catch me if you can
6 months from now I leave for Zimbabwe. Still twitterpated and processing.
Composing a brief for Gates Sr. on the structural adjustment programs of the IMF. Goal: to influence Gates to take a position that may result in 40-60 countries climbing out of poverty.
Feeling precious and hopeful. Gunter breathing soundfully on my lap. Not sure about leaving my boys behind.
Somewhere amidst the ambiguities and understandings of my relationships in Zimbabwe, I have been having fun with a boy. Everyone, knowing nothing, has called me on it. I've been referred to as a man lover and had to suck it up. It's good for me. Of course no one yet has compared to my mwanangu.
I spent the weekend in Petaluma with my mom's parents and my aunt and uncle. The anniversary of my papa's death, my nana had a fall from a virus, and my grandma's sister is back in the hospital following hip surgery with a gallbladder infection. Grandma and grandpa are doing great, minus their perceptions of how they're doing. I enjoyed all the storms.
I got a call at practicum yesterday from my Mom. I knew it was something big, as I tried not to answer it. Something with Tante Gaby? no, I knew that wasn't it, but along that scale..
Mom and Dad are getting divorced. "I feel less depressed than I ever have, like a weight has been lifted.." but the words did not match her affect. 35 years coming, I get all the distance, the projections of assurance, all that.
I can't fault her for the timing, but shit, I wonder how my grandparents will take it.
My Dad already started in, 'I don't want to say anything bad about your mother, you know your mother well enough.. I never wanted to do anything to hurt your mother, I'm glad I wasn't the one.' As if 35 years of a loveless marriage is not pain.
I let go a little bit with my dad about how this news brought to a head all the bullshit about norms of privacy and what we wear in public and what we do for the kids, 'because it is right,' because it is the mother fucking rational thing to do. He had manipulated truths about my mother wanting to break up when we were young, and who knows if he would have been so impatient and angry if she had, if she'd be so neurotic. At once I saw his fucking self-righteousness being the one who had kept the family together for the children /successfully controlling the situation/ as if anything that mattered could be controlled and my mom uncontrollable a victim of his colonization made to feel like an inadequate mother in her home. Fuck my dad for convincing us all, for contributing, that my mother is a fucking lousy mother. he is dad of the year.
I sang last night.
Back at the SSW this morning, Margaret and Gunnar and all those bureaucrats are talking about my not graduating if I don't take 506. Oh, and I refered to Margaret as a woman of color and that's not cool. Apparently she doesn't see herself as a black woman. Feeling a bit cynical.
If you haven't looked at the Bush administrations proposed budget cuts, you might want to brew some catnip before you pick up the report. Assuming you'll still be pissed, let me know if you want to do something about it. An inspiring coalition is on the up.
Off to celebrate Charu's birthday and then hang with the Thursday crew.
I'm planning east in a couple weeks. Kweerious and sis let's meet up.
Composing a brief for Gates Sr. on the structural adjustment programs of the IMF. Goal: to influence Gates to take a position that may result in 40-60 countries climbing out of poverty.
Feeling precious and hopeful. Gunter breathing soundfully on my lap. Not sure about leaving my boys behind.
Somewhere amidst the ambiguities and understandings of my relationships in Zimbabwe, I have been having fun with a boy. Everyone, knowing nothing, has called me on it. I've been referred to as a man lover and had to suck it up. It's good for me. Of course no one yet has compared to my mwanangu.
I spent the weekend in Petaluma with my mom's parents and my aunt and uncle. The anniversary of my papa's death, my nana had a fall from a virus, and my grandma's sister is back in the hospital following hip surgery with a gallbladder infection. Grandma and grandpa are doing great, minus their perceptions of how they're doing. I enjoyed all the storms.
I got a call at practicum yesterday from my Mom. I knew it was something big, as I tried not to answer it. Something with Tante Gaby? no, I knew that wasn't it, but along that scale..
Mom and Dad are getting divorced. "I feel less depressed than I ever have, like a weight has been lifted.." but the words did not match her affect. 35 years coming, I get all the distance, the projections of assurance, all that.
I can't fault her for the timing, but shit, I wonder how my grandparents will take it.
My Dad already started in, 'I don't want to say anything bad about your mother, you know your mother well enough.. I never wanted to do anything to hurt your mother, I'm glad I wasn't the one.' As if 35 years of a loveless marriage is not pain.
I let go a little bit with my dad about how this news brought to a head all the bullshit about norms of privacy and what we wear in public and what we do for the kids, 'because it is right,' because it is the mother fucking rational thing to do. He had manipulated truths about my mother wanting to break up when we were young, and who knows if he would have been so impatient and angry if she had, if she'd be so neurotic. At once I saw his fucking self-righteousness being the one who had kept the family together for the children /successfully controlling the situation/ as if anything that mattered could be controlled and my mom uncontrollable a victim of his colonization made to feel like an inadequate mother in her home. Fuck my dad for convincing us all, for contributing, that my mother is a fucking lousy mother. he is dad of the year.
I sang last night.
Back at the SSW this morning, Margaret and Gunnar and all those bureaucrats are talking about my not graduating if I don't take 506. Oh, and I refered to Margaret as a woman of color and that's not cool. Apparently she doesn't see herself as a black woman. Feeling a bit cynical.
If you haven't looked at the Bush administrations proposed budget cuts, you might want to brew some catnip before you pick up the report. Assuming you'll still be pissed, let me know if you want to do something about it. An inspiring coalition is on the up.
Off to celebrate Charu's birthday and then hang with the Thursday crew.
I'm planning east in a couple weeks. Kweerious and sis let's meet up.