Commitments and Reactions (Part ii/ii)
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Never in Byun Baekhyun’s wildest dreams has he ever thought of becoming the person he is now. When he was younger, his dreams and ambitions of being a soccer player was always supported by a certain someone, but now that said someone is gone, he finds all of his positivity drained off and sucked into a vacuum of nothingness. As though, the loss of his Sun hadn’t wounded him enough that the sudden passing of his mother had to happen. He knows exactly how badly he was affected, and Chanyeol was the first to point it out amongst the rest.
When he lies on the bed with Chanyeol in the morning, Baekhyun contemplates about things. A lot of things, actually. He wonders why nobody sees Chanyeol the way Baekhyun does, and he wonders how the taller male is willing to be stuck in this shithole with him. They’ve both pretty much agreed on being there for each other, even if the entire universe is against them.
“Baek?” Chanyeol’s smooth, baritone voice rings out from behind.
“Y-Yeah?”
“You’ve been spacing out for a while, is there something wrong?”
And Baekhyun finds himself out of words for once in front of Chanyeol. He doesn’t even know if there’s something wrong in particular, but he does take note of how the image of Kyungsoo struggling in his arms refuses to leave his mind. He must have hit his own low yesterday, and Baekhyun honestly wishes that he hadn’t done it. No matter, he couldn’t be possibly telling Chanyeol that he’d tried something so despicable - thus, he opts for lying.
“No, nothing.” Baekhyun shakes his head briefly and changes the channel on the television.
A presence looms over him from the back, and he breaks out into a smile, tilting his head to the side as Chanyeol slings an arm around his neck. It’s only a quick peck on his cheek, but it sends Baekhyun’s heart soaring just like when they were eighteen.
As if nothing has changed.
“You’re really bad at lying, honey bee. But if that’s what you want, to keep it a secret, I respect your decision.”
Baekhyun frowns a little before he nods and returns the chaste kiss on Chanyeol’s lips. Of course, nothing ever ends innocent for either of them, and it’s soon before Chanyeol’s taking Baekhyun with the latter bent over the couch. Everything about Chanyeol is perfect in Baekhyun’s eyes, even when he doesn’t really get to see much while they’re getting intimate. From the husky grunts to the fluttering touches, Baekhyun loves it all.
Chanyeol is aggressive this time, a hand lifting Baekhyun’s left leg up while he’s shoving his cock up the latter. He pistons in with the precision he has grown to familiarise with in the years he’s been with Baekhyun, and he knows exactly how it screws about with the other’s sanity. Lowering his head and latching his teeth onto Baekhyun’s nape, Chanyeol sinks them into the tender flesh particularly harshly, getting a loud yelp and a slap on his forearm in return.
“I’m going to eat you up,” he mumbles breathily, lapping on the bite mark. “I’m going to keep you all for myself.”
“All mine.”
-
The ride back to Kyungsoo’s apartment is a lot noisier than the latter had expected. He still doesn’t rule out the possibility of Jongin trying to make him feel better, but at the very least, it’s working. Kyungsoo no longer feels inadequate or nervous around him; maybe it’s because he has shared his life story with the other.
Jongin talks about how repetitive his daily life is, and even though he doesn’t share much about his job, he does mention about this patient who keeps trying to hit on him. ‘Much like what you’re trying to do now?’ Kyungsoo bemoans, rolling his eyes.
“No! The difference is that it’s not reciprocated!” Jongin wails, feet stepping on the brake pedal at an upcoming traffic light.
Kyungsoo’s eyes twitches.
“And what makes you think that this is reciprocated?”
Looking over, Jongin pulls out a shit-eating grin and scrunches up his nose. “I never said this is reciprocated. I meant that is reciprocated, but this isn’t.”
“Keep your stupid eyes on the stupid road, you jerk!” Kyungsoo yells and opts to cross his arms over his chest.
To be honest, he likes the attention he’s getting from Jongin -- it makes him feel as though he matters even if it’s just for an hour or two. There are always things that are left unsaid between people, and for Kyungsoo, it’s the idea of telling Jongin that he likes the brief time they’re spending together which shouldn’t be told. Deep down, Kyungsoo knows that this could probably go somewhere if he’s willing to open up his heart but then again, he owes Baekhyun too much. He’s on this threshold of letting it all go, yet the thought of having to leave this lifestyle scares Kyungsoo.
If he does leave, where should he go?
To leave means to put down his heart.
... Kyungsoo’s not ready for that.
