...last year's wishes are this year's apologies...
i look around at everyone i know
and i just think to myself
they all look so happy.
i just want to feel that,
i only want to know what that happiness feels like,
because honestly, i don't know if i've been good enough
for that kind of happiness,
that kind of love.
it's special, it has to be.
a love like that has to be special.
it has to be something you can't buy or feel without any extras
it's just you and that person and everything is perfect.
journal.
you might be the only one who actually understands me.
or in that case, really actually knows me.
KNOWS. me. truly me.
knows my ups and my downs.
i've had a lot of good days.
on some days, i think of j.
most days, he's just another guy.
m's a little different.
he's a little bit of a more difficult situation here.
because he's still one of my best friends,
but his girlfriend's a cunt. and i'm pretty sure she hates me.
but i don't know why that would matter right now.
it really doesn't. now or ever.
because it won't work out, she'll get bored....or he'll get bored.
or maybe i'm just an idiot.
because what do i know about love?
cause i'm not good enough.
never been good enough.
never have been, probably never will be.
that's why he doesn't want me.
that's why i can't be good enough.
because i'm waiting.
just waiting for someone who isn't coming.
and it's weird talking to him about relationships.
especially when i just want to be like "it's me you want."
i don't even care about the distance.
ok maybe i do, and i know it wouldn't work.
whatever. i can dream.
plus, there's always him here.
him here. haha. that's funny.
but he's awesome. and we've heard me ramble on for like ever about him, so i'll just stop.
i need to go to walmart again. to get felt. how lame is that?
i guess i need to draw the things before i buy the damn felt, so i know what to get.
i'll do that tomorrow during physics.
i should go to bed.
but i'm not really that tired. i do need to pee though.
i need to read.
i guess i can read tomorrow....and i'll be done by like next friday, just in time for finals.
nice.