Symmetry 4b: The Lines that Cross
Title: Symmetry 4b: The Lines that Cross
Author:princess72385
Pairings/Characters: Logan/Veronica, (mentions of: Veronica/Casey, Logan/OC, Keith/OC, Wallace/OC, Piz/OC, Mac/Dick)
Word Count: 9,602 (9,595 without lyrics)
Rating: NC-17 (for language and sex)
Summary: There are similarities to the past and now. History always repeats itself, whether we realize it or not and breaking the circle is always the most difficult part of it all.
Spoilers/Warnings: Everything to 3.17 (Debasement Tapes)
Future Fic
Disclaimer: None of it’s mine, and if it was it would all be going different right now. So don’t sue, because I have nothing and it’d be a waste of both our time. The Song is I’m Going to Stop Pretending I Didn’t Break Your Heart by Eels
A/N: The POV changes through out the story between Veronica’s POV and Logan’s POV.
A/N: I split this up between when they weren’t together and when they were. It was a little longer than I planned, but oh well, I think it turned out okay.
Symmetry
4b
The Lines That Cross
Chapter 1: Everything Has It's Beginning... And It's End
Chapter 2: Leave My Heart Behind
Chapter 3a: When It's All Unraveling
Chapter 3b:When It's All Unraveling
Chapter 4a:The Lines That Cross
Casey.
It had been Casey’s eyes that Veronica looked into when she and Logan finally made it to the door. She knew how they must look, hair mussed from rolling around in bed and clothes rumpled beyond denial. She prayed he wouldn’t make a big deal of this, that he would show the same casualness he had displayed all those months of her living with Logan. She wanted to stay in their blissful, reunited reality for a little while longer and she couldn’t do that if Casey threw a fit.
“So how long has this been going on behind my back?” His voice was bitter and hurt.
“Casey-” She tried to stop him but he interrupted, hell bent on destroying her happy mood.
“I mean, I’ve always known that Logan was pining after you. Just waiting to pounce, but I didn’t think that you would just jump right in the sack with him. With all your talk of the two of you being just friends, just really good friends I didn’t know you meant really good friends.” He paused for a breath and to shoot a glare at Logan, who had started to open his mouth to say something. “Did Kylie know about the two of you? Is that why you only lasted a month Logan? Is that why none of your relationships worked out past a couple of weeks?
“I should have known something was wrong with this picture. After all, if you’re not dating you’re at each other’s throats. You don’t get along unless you’re screwing and you’ve been getting along pretty well this last year. It should have-”
“Hey!” Logan cut Casey’s rant short, unable to take his snide remarks on their relationship any longer. “That’s enough. She didn’t fuck around on you with me, or with anyone else for that matter. And the last year has been nothing but friendship, and I haven’t been fucking pining away for her. It’s none of your damn business why none of my relationships worked out. And we haven’t jumped in the sack since Freshman year, so shut the fuck up.”
Logan’s fists were clenched at his side and his chest was heaving. His face was flushed with anger and Veronica had the distinct feeling that if she didn’t get Casey out of here she’d be making a trip to the hospital with one or both of them.
“Logan? Will you grab that box for me? It’s a little heavier than I can lift.” She made the request with a soft voice. He glanced at her before he headed for the living room. She only had a few moments to make this clear to Casey without Logan hearing.
“Don’t ruin your good boyfriend record now Case, it’d be such a shame since I intended to look back on our time fondly. Logan and I are none of your business now, but when I was with you I was with you. I don’t cheat. You’d know that if you knew me at all. And you shouldn’t be with someone you don’t know. Logan knows me, knows how to be with me and not want me to be someone else. Something else. Everything seemed easy with you Casey, but I’ve spent the last ten months not being able to really relax into who I am. And I can’t do that anymore. I have to be with someone I can be with.”
Logan shoved the box at Casey without letting him cross the threshold into the house. Veronica didn’t know how long he’d been there or how much he’d heard, but she was a little nervous as Logan and Casey shared a harsher glare than before. She should have noticed when Casey stopped focusing on her and started focusing on her what was behind her. Dammit.
“Later Gant.” Logan said it with a smug voice and swung the door shut. He’d heard, probably a good majority of her speech. There’d be no living with him now.
She probably should be angry with Logan for the cocky way he’d just dismissed Casey. The arrogant and possessive display would normally piss her off, but he’d cut off whatever Casey had been opening his mouth to say and for that she was glad.
“Exactly how much of that did you hear?” She refused to turn around and look at him, to acknowledge his smug attitude.
“I came in at your declaration of the fact that you.” His hands settled at her hips to spin her. “Don’t.” He gave her a little push until her back hit the door gently. “Cheat.” He fastened his lips to her neck, just beneath her ear. A spot they both seemed to enjoy. He pulled back a little and let his tongue run around the outer rim of her ear.