A gentle nudge to his arm pulls him out of his thoughts, with Kyungsoo realising that they’re parked right in front of the apartment building. He glances back at Jongin, and then at the block once again before unbuckling his seatbelt slowly. The hesitant smile on his lips must have shown a lot, because Jongin is taking Kyungsoo’s right hand and lifting it up to press a quick peck on the back of it. The latter gasps, pulling his hand back hastily but Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the flash of hurt in the taller male’s eyes.
“You should be getting going, it’s been a long day for you.”
“Yeah.”
Without another word, Kyungsoo opens the car door and climbs out of it. Maybe he’s still nervous after all when he slams the door a little too hard and flinches himself. Jongin bends slightly to come into view from the window, mouthing a ‘goodnight’ and signals with his hand for Kyungsoo to call him. Sliding a hand into his pocket, Kyungsoo’s fingers brushes against the piece of paper Jongin had passed him earlier on back at the office and he chuckles to himself. It’s weird; having someone or something to look forward to feels weird in a good way.
Pulling out his wallet from the pocket of his jeans, Kyungsoo is reminded of how he has to search up a list of flower meanings. He sighs and tugs out his set of keys; the jangling of metal disrupting the silence amidst the air. It’s a familiar feeling -- returning back to a house that he has no affection for, but the only difference is how he no longer has an empty heart.
It’s almost déjà vu when the door opens to a brightly lit living room and the television switched on. Kyungsoo has half a mind to turn back, to walk right out of the door and perhaps phone for Jongin again. There’s a pair of shoes neatly placed beside the cabinet, telling the male that only Baekhyun’s in. He takes another step in and that’s all he needs to know that he’s in trouble.
Baekhyun’s standing right by the balcony with his front facing Kyungsoo, a lopsided smirk carefully placed on the left side of his lips whilst stepping forward.
“Found another rich guy?” Baekhyun utters out, tone lacing with repulsion. “His car is pretty decent.”
With his lips parted, all Kyungsoo could do is to slowly shake his head in denial and disbelief -- this isn’t what he wants. He’s taking backward steps but Baekhyun’s stepping up, a hand reaching out for Kyungsoo’s arm before the younger is even able to react. All Kyungsoo is able to do is to be a puppet under those harsh grips and wish for the neighbours to not call the police.
“Putting out for others, huh? Fucking around is all you can fucking do, huh? You like being treated like the fucking slut you are, huh?”
And Kyungsoo snaps.
“Would you rather someone who can stick his dick up your ass? Because I can do that too!” Kyungsoo doesn’t realise that he’s yelling back, pushing the other set of arms away. He doesn’t realise that it has been ages since he has gotten this mad till he registers himself shoving Baekhyun into a wall, heel of his palm digging into the latter’s collar.
“Why won’t you treat me a little more like how we used to be? Best fri--“
“Don’t you fucking dare to say those words!” Baekhyun rages, raising his hands to settle a vice grip on Kyungsoo’s wrist. “We stopped being friends the moment you made your choice to leave. Do you know, how stupid and fucked over I felt when you left? It was as though you’d taken all my trust and love and respect for you and fed them to the cat.”
Somewhere in between Baekhyun’s words, Kyungsoo finds the energy and will to fight all zapped away.
“I--“ Baekhyun closes his eyes briefly and lets out a sniffle.
“I kept waiting for you to appear. I kept waiting, even when my dad told me you were never returning. Even when your mother said that you were too busy to visit. Even when my mom fell sick and I stayed by her bedside, I would wonder if you’d appear today. My only friend. I wanted to die when my mother left. There was nobody else for me to return to -- I wanted to die so badly.
“Where were you, Kyungsoo?”
“My only love...”
Everything Baekhyun says is so raw to Kyungsoo’s ears, burning him inside out and leaving nothing but cinders of his regret. How long has it been since he has heard Baekhyun mentioning the word ‘love’? Maybe six years, or seven. Perhaps even never. Baekhyun says that he doesn’t believe in the big ‘L’ word, ‘and no, I’m not talking about lesbians’. Loosening his hands around the other’s collar, Kyungsoo lets the back of his fingers gently brush along Baekhyun’s jaw. The fact that he isn’t getting any resistance but the fall of a few tears pushes him forward, and he cups a side of the slightly taller male’s face.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo whispers, “I’m so so so sorry, Baekhyun. I really didn’t mean to do it.”
Baekhyun scoffs, but there’s not much venom considering that he has a face full of tears and a mouth full of love stories.
“Byun... Baek.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Byunbaek.”
