And then there's nothing left.
There are times that I just feel like there's nothing going on inside, like I'm just this incomplete waste of a human being. I don't know who or what I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to feel or what I'm supposed to think. It's times like these that I just want the world to stop. I just want five minutes peace. I think that's all suicidal thoughts are... just a desperate wish for a few minutes peace.
I try to talk to you... I can't get past the weather.
I'm desperately trying to keep it all together. I know that you don't understand. You never have, and you probably never will. Even if I were to be completely honest with you and let you know all the things that haunt me and keep me awake at night, you would probably shrug it off and trivialize my feelings. I hate it when you do that. It's one thing to not understand someone, it's another thing to offer someone a swift kick in the derriere, it's a completely different thing to ignore the real issues at hand and condescend to someone while spouting the banalities of your narrow view of how life should be.
Not everyone has it all together. I know that I don't.
I just wish that I could carve myself open, or maybe find those screws that hold me together and just peel them off one by one. I kind of think of myself like a watch. You see the second hand ticking away, idly whiling away the minutes and the hours, mercilessly pressing life onward, but you don't really know how the piece works. If I could just peel away my face like the face of a watch, maybe I could see my own cogs and sprockets working and then, for once, truly understand what it is that makes me tick the way that I do.
You can't say a word 'cause I leap down your throat -- so uptight am I...
I just want to be... free. I want to be free of all this. I want to be free to feel that it is okay to be me. I want to be free of the need to find validation from other people. I want to be free of the need to have someone else voice their approval of the decisions I make in order for me to find completion in them. I just want to be satisfied with who and what I am on my own merit, but that seems to be near impossible. I just want to wake up and be free... just free.
I wish I never learned how to cry...
I try to talk to you... I can't get past the weather.
I'm desperately trying to keep it all together. I know that you don't understand. You never have, and you probably never will. Even if I were to be completely honest with you and let you know all the things that haunt me and keep me awake at night, you would probably shrug it off and trivialize my feelings. I hate it when you do that. It's one thing to not understand someone, it's another thing to offer someone a swift kick in the derriere, it's a completely different thing to ignore the real issues at hand and condescend to someone while spouting the banalities of your narrow view of how life should be.
Not everyone has it all together. I know that I don't.
I just wish that I could carve myself open, or maybe find those screws that hold me together and just peel them off one by one. I kind of think of myself like a watch. You see the second hand ticking away, idly whiling away the minutes and the hours, mercilessly pressing life onward, but you don't really know how the piece works. If I could just peel away my face like the face of a watch, maybe I could see my own cogs and sprockets working and then, for once, truly understand what it is that makes me tick the way that I do.
You can't say a word 'cause I leap down your throat -- so uptight am I...
I just want to be... free. I want to be free of all this. I want to be free to feel that it is okay to be me. I want to be free of the need to find validation from other people. I want to be free of the need to have someone else voice their approval of the decisions I make in order for me to find completion in them. I just want to be satisfied with who and what I am on my own merit, but that seems to be near impossible. I just want to wake up and be free... just free.
I wish I never learned how to cry...