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so many times in my life i just get so lost in myself it is hard to even see out of my consious eyes and to see reality as it is. i get so caught up in what i feel is right, or what should be done, or the way it should be, that i forget that the wire of life we are so blindly walking across is already tearing through our flesh. we are already neck deep in filth, and i honestly dont know if there really is a way out any more. a conditioned sense of "faith" or hope tries to tell me that there is some way, but honestly what bit of a difference on the world will it make if I change my lifestyle and live a happy life away from western bullshit. the fact that no matter what good examples or ideas are layed before the rest of the world, everyone is so caught up in their trained meaningless commitment to a heartless machine, that they arent willing to give up the comfort of knowing that every day is going to be the same, that they know what to expect. every day i talk to more people, listening to their dreams and ideas and lives, finding that almost everyone is wearing a very thin candy shell of comfort and happiness covering up a thick and dark emptiness and paranoid, directionless uncertainty. it will take a mass extinction to right the terrible and disgusting selfishness and egotism of our polluted culture and frame of mind. i need to get out while i still can. every day i look at the door, just urging to walk out and never come back. every day my laziness prevails and i too succomb to my accepted apathy. why do we accept what we know is killing everything? why do we really have to believe that we are special? can you tell a mans blood from that of a sheep? i think not.