Let's Play Fate/Stay Night
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Fate Chapter 3: Girls Can't Fight, Saber
Welcome back! When we last left Shirou, he was busy getting stabbed in the heart.
Let's see how that's working out for him!
Not well.
Shirou manages a pretty good job at inner monologuing without a functioning heart. Surely this means he's doomed and nobdy will come save him.
Unless, that is, you were paying attention during the prologue, when we were on the other side of this scene.
Super healing magic GO!
Looks like we're good! Death averted.
For now.
Shirou's reaction to reviving from having been almost stabbed?
GET THE MOP
Yes, Shirou.
Yes you are.
Once we're done cleaning up the evidence of our own murder, it's off we go! Might as well stumble on home.
Surely this will be the end of our troubles at the hands of horrible magic men!
Shirou takes some time to ponder WTF, when he is interrupted by an alarm triggering due to someone tresspassing on his property!
Yeah this is about expected. Lancer's back in town, and he's pretty intent on giving an encore of his hit play, Stabbin' Dudes in the Heart.
What'll we do? WE'LL STAND AND FIGHT
SHIROU IS A MAN WHO DOESN'T BACK DOWN OR LOSE
LET'S DO THIS SHIT
Our weapon: An +1 Rolled Up Poster! That should help a li
OH JESUS HANG ON
OH GOD OH GOD OH G
FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Well, it was nice of Rin to give me a second shot at life, but it looks like it wasn't very long.
The End...
LIKE HELL
Super Deus Ex Machina Powers Activate!
What's this?!
SHIROU IS IN THE GAME
PLACE YOUR BETS, EVERYONE
I WOULDN'T PUT TOO MUCH MONEY ON THE KID
Anyway, the smart answer to this question, given the circumstances, would be "yes, now go deal with that blue guy please." Unfortunately, Shirou's carefully measured response is to stare awkwardly. Fortunately, Saber seems to get the idea!
> STRIFE!
It's time to stop losing now! Off we go to instead totally kick Lancer's ass.
Saber's weapon, apparently, is an invisible sword. This will become relevant! Right now, it just makes things even harder for poor Lancer, who can't easily tell what Saber's range is.
Lancer's in a corner already! I think we got this under contr
Aw, shit, this again.
This time, we get to actually see it!
It's a low strike, easily dodged--
--that changes direction! Can lances do that? THIS ONE CAN
Gae Bolg's power is to reverse causality. In other words, it starts with the end result of "bitch get stabbed" and then shapes time and reality around it to justify the achievement of that end result. LOADED ATTACK DICE.
Lancer's natural 20 is supposed to be an instakill hit, but Saber survives, BECAUSE SHE IS SABER and has like a million HP.
Incidentally, if you're big on your mythology, you should be able to figure out who Lancer is now!
Either way, it looks like Lancer's leaving for now, on account of we can't have someone get taken down this early in the game when there's only seven combatants. Saber doesn't care much for your proper plot construction bullshit, and heads onward!
Or tries to. Which brings is to a major point of Shirou's dumbshittery:
GIRLS CAN'T FIGHT, SABER
Loser.
Focus, Shirou! Don't be a dick!
Fortunately, for the sake of expediency, Saber seems to be picking up on the fact that her Master has NO IDEA what the fuck.
Speaking of Master!
Command Spell!
As I think I mentioned before, it's got three uses, to give a power boost and absolute order to a Servant. Once lost, they cannot be restored.
COMMAND SPELLS LEFT: ***
What!
Right, Masters are supposed to be powerful Magi. I'm just a dicky loser. Fortunately, she regenerated enough to take on the two enemies outside without me.
...wait, what?
Shirou won't stand for this "killing his enemies" bullshit! It's time to ARGUE WITH OUR WORDS.
GIRLS CAN'T FIGHT, SABER
Amazingly, Saber eventually yields to Shirou's ironclad reasoning power.
Uh.
H-Hi?
