Are you kidding? Are you. Are you just. Are you kidding?
Why hello there, maybe you remember me, I paid you thousands of dollars so that I could study my arse off and gain a diploma that might help me get a job (admittedly in the luxury industry of my choice which is likely to go down the tubes anyway once the recession really kicks in over here, but still). Perhaps this rings a bell -- I'm the student who couldn't get a loan or a living allowance until three weeks after I should have because someone somewhere in your organisation didn't register that, yes, I was studying full time. I am the student who spent a week ringing both you and StudyLink trying to sort that particular administrative oversight out for you, and I thank you sincerely for the ulcer that precipitated. I am also the student whose books went missing because they were sent to the wrong adress OVER A MONTH after I'd told all and sundry -- seriously, everyone I could find with an email address who might be interested to know -- that I'd moved. Oh, and yes, I'm the student whose tutor rang her parents at said OLD ADDRESS (a mere TEN MONTHS since I'd lived there) to freak them out that I was going to fail the course because she hadn't received the final assignment, due THREE WEEKS previously, and had only just decided to see if maybe there was some mistake. Why yes, lady, I did send you the assignment, and yes, it was on time, and no it wasn't to the correct address, because when you supply students with three different email addresses, one of which is wrong, some poor bastard (me) is bound to use that instead of randomly picking one of the correct ones. And thanks, it's good to know that I passed the module (despite being granted an extension I neither asked for nor needed), but it might pay to actually LET SOMEONE ELSE KNOW so that, three months after finishing the damn course I'm not still emailing (apparently into a black hole, since I haven't had any repsonses) and ringing people trying to find out why I haven't a) had confirmation that I passed the course, or b) received my diploma or transcript. Thank fuck there aren't any publishing jobs in this town right now, otherwise I might've actually needed that diploma that I paid for and achieved but haven't yet seen hide nor hair of. And thanks again, oh Administrators Of Doom, for not thinking to follow up on your students, maybe check on the ones who are listed as "incomplete" and from whom you have not had any communication because all of your email addresses apparently actually deliver to Pandora's Inbox. It certainly is a good idea to make your students responsible for chasing you up when there's an admin error -- oh, wait, I meant when there are HALF A DOZEN really quite critical admin errors preventing them from successfully concluding this contract we entered into where I paid you to do your job while I did mine. That's a fine way to run a tertiary institution.
No love, no respect and no fucking patience left, I remain not yours at all,
prudence.