On the kindess of fandoms, words, writers, and the fear of being heard
Maybe I should be doing some proper writing right now, but instead I’m going to say this:
Very, very occasionally I will receive a comment (eloquent, beautiful, beyond any realm of praise I ever expected to receive or endeavored to deserve) and I find myself afraid to respond, because how could I ever live up to such standards? I usually say something like, “I am flattered beyond words,” because I am, or, “thank you, it’s feedback like this that makes a writer’s labor worth every second” because it is. But there is something else that I would like to say overall.
Over the course of a few years on the inside of various fandoms, I’ve found that an overwhelming amount of support and kindness exists. And I’ve also found that the most insightful, the most endearing feedback comes, almost universally, with a disclaimer. Usually something along the lines of:
“I hope you don’t mind me saying,”
“Pardon my interruption,”
“I hope this isn’t too annoying but I just wanted to say,”
and so on. And it’s always these comments, the timid ones, that seem almost embarrassed or nervous to be speaking at all, that are the ones that really go to my heart. They’re always thoughtful. Always kind. And, even when they have a disagreement, it’s always politely stated.
I just want to say to these sweet people, never mind the disclaimer. There seems to be a great number of intelligent and kind-hearted individuals floating around our fandoms that, for one reason or another, are just a little bit nervous about being heard. I want them to know that they have every right to their words. And they shouldn’t be embarrassed by them.
It might be our cultures derision for the “overly-emotional” or the “maudlin” that creates in people this reluctance to wax poetical about (or to) people. But, from one writer to an entire counter-culture (for so I view this vast community we’ve netted together) of writers, I think we can all agree that, in this community, there is never anything to be less embarrassed about than how a piece of writing makes you feel. Writer’s write to be heard, and to create emotions and share ideas. So if you feel you’ve heard, felt, and understood a writer, never be shy to say so. It validates everyone on both sides of a work. What’s more it validates all our efforts to communicate with like (or unlike) minds.
To put is more colloquially: We’re all a bunch of creative individuals with big, squishy, shy insides. And we all love to hear from other big, squishy, shy individuals.
It is some sort of a tragic phenomenon of the world that the people who want to say the things that most need to be heard, are often the people who feel they have no right to speak.
So I’m just taking thirty minutes to assure you: you have the right. Don’t be nervous about it. Even if it sounds overdone, or silly, even if itisoverdone or silly, it’s your idea, your feeling. Own it. Cuz it’s yours. And it’s worth something. And if you share it you’ll probably find it’s worth something to others too.
So here, finally, is a more appropriate response to those who have reached out and been so kind to me. And it is certainly maudlin, and it is absolutely silly, but it’s mine and it’s true:
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, my soul, my toes. Thank you. I am relieved, and ecstatic, and touched, to have been heard. And I have heard you and I want you to know how grateful I am.
Even if it is “only fanfiction”, it isn’t. I wrote it, and I slaved over it, and it’s got lots of pieces of me stuck inside it and the fact that you were touched by it is enough to make every struggle worth it. And more. And the fact that you have taken your own precious time to tell me what you feel? Means everything. And I think that, just for being you, you are awesome.
Thank you.