Re: just things

[pro1]

I whish sumtimes that i could turn back the clock and changed what i said or did. For sum reason its like i just cant win. I love my friends so much thier my life. I had two sheets of paper filled with friends numbers on it cause my old cell phone couldent hold anymore. Me and seth didnt matter what day or time would always just get together and call up anyone who could come and have a bbq or watch moveis or pool partys or go play hide and seek in an intire neaghborhood. that was are way of having fun it was are life. but one month ago my mother because i wanted my real father to be apart of someing in my life told my not to come back or to ever speak to her again...... i never got to tell my sister who i had a very close relationship or any of my other brothers or sisters good buy. i never got to tell my best friend seth good by or give a last hug or kiss. i stayed with my mom for eighteen years while my step father abused me and bilitlled my mother and said horrible things behind her back and my father and family here begged me to stay here cause they knew how bad it was but i said no cause i needed to be there for my mother to support her and make sure someone helped with the kids.Im not a bad kid i dont go and get drunk i dont get intro trouble with the law or do drugs (not saying anyone who has or does those things are bad but in my mothers eyes) and i stayed there for her. then i want my father to be apart of somthing and she tells me that she doesnt want me to come home and to never talk to her again i let my stepfather abuse me so that i could be there for her and she leaves me . i lived out of a suitcase for a month because i had nothing exept for cait.cait cait cait cait she is all that i have left that hasent been ripped away from me yet and after this its like my intire life is cluched with fear because now i know that nothing is for certian and nothing is what you think it is and no matter how hard i fight for somthing that i love it gets takin away from me and now it feel like im just waiting for caitlin to be takin away from me and that i should never be able to know what love feels like. I JUST WANT TO LOVE CAIT AND GIVE HER EVERYTHING I HAVE AND TO CHERISH HER AND BE THERE FOR HER. WHEN I KISS HER THATS NOT JUST A KISS THAT IS EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE LEFT IN ME TO GIVE I HAVE NOTHING LEFT INSIDE IT FEELS LIKE THIS HAS TAKIN A DRILL TO MY SOUL AND RIPPED OUT MY HEART AND IM AFRAID TO LOVE HER BECAUSE JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE IM AFRAID THAT IM GOING TO LOOSE HER AND I JUST NEED TO BE HAPPY WITH THE TIME I HAVE LEFT. and i pray to the lord to tell me now so that i dont have to suffer anymore. cait allyou ever did was love me and i thank you for that i love you so much i need you now more than ever and the rest of my friends and i dont usually talk about this stuff but i dont know how much more i can take cait i need to spend some time with you it helps my heart so if anyone is running erands or just wants to hang out grab me because i feel like im falling and i need somone to catch me like caitlin has...................

love you guys
BUBBA
PS. im going to texas and dont know when ill get back im going to see seth i really need his help thank you hor being my friends the lord will bles you always and i pray for you nightly