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I just dont know if i can fucking handle this shit anymore. There is just too much stress and too many problems. Everything fucking hurts, mentally and physically. I dont know what to do about my future and i can't stop thinking about it. I am hours away from people who actually love me yet in returning to them i'll lose my independence. I will
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I felt the same way my last two years of school. I didn't even know if teaching music is what I wanted to do... Still don't, but the sort-of real paycheck is nice. So is not being in debt another three or whatever years of school.
Unfortunately, life isn't really set up so you can be happy. Education is expensive and if you change your mind or fuck up, there is hell to pay. Also, we're always expected to have "the time of our lives" now in our early twenties and to make "lasting friendships" bla bla bla. If you feel like your life isn't owing up to the expectations, that sucks. But you're not alone.
If people are shitty to you, cut the cord. Just be unavailable. Often. You don't even have to say anything or have a screaming match. Actually, if you do that, there is a bigger likelihood that you will be enemies and cause trouble every time you run into each other, OR that the other person will "promise to change", which is worse. After all, the promise-to-change-bit works for about two weeks and then the cycle starts over.
I was tempted to go home when things fell apart for me socially. But really, don't do that. You don't want to be the 29 year old college student. You had a plan, go with it for a while. If you hate it, live frugally for like two years and save up for night classes and whatever you need to change. Also, a job is a job. Even if you hate what you are doing, the environment (co workers etc.), independence, money, and the fact that you aren't a bum can really make up for it. Contrastingly, I love my job--but the situation sucks, everyone I work with is over 50, and I make no money. So sometimes I'm bitter. You will never truly LOVE your nine to five. If you did, it's called being a workaholic. Those people don't make for good wives/mothers/friends/citizens/philanthropists.
So yea, my two cents...
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