"Oh what I'd give to be held, kissed on the forehead, and told it'll all be alright"
I hate this place and myself right now.
I thought that this was going to be a place where I could fit in and start over but I guess I was wrong. I dont feel like I fit in and I dont feel ike I've really started over. Yes, in a way I started over in the bigest meaning of the word but I feel like I'm still my same old self. And I dont like it. I dont want to be a whore but I dont want to be stuck on someone who wants only one thing from me. Action. I want to be one of the group. To fit in. And to not feel so lonley.
I went camping with Amanda this weekend. It was awesome. We talked so much. About everything. She met Aaron. But that of course was because I had stayed in his room again and wasnt awake and ready when she came to pick me up. It was funny, straight out Amanda asked Aaron if he had a "title". And we both looked at eachother and then her and said no. I didnt quite know how to explain it to her. I've spent the last two nights with him and I like him, but yet were nothing. I dont know if he's looking to be anything or just to get some or even if I'm looking for us to be anything. He's ust really cool and I like him and I think it's because he makes me feel like someone cares. I'm comfertable with him and stuff. I dont know. I'm going to shut up now before I make myself sound even more dumb than I already have.
So this weekend was good and I hated leaving Amanda and her family. It didnt make it any better that I had to come back here.
I just wanna crawl up in a dark corner and cry till I cant cry anymore.
The best song in the world and the one that fits my mood right now.
Let Her Cry
She sits alone by a lamppost Trying to find a thought that's escaped her mind. She says dad's the one I love the most But Stipe's not far behind. She never lets me in Only tells me where she's been When she's had too much to drink I say that I don't care I just run my hands through her dark hair Then I pray to God you gotta Help me fly away And just let her cry If the tears fall down like rain Let her sing If it eases all her pain Let her go Let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow Let her be Let her be This morning I woke up alone Found a note standing by the phone Saying baby, maybe I'll be back someday I wanted to look for you You walked in I didn't know just what I should do So I sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry for myself Saying let her cry If the tears fall down like rain Let her sing If it eases all her pain Let her go Let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow Let her be Let her be Let her cry If the tears fall down like rain Let her sing If it eases all her pain Let her go Let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow Let her be Oh... Last night I tried to leave Cried so much I could not believe She was the same girl I fell in love with long ago She went in the back to get high I sat down on my couch and cried yellin' Oh momma, please help me Won't you hold my hand and... Let her cry If the tears fall down like rain Let her sing If it eases all her pain Let her go Let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow Let her be Let her cry If the tears fall down like rain Let her sing If it eases all her pain Let her go Let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow Let her be Oh, let her be.
I thought that this was going to be a place where I could fit in and start over but I guess I was wrong. I dont feel like I fit in and I dont feel ike I've really started over. Yes, in a way I started over in the bigest meaning of the word but I feel like I'm still my same old self. And I dont like it. I dont want to be a whore but I dont want to be stuck on someone who wants only one thing from me. Action. I want to be one of the group. To fit in. And to not feel so lonley.
I went camping with Amanda this weekend. It was awesome. We talked so much. About everything. She met Aaron. But that of course was because I had stayed in his room again and wasnt awake and ready when she came to pick me up. It was funny, straight out Amanda asked Aaron if he had a "title". And we both looked at eachother and then her and said no. I didnt quite know how to explain it to her. I've spent the last two nights with him and I like him, but yet were nothing. I dont know if he's looking to be anything or just to get some or even if I'm looking for us to be anything. He's ust really cool and I like him and I think it's because he makes me feel like someone cares. I'm comfertable with him and stuff. I dont know. I'm going to shut up now before I make myself sound even more dumb than I already have.
So this weekend was good and I hated leaving Amanda and her family. It didnt make it any better that I had to come back here.
I just wanna crawl up in a dark corner and cry till I cant cry anymore.
The best song in the world and the one that fits my mood right now.
Let Her Cry
She sits alone by a lamppost Trying to find a thought that's escaped her mind. She says dad's the one I love the most But Stipe's not far behind. She never lets me in Only tells me where she's been When she's had too much to drink I say that I don't care I just run my hands through her dark hair Then I pray to God you gotta Help me fly away And just let her cry If the tears fall down like rain Let her sing If it eases all her pain Let her go Let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow Let her be Let her be This morning I woke up alone Found a note standing by the phone Saying baby, maybe I'll be back someday I wanted to look for you You walked in I didn't know just what I should do So I sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry for myself Saying let her cry If the tears fall down like rain Let her sing If it eases all her pain Let her go Let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow Let her be Let her be Let her cry If the tears fall down like rain Let her sing If it eases all her pain Let her go Let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow Let her be Oh... Last night I tried to leave Cried so much I could not believe She was the same girl I fell in love with long ago She went in the back to get high I sat down on my couch and cried yellin' Oh momma, please help me Won't you hold my hand and... Let her cry If the tears fall down like rain Let her sing If it eases all her pain Let her go Let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow Let her be Let her cry If the tears fall down like rain Let her sing If it eases all her pain Let her go Let her walk right out on me And if the sun comes up tomorrow Let her be Oh, let her be.