Looking for something I can mistake for meaning...
At school, I found I actually prefer the weekdays to the weekends. Scary, no?
It's because I associate value with the meaning something has, whether an accomplishment in a videogame, finishing a compelling story (reading or writing), or deepening a friendship/relationship. Heck, even class discussions and work has meaning. But on college weekends, most people (and nearly all my friends) are drunk and such. Nothing has meaning and even memories are malleable. It's all meaningless entertainment and I CAN'T STAND IT! (insert Charlie Brown impression here)
But the alternative is to be alone. I have the impossible choice of meaningful solitude and meaningless partying. Even if I were accomplish the dubious college dream of hooking up with a chick at a party (an impossibilty in itself) it still wouldn't mean anything.
That's sort of why I desired a girlfriend in my first years here. I'd want a happy medium on weekends, so I wouldn't be alone and could still develop a meaningful relationship.
But I won't find that here. So I'm back to the impossible choice. At least I know which choice is better for my body. I just want to get back to my home friends, where I can deepen my friendships.
"The night will come and rip away her wings of innocence with everything we say."