“I said--“ Baekhyun is ready for another round of quarrelling but nothing else seems to be escaping from him when he looks into Kyungsoo’s eyes.
There’s so much grace and benevolence even for a human, and Do Kyungsoo is the epitome of Godsend.
“Shut up...”
And every word Byun Baekhyun has planned in his mind fizzles away as Do Kyungsoo pulls his face closer, warm and soft lips meeting his own. A force so strong it impels him forward to wrap both his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist harshly, returning the kiss and chasing all the innocence away.
It’s no longer 2005; Baekhyun’s no longer that seventeen year old he’d used to be as he pushes his tongue in between Kyungsoo’s lips, and he knows the latter wants this just as bad from the desperate clutches on his shirt. It’s nothing like the first time they had gotten intimate -- shy touches and more timid gestures -- but no, this is rushed, this is desperate and this is what they both want after years of yearning.
Baekhyun pulls away from the kiss, opting to pepper pecks along Kyungsoo’s chin and down to his neck, while the smaller male tilts his head up to bare more skin. There are whispers that goes unnoticed with each heated second and it takes approximately eighteen seconds before Baekhyun’s pushing Kyungsoo away, only to tug him into their room.
Kyungsoo’s gasping for air, the lump in his throat only getting bigger with each passing second of silence. All he knows is the way Baekhyun manhandles him, pushing and grabbing and pulling, and it excites him so badly to know he’s addicted to such behaviour. He doesn’t even remember when his shirt has been unbuttoned, and then he’s thrown onto the bed, eyes staying on his namesake husband while Baekhyun starts tugging down the waistband of his sweatpants.
Digging his elbows onto the mattress, Kyungsoo sits up by the edge of the bed and reaches a hand up when Baekhyun’s standing before him, dick limp and out. It has been so long since Kyungsoo has touched a man this way (himself aside) and it amuses him to see someone else’s cock up close in this manner. He definitely finds it interesting when Baekhyun lets out a soft sigh, threading his fingers into Kyungsoo’s hair when the latter wraps bony fingers around the mid-length of his penis, gently rubbing down to the base and darts his tongue out, lapping at the slit. As Kyungsoo goes on to encase the head of Baekhyun’s cock with his lips, he glances up slightly, still trying to grasp on the reality of how arousing it is to see the other being pleasured and knowing that he’s the one doing it.
Not Chanyeol.
Touching a dick is one thing, but seeing Baekhyun’s penis hardening under his ministrations and feeling the bulging veins on his fingertips is another. Kyungsoo gives long strokes, lips pulling away to let the tip of his tongue play with the underside of Baekhyun’s cock while bringing his free hand higher, cupping his balls. He traces the entire length with his tongue, and even if it’s nothing compared to those porn actors (who can ever?), Kyungsoo likes it so much.
“Hurry.” Baekhyun’s voice is low and hoarse, mouth gaping with silent moans when Kyungsoo nods and takes his cock in.
Surprise takes over Kyungsoo when he realises how it’s heavy a penis actually is when he has one in his mouth, but Baekhyun doesn’t have a big dick and it’s rather perfect in size. Tightening his fist at the base of Baekhyun’s penis, Kyungsoo slowly bobs his head, allowing his lips to stretch along with the girth. Then again, it’s a smooth slide in and Kyungsoo is so painfully new at this that his teeth keeps grazing along the rubbery skin of Baekhyun’s cock, annoyingly fuelling his erection.
From Baekhyun’s angle, staring down immediately allows him to see the way Kyungsoo has his cheeks hollowed and the slurping intensifies every time the latter’s nose hits freshly, shaved skin. Giving Kyungsoo’s hair a hard tug to the back, Baekhyun hisses when teeth scrape along his cock harshly, letting warm lips and hot tongue slide away from him. He watches how the smaller male bites down on his own lip hesitantly before getting on his knees on the bed, a hand snaking along Baekhyun’s lower abdomen and up his clothed torso, settling a light clamp on the side of his neck.
Faces centimetres apart, all they share are heated whispers only meant for the both of them to hear.
“Fuck me,”
“I’ll fuck you so hard you’d be able to feel me inside of you for a week.”
Kyungsoo chuckles. “Then make do your words, big boy, because I’ve been so very, very bad.”