“I could never want you to be someone else. Not when I want who you are so much.” Logan whispered the words into her ear as he reached down and pulled off her shorts, pleased when he remembered that she hadn’t put her underwear back on.
He pulled off her top next and then dropped his sweats and boxers, letting them collect around his ankles. It was then he looked into her eyes. He saw the tears pooling in them, noticed the tender look on her face as he hitched her legs up onto his hips.
Veronica wrapped her legs around his waist and commanded herself not to cry. She would not be that mushy girl that cried before, during or after sex. Pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth as he slid into her she inhaled sharply.
Logan expelled a breath and pushed her harder into the door, pulling out and thrusting back in. This time he got a stuttered gasp out of her, followed by a tiny whimper.
Her eyes shut as she pressed her lips to the crook of his neck, making him shudder as he pushed in again, picking up his speed. Her moan was soft.
Logan thrust harder and faster, shifting his grip from her hips to her thighs, pulling her towards him every time he drove into her. He was trying to keep a steady pace, measured thrusts, but it’d been so long since he felt like this, since he’d felt the exhilaration he felt when he was with someone he loved. So long since he’d been with the girl he loved. His heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest and his lungs burned from the exertion. His legs ached with the weight of holding the both of them up while being so tense. His back stung a little where her nails dug in, and a little more when she dragged them forward and didn’t ease up off the pressure.
“Oh God, Logan!”
That made any little bit of pain worth it, turned it into pleasure. That made the experience that much better.
Satisfied that she’d called out his name, that she was completely invested in their current activity, he captured her mouth in a rough, passionate kiss. His tongue thrust in and ran along the roof of her mouth before hers pushed against it. They were locked in together in every intimate way possible.
Logan felt the tremors in start in her, the same tremors that made his knees start to really weaken. She hit her orgasm sooner than he expected, and her tightening around him combined with her screaming his name sent him over the edge a lot harder than he anticipated.
“Veroni-”
With one last awkward thrust he drove into her and came, letting out a raw shout, unable to finish her name. In that same instant his knees finally gave out, and they slipped to the floor.
Logan laid back on the cool tile of the foyer, bringing Veronica down with him. She was still wrapped tightly in his arms and sighed as she snuggled her face into his neck. She didn’t move off of him, to his side. She stayed straddling him and the vision she made started a new feeling of arousal low in his stomach.
He kissed her shoulder reverently. She slid to his side, and cuddled into it now. Looking up at him Veronica stretched to kiss him gently.
“It’s better than I remember. Or maybe it’s better because I remember, but I feel like I just literally exploded.” Her voice was raspy the way it always was after sex and it was probably the sexiest thing he’d ever heard.
“I know what you mean. I feel like I’m boneless. Like I just took, like, fifty muscle relaxers and can’t move.”
They laid there for another hour before he scooped her up and carried her to the couch after feeling her shiver. They made love slowly there, and softly they fell asleep.
~ * ~
Things got serious right away. She moved out of her bedroom and into his. She cooked Thanksgiving dinner at their house in November and invited their friends and her dad. The guys had watched football while Mac had sat in the kitchen tying to talk Veronica into making a Tofurkey instead.
Things had gone well until her dad had headed home. Dick took the opportunity to break out the beer and make rude comments to her. Logan was on the verge blowing up when Mac stepped in. She drug him out to her car by his ear and told Veronica that she’d bring him by to pick up his car in the morning. Or she’d make him take a cab. Which ever worked without her having to speak to him in the morning.
In December Veronica went crazy decorating the house. There were times that Logan got a little scared at her enthusiasm for tinsel and garland. He drew the line when she tried to make him string cranberries and popcorn while watching It’s A Wonderful Life. But when her lip quivered and she mumbled something about doing it by herself he gave in. He lasted all of fifteen minutes before he had to just sit there and watch the movie, band-aids wrapped around six of his ten fingers.
They’d had a small get together at their apartment Christmas Eve and then ended up sleeping on the hide-a-bed couch at Keith’s apartment. They’d opened presents the next morning and then Veronica and him drove home so she could start cooking another meal. She had almost everything but the mashed potatoes and cranberries done by time Wallace and Piz showed up at four.
Wallace’s mom and little brother had gone to Alicia’s mother’s for a week and a half and Wallace had opted to stay in Neptune. Piz couldn’t get the time off to go up to Beaverton. Mac couldn’t stand the idea of staying with her family all day and agreed to come if Veronica made something vegan friendly too. Dick had no where else go, no other family so he promised to behave himself in order to get an invite. Keith was bringing his girlfriend of six months, Kate. She was a pretty redhead with hair just below her shoulders and green eyes, just a little taller than Veronica was. Veronica hated her, but pretended to like her for her dad.
