a lease until august, but she is apparently going to tell my landlord that she didn't know about the heat when she signed the lease. no shit, it was summer! i mean, i did mention it to her, it wasn't like i was trying to hide it from her or anything. it's not like she is trying to be a bitch, and she doesn't seem to have any animosity towards me about it, but it is just awkward, and this is really going to suck ass for me, regardless of the outcome. as of now, i have a couple remote roommate possibilities, because i do know of two people i actually know who may want to be moving to Denver from the suburbs. otherwise, i don't know what the hell is going to happen. i can't afford to pay all the rent by myself. i don't really feel like dealing with finding another roommate on craigslist or some other semi-sketchy medium. and i can't break my side of the lease.. besides, i sure as hell don't want to move. i just need a place to live until july or august when i can get this grad school RA-type job and live for free down on campus.
also, unrelated to the roommate thing, but related to my distraction from work... i went on a date with this guy and he wants to keep seeing me, but i don't really have time for such bullshit right now. he's hot and i have a good time with him and all. however, i have been realizing more and more how i don't trust guys and i figure he is just a player and i'm about to get played, if you will. or it could be that our mutual friend says he's not into commitment and not to expect too much. also, when i met him, i assumed he was relatively close to my age. he's not, he's 34! that's old! and so i feel obligated to get my shit done and make a little time to at least see him for a bit this weekend...because i told him i would.. but there are so many less stressful things i could do in that time, like watch a movie with a friend, or sleep... things that don't involve getting dressed up or you know, making an effort of any kind.
and then there is all the stuff in the back of my mind about going home for thanksgiving. i am really excited about seeing family and friends, as well as the ridiculous 5-year high school reunion... but i have to still manage to get my shit together, get from point a to point b, and mentally prepare myself for things like... my drama-rific family, which promises to be impressive this year with some particularly dysfunctional relatives joining us for thanksgiving dinner, or.. the beltway, or the general blast from the past that will be my high school reunion.
wow, i feel better. now i know why they say burnout is a major problem for social workers! it's because they have no money, too much work, and roommates bailing out on them .. at least my actual social work internship is going really well lately. really busy, but really well. i'm really working with individual kids on things now, and the diversity tolerance program i am running with the older kids is taking off.
i think social workers need therapy. or maybe everyone needs therapy. it's like the little fake therapy session i had with a girl from the counseling school. knowing how people have to tape themselves interviewing people for finals (i did it too), i volunteered to help my friend's counseling classmate with hers. it was crazy, i just started talking about all kinds of stuff that is stressing me out. it was sort of weird, but i think just having an excuse to bitch and lay all your shit out on the table without feeling guilty can be refreshing. you don't want to unload shit on your family and friends, but it seems ok to do it on somebody you don't really know who is there to listen to you. maybe that's bad. of course, that makes me wonder if there is even really any skill involved in counseling people... i mean, the more i learn in social work school, the more i think anyone with decent social skills could be plenty effective at helping someone at least feel better by listening to them. anyway... you all just made me feel better by listening to me. i don't even know why i am posting this publicly. usually with things like this i just write it down somewhere or delete it. oh, well. for some reason i am just going to put it out there in the blogosphere. maybe other people are bored and morbidly fascinated with other people's drama like i am. maybe now i can handle attempting to finish some work.