Snickering, Baekhyun pushes Kyungsoo down onto the bed once again and utters a curt ‘take off your pants’ as he reaches into the nightstand, grabbing a bottle of half-finished lube and a silver packaged condom. It’s engaging to watch the way Kyungsoo shimmies out of his tight jeans and let out a squeamish squeal when Baekhyun reaches over to help him with it, hands grabbing onto the denim waistband and tugging them down along with his boxers. Kyungsoo’s still flaccid -- Baekhyun can’t help but be slightly disappointed with the lack of reaction, but it goes forgotten as soon as he’s getting on his knees on the floor and forcefully spreading Kyungsoo’s legs apart.
Baekhyun marvels at how untouched Kyungsoo seems to be; he’s squirming with Baekhyun’s warm breath breathing down on his cock and within seconds, the latter has his lips latching onto the underside of Kyungsoo’s balls, tongue poking at the younger’s perineum. Baekhyun catches the drawn out whimper of ‘fuck’ as he squeezes Kyungsoo’s inner thigh and flattens his tongue out on the rim of his anus. Placing the back of his hand against his mouth, Kyungsoo tries his hardest in keeping his voice down but it’s so fucking difficult when Baekhyun’s tongue is trying to touch places that it shouldn’t be. Both his legs are comfortably hung on the elder’s shoulder, heels digging into clothed back as fingers find their way to Kyungsoo’s cock.
The strokes Baekhyun gives are slow but strong -- he’s good at this, he knows exactly what Kyungsoo wants and he all but gives him a taste of what is to come. Rubbing Kyungsoo’s entrance with a finger, he spits at the tight ring of muscles and pushes it in, tilting his head higher to glimpse at the male’s reaction. Kyungsoo squirms at the discomfort, but he doesn’t utter a sound. It moves rather uncomfortably, jerking motions that makes him feel as though he’s in a bumper car ride -- yet all it takes is for Baekhyun to start pouring a substantial amount of lube onto Kyungsoo’s entrance, thick liquid leaking down in a stream from the bottle and down onto Baekhyun’s finger.
“Cold,” Kyungsoo moans out unconsciously, arching his back slightly as another finger slides into him smoothly. “Baek--“
Advancing with his actions, Baekhyun continues rubbing his palm on Kyungsoo’s cock, easing away the obvious unease. Slowly pulling his fingers until they are almost out, he pushes them in till knuckle deep once again, repeating the motion whilst spreading further apart with every push-and-pull. Kyungsoo’s tight, and Baekhyun keeps the thought of marriage sanctity in his mind up till he notices a force driving itself down on his fingers.
It doesn’t hit him that Kyungsoo’s just as needy for this as he is, having to wait for years up to now. Baekhyun pushes the set of legs off his shoulders and retracts his fingers, full thighs almost convulsing in anticipation. Tearing open the condom package with his teeth, Baekhyun rolls the piece of rubber on his cock and slicks it up with the remaining lube on his hand. He stands between both succulent thighs and wraps an arm around the front of one, pulling Kyungsoo closer roughly until the length of penis is sliding along the crack of the latter’s ass.
The red tint of Kyungsoo’s cheeks goes unnoticed in the darkness and his chest heaves heavily. It’s weird knowing that he’s about to get a cock stuffed up his ass -- lest say it’s Baekhyun’s cock, and he giggles softly.
“What- You’re killing the vibe.” Baekhyun chides from between Kyungsoo’s legs, a hand on his own dick as he aligns it along with Kyungsoo’s entrance.
“Don’t you think it feels like you’re taking my virginity for the second time?”
Baekhyun rolls his eyes as a reply and sits his palm on Kyungsoo’s knee as he starts pushing the head of his penis in, the former drinking in the sight of a submitting Kyungsoo screwing his eyes shut tightly.
“Fuck--” Baekhyun hisses at the heat, “Soo-.”
Hooking his arms beneath Kyungsoo’s calves, he pushes the younger a little higher, hips shifting higher for an easier access. It starts off slow, with Baekhyun still trying to familiarise himself with every nook and cranny within Kyungsoo and he fits Baekhyun’s cock so perfectly it’s almost a waste to feel himself moving. His hips snaps against Kyungsoo’s ass, the younger writhing on the bed whilst trying to reach up for some sort of physical touch that transcends mere sexualisation of the situation.
Getting the hint, Baekhyun pushes Kyungsoo further up while he climbs onto the bed, leaning forward and pushing down on both of his arms to effectively pin Kyungsoo down as he fucks him hard into the mattress. It’s as though they were both bursting into flames when Baekhyun slams down into Kyungsoo’s ass, and the slapping it creates reverberates within dense air, sounding a lot more violent than how it’s supposed to be. Sliding his hands beneath Baekhyun’s shirt and wrapping his arms around his back, Kyungsoo digs his nails into flesh, leaving indents and welts as a form of both pain and territory marking but it’s fine because Baekhyun marks Kyungsoo with bruises and hickeys around his neck, littering them along his jugular and a rough bite mark on the latter’s collarbone.
