Feeling more myself today
So obviously I was in a bit of a mood for my last two posts. I spent some time last night with a good girlfriend and reminded myself that I have a life outside of my relationship. If Adam and I stay together through a transformation I do hope I dont lose any friends... I would not expect any of my good friends to take issue, but sometimes you
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Thanks for the add... I'm going to go back through your LJ and comment on a few things, I think, which might mean this will be the *last* of my comments to be read, hehe.
Anyway, you and I are at a similar stage. I'll fill you in on my story.
I've been with my girlfriend, Alice, for about 2 years now. For the first year of our relationship, I thought of her as my boyfriend. She would sometimes wear skirts in the house, and I had no problem with that. In fact I bought her a corset for our first Valentine's day! I considered her a heterosexual male transvestite.
Then on the night of my 22nd birthday party, she confessed some of her real feelings. (Happy birthday to me! XD) It was very hard for her to open up, because she's spent over a decade trying to suppress those feelings. Over the next few days we discussed it a bit more, and she slowly revealed that she'd always felt that she was a girl, and wanted to take hormones, eventually get SRS. My take on this has always been simply: I love you. I want you to be happy. I love the person and I don't care whether the body is male or female.
Personally, I've always been attracted to "femininity" regardless of someone's physical sex, so it wasn't such a big deal for me. The fact that you are encouraging your partner is, unfortunately, strange... because supportive partners are so bloody rare >:( However, reading your above post and last comment to imago_01, I will try and give you some advice from my own experiences...
You're encouraging your partner to dress in women's clothes. That's great. He (it feels very odd to use 'he' for someone described as MtF, but I read your posts on pronouns and I'm not going to force my own opinions on you) probably appreciates it a lot, feeling like he doesn't have to hide things around you. But dressing up at home is a good idea - you can practice different clothing combinations, make up, movements and voice in a safe space with someone you know won't ridicule you. Obviously, I have no idea how "passable" your partner is. (My girlfriend is lucky in that she has a slight build and a fairly feminine face, plus, being a goth, has had lots of practice with wearing make-up and already had long hair!) I also don't know how "tolerant" the area you live in is. But humans are, unfortunately, very good at homing in on "difference." Even if no one says anything, the staring can induce paranoia. A BIIIIG part of passing is self-confidence, and if Adam can develop that confidence in his own time, he'll be much better equipped when/if he starts presenting as female full-time.
One of the ways I showed my acceptance and encouragement to my girlfriend was helping her get a new wardrobe and suggesting various things to femininse her appearance. Like, I got an eyebrow waxing kit for her, and silicone "chicken fillets" to go in the bras I bought her. We went make-up shopping together, and I explained the complex differences between tights, stockings and hold-ups. I would come home from work with little presents, like a lipstick or a skirt I thought she'd like. And so on ^_^ Little things like that can speak volumes, in a subtle way.
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I also feel honoured that she felt comfortable enough with me to open up. Since she came out, our relationship has only grown stronger, because it's clear that we trust each other, and the communication has greatly improved. In the past, she would get upset for "no reason" and refuse to talk to me about it, because she couldn't tell me she was depressed because her voice was too deep, or because she hated what she saw in the mirror, or because her penis kept reminding her that it was there at unwanted moments. Now she can tell me when these things are upsetting her, and I can comfort her and help her deal with it.
Unfortunately, some people do lose friends because they or their partner are transitioning. I hope it doesn't happen to you, because it sucks. But some people can't reconcile personal discomfort, or religious beliefs, with their friends' experiences. Again, I've been lucky because I've had nothing but good wishes from my friends. Our families have been pretty supportive too, but that's for another time, I think, because this comment is long enough as it is...!
I hope you found something useful in all that!
*hugs*
~Peff
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