Issues Vol. 1
I am so tired of men with issues. After Sean's sudden disappearance and failure to show for Saturday's CAS Bash, I felt he more than owed me an explanation. So tonight it came. He still loves his wife and wants to raise his child with her. He wants to be my friend. He enjoys talking at great length with me. And a friendship would mean that he would have someone to talk to as he tries to "figure out who I am." So I am torn.
My initial reaction was one of "I ain't no consolation prize." I am not just going to wait as a friend in the background as a contingency in case things don't work out (again) with his wife. I told Candice when she pressured me to call him that I don't do recently out guys. It sounds trite and shallow but my list of don't dos is long and rock solid. I don't do bisexuals, drug addicts, men who aren't monogamous, recently out guys, and guys who don't believe in marriage. I just don't and this is why. The associated drama. And he claimed to hate drama, yet readily admitted that it always found him.
But a friendship between us would hardly be reciprocal. He wants me to be around to talk to. Someone to give advice and just listen when he is stressed. But I could never call him at 2 am when I'm completely depressed and about to lay into an entire cheesecake. He would have a wife and kids. That would be inconvenient and awkward for him.
I'm just amazed how last week, we were planning a romantic weekend. We talked for hours about it. We were going to go to the club and come back to the hotel with a bottle of champagne and some whipped cream and strawberries. Last week he sang to me over the phone. He would call me right before going to work just to say he's thinking about me and wants me to have a good day. This week, he's back to being a family man. He's still gay but wants to raise his children in this traditional life. It sounds like he hates/denies/is ashamed of himself. And if he can't love himself, how could he love me or anyone else?
I don't know what to do. I told him to call me Tuesday as we are both off. If he fails to call, that's all the sign I need. I think I know what I am going to do, but I want your input friends. Is it really a friendship? Can you settle for something much less and call it your good nature?
On a separate note, I work 9 am to midnight tomorrow. Which mean I am going to get no sleep again. I am a zombie, but I need the money. I spent way too much for a recent, much needed night out.
Oh and great news, I got my ServeSafe exam results back. I did nail it. 93%! Woot!
Your thoughts please friends,
Out in the Ozarks
My initial reaction was one of "I ain't no consolation prize." I am not just going to wait as a friend in the background as a contingency in case things don't work out (again) with his wife. I told Candice when she pressured me to call him that I don't do recently out guys. It sounds trite and shallow but my list of don't dos is long and rock solid. I don't do bisexuals, drug addicts, men who aren't monogamous, recently out guys, and guys who don't believe in marriage. I just don't and this is why. The associated drama. And he claimed to hate drama, yet readily admitted that it always found him.
But a friendship between us would hardly be reciprocal. He wants me to be around to talk to. Someone to give advice and just listen when he is stressed. But I could never call him at 2 am when I'm completely depressed and about to lay into an entire cheesecake. He would have a wife and kids. That would be inconvenient and awkward for him.
I'm just amazed how last week, we were planning a romantic weekend. We talked for hours about it. We were going to go to the club and come back to the hotel with a bottle of champagne and some whipped cream and strawberries. Last week he sang to me over the phone. He would call me right before going to work just to say he's thinking about me and wants me to have a good day. This week, he's back to being a family man. He's still gay but wants to raise his children in this traditional life. It sounds like he hates/denies/is ashamed of himself. And if he can't love himself, how could he love me or anyone else?
I don't know what to do. I told him to call me Tuesday as we are both off. If he fails to call, that's all the sign I need. I think I know what I am going to do, but I want your input friends. Is it really a friendship? Can you settle for something much less and call it your good nature?
On a separate note, I work 9 am to midnight tomorrow. Which mean I am going to get no sleep again. I am a zombie, but I need the money. I spent way too much for a recent, much needed night out.
Oh and great news, I got my ServeSafe exam results back. I did nail it. 93%! Woot!
Your thoughts please friends,
Out in the Ozarks