“So good,” Kyungsoo moans aloud, feeling Baekhyun’s cock ramming deep into him. “Give it to me harder!”
And who is Baekhyun to disobey? Then again, Baekhyun is long gone and all that remains is Byunbaek.
He slows down his pace despite the whines from the smaller sized male, rocking his hips into him while giving the shell of his ear a tentative lick. “After all these years,” Baekhyun whispers, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist. “You’re still so fucking beautiful.”
It earns Baekhyun a gasp, Kyungsoo’s eyes staring right back at his as they kiss in a way they’ve never done before. Kyungsoo lets his eyelids fall ever so slightly and he pushes up to meet Baekhyun’s thrusts, seeking for his own high but the other only presses him down even harder. Neither of them speaks another word, both of them drunk on the need for their orgasms -- Baekhyun balls deep in; another minute before the chant of KyungsooKyungsooKyungsoo hangs on Baekhyun’s tongue and he’s coming into his condom with a face full of Kyungsoo’s sweat.
With his softening cock still buried in the other while a hand grips onto the base of Kyungsoo’s penis, Baekhyun gives lazy strokes until the latter is canting his hips up, a mouth full of curses before he spills onto his own abdomen. Pulling out and tugging off the piece of yellow rubber, Baekhyun ties it up and rolls over onto his side. It has been a while since he’s dominant during sex, other than the few times when Chanyeol allows him to.
But he doesn’t think of Chanyeol like the way he thinks of Kyungsoo, and he certainly doesn’t think of Chanyeol when he’s pulling Kyungsoo into his arms.
Baekhyun definitely doesn’t think of Chanyeol when he’s mumbling ‘I missed you so much, I loved you so much’ into Kyungsoo’s left ear.
No doubt Kyungsoo knows that what they have now is only temporary, he still cherishes it.
Even when the warmth of Jongin’s kiss still lingers on the back of his hand.
-
When Baekhyun wakes up to the pleasant surprise of Kyungsoo’s face, he finds his cheeks already feeling sore from smiling so much. Although foolish, he’s honestly mesmerised. For years, he has been aching to hold Kyungsoo this way and it’s funny how Chanyeol was the one who knocked the senses into him.
All it took was further probing and Baekhyun was crying into Chanyeol’s bare chest, spilling every single detail of the day before along with his conflicting feelings for Kyungsoo. He tells him how afraid he is because he’s so scared that he’s feeling somethingfor Kyungsoo again, and it’s not hate.
“I don’t want to, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun sobs out, completely discarding the fact that he’s being a douche. “I don’t want to feel anything for him.”
What else could Chanyeol do but to gently thread his long fingers through Baekhyun’s hair comfortingly, and whisper reassuringly that feeling something for Kyungsoo isn’t wrong, because after all, the latter used to be his everything. Or that Baekhyun has always felt something for Kyungsoo, it’s just that he refused to admit it.
It hit right into the core of his heart and Baekhyun winced at the despondence in his tone.
“You should talk to him when he’s back.”
“But the club--“
“Don’t worry, I’ll do such a good job nobody would even know you’re gone!” Chanyeol’s smile is one of heartbreak and aches.
From time to time, Baekhyun harps on the comment he had gotten back in senior high -- a fellow classmate had told him about how big of an asshole he could be. Now that he’s looking back at his every action, he realises how true that statement is. Baekhyun had taken Chanyeol in, locked him up for years and only to release him when he finds himself no longer needing a plaything. He should probably be apologising to the other when he gets a chance.
A sharp inhale of breath brings Baekhyun back to reality. Seeing Kyungsoo up close is one thing, and seeing Kyungsoo waking up, up close is another. Rosy hue carefully dusted on fair skin meeting perfectly curled lashes.
“Hello,” Kyungsoo seems to be in utter delight for a morning greeting. “Hello, hello, hello.” He repeats, giggling.
“Hello.” Baekhyun replies, pressing a peck on the bridge of Kyungsoo’s nose. “The view this morning is breathtakingly beautiful.”
The shy smile he gets in return tells Baekhyun that his actions may not be reversible, but he could work on redemption.
Even though life isn’t how he had planned out from the start, it’s always good to stick around just to see where it brings you by the end of the day.
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