Stealth Disagreements

[prtyldy]

Anna and I have recently discovered that we have differing opinions on stealth. She sees that as her ultimate goal, and I have an aversion to the whole idea. We have talked about it a few times, and I have been trying to get a grasp on my feelings, because a lot of my dislike for the idea is a gut reaction, and I am not entirely sure why I have

Comments

to some of it, I can relate

[outofsynch]

I have friends I met b/f they transitioned and in my mind, when I think about those times, they are who they were when I met them and it doesn't change who they are now. It can be confusing to talk about the same person in two genders w/in the same paragraph b/c I referece a cross-section of time, but for me the transition doesn't change who they were or who they are. and it doesn't have to. for me.
but I haven't asked them how they feel about it, and if they saw their transition as a re-birth and a fresh start and a way to leave their past behind, I would try to respect their wishes. I don't know if I would be able to, but I would try. I would also hope that they wouldn't demand it of me, and respect my abilities and feelings in the situations as well.

it's funny. i always saw transitioning as just one more form of "gay". the first time I heard someone talking about whether or not being gay was a choice she said, "who would ever choose this? I certainly wouldn't." She's right. being gay, or lesbian is hard as hell sometimes - in some areas more so than others. you fear being raped, beaten, fired, killed, slandered, openly criticized, having your stuff vandalized....every day. at least I do.
and I know my girl has those same fears - just a different starting point. none of us chose to feel the way we do. we did choose to respect it though....but now, I digress....

i had a fear when I started dating my girl that my friends would start calling me straight. and I didn't want that. b/c I'm NOT strait. not that I don't know some really cool straight people :) , it would just be weird and I don't want to have to think about re-defining myself after I've worked so hard to ACTUALLY define my self. I think that part of things is just hard to let go of. we get set ideas of who and what we are. and then the thought of changing that or being seen differently is just bothersome.

yes, you chose to stay. but that doesn't mean you don't NEED to stay and be with the person you love any less than Anna NEEDS to transition. (you do have final judgement on that part though) :)

these choices, these decisions, these actions in our lives. we choose to do them. we choose to allow ourselves to be attrected to the people we're drawn to. we choose to act on our feelings. we choose to be open about them. we choose to deal with the drama and the crap that comes with being unique. those are all choices. that act of choosing doesn't mean we don't need them.

but it is a big decision. it is an important decision that you made. you are right. it is brave. and it is monumental. but I see it like this: the act of taking the journey ensures that it is never erased or forgotten. and even as some parts come to an end, the actual journey goes on forever.

for me, coming to terms with the fact that I love women was huge. and now it's common place to think about coming home to a woman and doing every day things with her. cooking. watching tv. playing cards. but just b/c I'm at a stopping point in transitioning my concepts of "wrong" or "acceptable" or "normal" or "healthy" doesn't mean I don't feel the effects of them every day. or periodically stop and think..."when did I get here?". and I find myself continuing that journey every day, even though the big part seems to be over.
it never goes away. and you'll never forget this.

sorry this got so long...I'll get off my soap box now...

Re: to some of it, I can relate

[prtyldy]

Wow, Im glad you got on the soapbox! =)

"the act of taking the journey ensures that it is never erased or forgotten"

Thank you especially for this part. I will try to keep that in mind.