(no subject)
Well nothin' fancy here I guess. in my room about to go to bed but I guess I wanted to talk a little bit. Jessica already signed off so that conversation's over.
had an argument yesterday and i was told to do society a favor and go kill myself. i guess some of the shit hit me a little harder than i thought it would, went through 3 menthols in about 10 minutes and showed up shaky andjust...on the edge of insanity by the time i showed up. soon as i walked through the door Irene goes "AJ what's wrong?" i tried to play off and say "Nothing. I'm fine" but before I could even finish the statement i broke down crying. first time in...well, a while. months at least.
she offered some sympathy and encouragement. even heard i was a good looking guy and if i really tried i could get any girl i want. that kinda made me smile a little bit but i can't say i really believed it. probably the hardest hitting part was Bonnie, the hard-ass, work you til you die kinda manager complimented me saying i've been doing alot better since she got there and appreciates the effort i put in to helping out. she noticed something was wrong too and i told her what's gone on. got reminded of how everyone was there for me one way or another, and i always had friends and a place over there, even if the people are a little "eh".
apparently i had a MAJOR flaw in my swing, make that two. i wasn't transferring my weight properly, i finally completely understand why hitters stiffen their front leg when they swing, and my shoulder was flying open which limited the bat range. God damn i can't wait til my next at bat, i swear to God i'm gonna rip the shit out of the ball.
always took pride in not quitting things i do, but lately i'm wondering who am I kidding trying to pull this shit off? not really noticing much change from when i go to the gym, there's thousands if not millions of guys, shit if not BILLIONS of guys who want the same thing i do. part of me is started to say quit, it's done, it's not happening but the other part says keep trying.
feeling sick, went from non-smoker for months to 3 menthols in 10 minutes, and two more when i got done studying. this isn't who i am it makes me sick, the taste of smoke, the smell, everything. gotta get out of this shithole i'm in...can't wait til game day. pull a barry bonds and just let the batter's box be my sanctuary or something.
had an argument yesterday and i was told to do society a favor and go kill myself. i guess some of the shit hit me a little harder than i thought it would, went through 3 menthols in about 10 minutes and showed up shaky andjust...on the edge of insanity by the time i showed up. soon as i walked through the door Irene goes "AJ what's wrong?" i tried to play off and say "Nothing. I'm fine" but before I could even finish the statement i broke down crying. first time in...well, a while. months at least.
she offered some sympathy and encouragement. even heard i was a good looking guy and if i really tried i could get any girl i want. that kinda made me smile a little bit but i can't say i really believed it. probably the hardest hitting part was Bonnie, the hard-ass, work you til you die kinda manager complimented me saying i've been doing alot better since she got there and appreciates the effort i put in to helping out. she noticed something was wrong too and i told her what's gone on. got reminded of how everyone was there for me one way or another, and i always had friends and a place over there, even if the people are a little "eh".
apparently i had a MAJOR flaw in my swing, make that two. i wasn't transferring my weight properly, i finally completely understand why hitters stiffen their front leg when they swing, and my shoulder was flying open which limited the bat range. God damn i can't wait til my next at bat, i swear to God i'm gonna rip the shit out of the ball.
always took pride in not quitting things i do, but lately i'm wondering who am I kidding trying to pull this shit off? not really noticing much change from when i go to the gym, there's thousands if not millions of guys, shit if not BILLIONS of guys who want the same thing i do. part of me is started to say quit, it's done, it's not happening but the other part says keep trying.
feeling sick, went from non-smoker for months to 3 menthols in 10 minutes, and two more when i got done studying. this isn't who i am it makes me sick, the taste of smoke, the smell, everything. gotta get out of this shithole i'm in...can't wait til game day. pull a barry bonds and just let the batter's box be my sanctuary or something.