Chapter 49: In Which We Are WTF-ed.
A friend of a friend just called me and asked if he could take me out for a dinner tomorrow.
"For a dinner - like, as we were on a date?"
"Weeeeell... Would you find the idea absolutely disgusting?"
"You're a nice guy and everything, but my daughter just died, and..."
"I know. Please. I won't try anything. I just thought you might need to get out for a moment, you know."
After a while, I said yes. He is, indeed, a nice guy - and on top of that, he should be able to actually understand what is going on inside of me at the moment. His son died when he was but fifteen months old. (He was hit by a car, I have been told.) Of course, it is a completely different situation, but... still.
Besides, I need someone to take my mind off The Swede. And I am quite sure this guy is not after a relationship or anything. A one-night-stand at the most, if not even that. (God knows I am not in the mood for that, though. I gave birth less than a month ago, for heaven's sake!) It would be great, though, to have a buddy who could identify with what is going on within my head.
And yes, The Swede called me today, too. I think the phone calls are quite okay. He is worried about me - as I am about him -, and he is always very careful about what he says and such. Besides, I do miss him. Yes, I know you are reading this, and yes, I miss you. But that still does not change anything.
I took a little nap on the afternoon and dreamt that my sister was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking at me. And no, that was not a comforting and securing dream. Frankly, it scared the crap out of me. It was so bloody vivid - not from a third person point of view, as my dreams tend to be, but as if I had been awake and... You know. It was not fun. She did not seem too happy about me, either. Too realistic - because I know she would judge the things I have been up to.
The next time I go to my parents, I must go to her grave. I just have to.
"For a dinner - like, as we were on a date?"
"Weeeeell... Would you find the idea absolutely disgusting?"
"You're a nice guy and everything, but my daughter just died, and..."
"I know. Please. I won't try anything. I just thought you might need to get out for a moment, you know."
After a while, I said yes. He is, indeed, a nice guy - and on top of that, he should be able to actually understand what is going on inside of me at the moment. His son died when he was but fifteen months old. (He was hit by a car, I have been told.) Of course, it is a completely different situation, but... still.
Besides, I need someone to take my mind off The Swede. And I am quite sure this guy is not after a relationship or anything. A one-night-stand at the most, if not even that. (God knows I am not in the mood for that, though. I gave birth less than a month ago, for heaven's sake!) It would be great, though, to have a buddy who could identify with what is going on within my head.
And yes, The Swede called me today, too. I think the phone calls are quite okay. He is worried about me - as I am about him -, and he is always very careful about what he says and such. Besides, I do miss him. Yes, I know you are reading this, and yes, I miss you. But that still does not change anything.
I took a little nap on the afternoon and dreamt that my sister was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking at me. And no, that was not a comforting and securing dream. Frankly, it scared the crap out of me. It was so bloody vivid - not from a third person point of view, as my dreams tend to be, but as if I had been awake and... You know. It was not fun. She did not seem too happy about me, either. Too realistic - because I know she would judge the things I have been up to.
The next time I go to my parents, I must go to her grave. I just have to.