fuck it i dont want to count
hello.
it has been a long time. I am no good at this shit anymore, which i am not sure is necissarily a bad thing.
Anyway.. Well i thought my heart was broken, or something before. I was wrong, and deep inside at that point i am sure i knew i was just being dramatic, and was hoping it was something better than it was, but in reality i knew from the get go that it was a mistake. a thing that was never going to last, and just be a general pain in the ass (which is an understatement for how i really feel about the whole situation now)
NOW....
I don't even know anymore. I really don't care, I am not putting myself out there anymore really, because I am over looking for someone i can care about, and be cared for in return. I just have to let it go and realize its out of my hands. Roll with the punches so to speak. I'd like to say i fully embrace that but i would definatly be lying if i did. I am sitting, waiting, hoping, wishing...you know all that bullshit because there is always somebody who crosses your path and shakes whatever deal you have going up. It is completely annoying but exciting. . . unless you are me, and you get your hopes up easily.... I try not to anymore. i put my hopes too high up and they come crashing and shattering down right before my feet leaving me sad and confused....I do it to myself EVERYTIME
now spewing of into randomness...
"Actions speak louder than words"
This phrase has always been said to me as a kid... and i was like yeah bullshit....but it's true so so true...You can express so much without saying a word, by a look you give someone, the way you breathe around them....or just the way you carry yourself around someone.... you can show someone more love than you can ever express through words, by touching someone or a look you can give them (ACTIONS)......words tend to get in the way sometime, words are messy, and sometimes are mistaken- or are said wrong, words can hurt and be twisted and manipulated into things they never were meant to be....but expressing yourself, body language- there is no mistaking that.....at all....
ahh anyway its late, i am rambling, hoping that by my mindless spewing of words i would make sense of all the confusion in my head, clear it out so to speak. But no such luck. I will sleep on it....
much love
lou
it has been a long time. I am no good at this shit anymore, which i am not sure is necissarily a bad thing.
Anyway.. Well i thought my heart was broken, or something before. I was wrong, and deep inside at that point i am sure i knew i was just being dramatic, and was hoping it was something better than it was, but in reality i knew from the get go that it was a mistake. a thing that was never going to last, and just be a general pain in the ass (which is an understatement for how i really feel about the whole situation now)
NOW....
I don't even know anymore. I really don't care, I am not putting myself out there anymore really, because I am over looking for someone i can care about, and be cared for in return. I just have to let it go and realize its out of my hands. Roll with the punches so to speak. I'd like to say i fully embrace that but i would definatly be lying if i did. I am sitting, waiting, hoping, wishing...you know all that bullshit because there is always somebody who crosses your path and shakes whatever deal you have going up. It is completely annoying but exciting. . . unless you are me, and you get your hopes up easily.... I try not to anymore. i put my hopes too high up and they come crashing and shattering down right before my feet leaving me sad and confused....I do it to myself EVERYTIME
now spewing of into randomness...
"Actions speak louder than words"
This phrase has always been said to me as a kid... and i was like yeah bullshit....but it's true so so true...You can express so much without saying a word, by a look you give someone, the way you breathe around them....or just the way you carry yourself around someone.... you can show someone more love than you can ever express through words, by touching someone or a look you can give them (ACTIONS)......words tend to get in the way sometime, words are messy, and sometimes are mistaken- or are said wrong, words can hurt and be twisted and manipulated into things they never were meant to be....but expressing yourself, body language- there is no mistaking that.....at all....
ahh anyway its late, i am rambling, hoping that by my mindless spewing of words i would make sense of all the confusion in my head, clear it out so to speak. But no such luck. I will sleep on it....
much love
lou