TO BE CONTINUED
<< | ^^ | >>
Fate Chapter 3: Girls Can't Fight, Saber
Welcome back! When we last left Shirou, he was busy getting stabbed in the heart.
Let's see how that's working out for him!
Not well.
Shirou manages a pretty good job at inner monologuing without a functioning heart. Surely this means he's doomed and nobdy will come save him.
Unless, that is, you were paying attention during the prologue, when we were on the other side of this scene.
Super healing magic GO!
Looks like we're good! Death averted.
For now.
Shirou's reaction to reviving from having been almost stabbed?
GET THE MOP
Yes, Shirou.
Yes you are.
Once we're done cleaning up the evidence of our own murder, it's off we go! Might as well stumble on home.
Surely this will be the end of our troubles at the hands of horrible magic men!
Shirou takes some time to ponder WTF, when he is interrupted by an alarm triggering due to someone tresspassing on his property!
Yeah this is about expected. Lancer's back in town, and he's pretty intent on giving an encore of his hit play, Stabbin' Dudes in the Heart.
What'll we do? WE'LL STAND AND FIGHT
SHIROU IS A MAN WHO DOESN'T BACK DOWN OR LOSE
LET'S DO THIS SHIT
Our weapon: An +1 Rolled Up Poster! That should help a li
OH JESUS HANG ON
OH GOD OH GOD OH G
FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Well, it was nice of Rin to give me a second shot at life, but it looks like it wasn't very long.
The End...
LIKE HELL
Super Deus Ex Machina Powers Activate!
What's this?!
SHIROU IS IN THE GAME
PLACE YOUR BETS, EVERYONE
I WOULDN'T PUT TOO MUCH MONEY ON THE KID
Anyway, the smart answer to this question, given the circumstances, would be "yes, now go deal with that blue guy please." Unfortunately, Shirou's carefully measured response is to stare awkwardly. Fortunately, Saber seems to get the idea!
> STRIFE!
It's time to stop losing now! Off we go to instead totally kick Lancer's ass.
Saber's weapon, apparently, is an invisible sword. This will become relevant! Right now, it just makes things even harder for poor Lancer, who can't easily tell what Saber's range is.
Lancer's in a corner already! I think we got this under contr
Aw, shit, this again.
This time, we get to actually see it!
It's a low strike, easily dodged--
--that changes direction! Can lances do that? THIS ONE CAN
Gae Bolg's power is to reverse causality. In other words, it starts with the end result of "bitch get stabbed" and then shapes time and reality around it to justify the achievement of that end result. LOADED ATTACK DICE.
Lancer's natural 20 is supposed to be an instakill hit, but Saber survives, BECAUSE SHE IS SABER and has like a million HP.
Incidentally, if you're big on your mythology, you should be able to figure out who Lancer is now!
Either way, it looks like Lancer's leaving for now, on account of we can't have someone get taken down this early in the game when there's only seven combatants. Saber doesn't care much for your proper plot construction bullshit, and heads onward!
Or tries to. Which brings is to a major point of Shirou's dumbshittery:
GIRLS CAN'T FIGHT, SABER
Loser.
Focus, Shirou! Don't be a dick!
Fortunately, for the sake of expediency, Saber seems to be picking up on the fact that her Master has NO IDEA what the fuck.
Speaking of Master!
Command Spell!
As I think I mentioned before, it's got three uses, to give a power boost and absolute order to a Servant. Once lost, they cannot be restored.
COMMAND SPELLS LEFT: ***
What!
Right, Masters are supposed to be powerful Magi. I'm just a dicky loser. Fortunately, she regenerated enough to take on the two enemies outside without me.
...wait, what?
Shirou won't stand for this "killing his enemies" bullshit! It's time to ARGUE WITH OUR WORDS.
GIRLS CAN'T FIGHT, SABER
Amazingly, Saber eventually yields to Shirou's ironclad reasoning power.
Uh.
H-Hi?
TO BE CONTINUED
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