It was the best Christmas Logan had ever had, the most loving. He nearly cried when Veronica gave him the engraved watch that night.
“One last present, to end the day.” She had said as she pulled the small package wrapped in a jade green paper, a shiny silver bow nearly engulfing it’s size out from a drawer next to her side of the bed.
He’d ripped into it with an excitement that rivaled the one he’d had that morning. But halted his movements when he opened the box. The shiny watch looked expensive, more expensive than anything he’d ever gotten from her before. And his heart nearly leapt out of his chest when he read what she had engraved on the back.
Trust. Need. Love. Hero.
Four words that would forever be branded into his mind. He couldn’t believe how far they’d come since their Freshman year, since high school. Apparently time really did heal all wounds and all the crap he’d thought was bullshit when people had said it to him.
He paid extra attention to the third word. Love. It was the closest she’d ever come to actually saying the words. The first time he said he loved her before Senior year of high school she’d made a joke, playing it off. When he’d said it to her again three years ago they’d been arguing. She just agreed that she felt the same way instead of actually saying the words. And when he said it now she either said “me too” or she kissed him.
That third word was his favorite gift.
~ * ~
They had another party New Year’s Eve, but this time Keith was not invited. Mac had convinced Parker to come with her. They’d decided to get an apartment together at the beginning of the new year. Mac’s lease was up and Parker’s current roommate wanted to move out, but needed someone to take over her part of the lease. Parker jumped at the chance of living with Mac again. She complained that her present roommate was she was too perky. The irony was not lost on them.
Mac told Parker that she had to get over her issues with Veronica and Logan, because they were going to be around. Parker agreed, as long as she found a guy at the party tonight.
Piz brought a girl that he’d met in one of his classes. He’d called earlier, before the party to ask Veronica to not mention that they had dated. He hadn’t told Ashley that it was an ex-girlfriend’s party and didn’t want her to get upset.
Wallace brought a girl too, a petite little brunette with brown eyes named Cassie. Logan made a joke about Wallace being drawn to the petite girls. Cassie countered it with the sarcastic observation that Logan seemed to be drawn to them as well.
By ten there were at least fifty people in the house, most of them tipsy, some of them drunk and two passed out on lounge chairs on the back porch. Parker had actually had a conversation with Veronica and thanked her for the invite. She was having more fun than she’d had in a while.
At eleven Veronica had passed by the guestroom and seen Dick on top of some brunette. When she’d gone in to yell at him for “defiling her old room” she’d frozen in shock. He was on top of Mac who didn’t seem to be unconscious. In fact, she seemed to be an active participant in their goings-on. Veronica backed out of the room and shut the door silently. They were probably drunk and would regret it in the morning. But Mac would be even more mortified if she knew that Veronica or the any of the others knew about it. And if they weren’t drunk they’d have to explain it sometime.
At five to twelve everyone was in the living room, filling their little plastic champagne flutes with champagne and waiting for the countdown. Mac and Dick were tucked away in a corner, looking like they were practicing for the moment the ball dropped. Parker was talking excitedly to a group of guys who looked like they were going to be fighting over who got to kiss her at midnight. Piz was sitting at a table talking animatedly to Ashley, who looked completely enthralled in whatever it was he was saying. And Veronica had to look away when she saw Wallace making out with Cassie on the couch.
Logan wouldn’t stray more than two feet away from her until the ball dropped, too afraid to miss his midnight kiss. And when the countdown started he wrapped his arms around her waist and mouthed the words from ten to one.
“Happy New Year!” The collective shout was drowned out as Logan crushed his mouth to hers. The rest of the world faded away as the kiss went on.
“Happy new year, baby.” He whispered when he finally pulled away, pressing his forehead to hers.
Veronica grinned up at him as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him.
“Happy new year.” She whispered it back, her grin faded when she looked off to the side and saw another familiar face.
Duncan Kane stood in the middle of their living room.
~ * ~
It took about forty-five minutes to get everyone out of the house. Duncan was settling into the guestroom as Logan and Veronica saw their guests out.
Veronica overheard Dick tell Mac he’d call her around ten so they could get brunch. Parker asked who Duncan was and Mac said she’d tell her in the car. Piz didn’t even get the chance to ask before Wallace cut him off, saying he’d explain another time.
It was one-thirty by time they got Dick to leave, the last party guest. Logan was exhausted and wanted to go to bed, leave the clean up for the morning.
“I thought you were hiring a maid service to clean it up while we’re gone.” Veronica looked around the house. It was the first time they’d had a party like this and it was the first time it had gotten this trashed. There was no way she wanted to clean this up in the morning.
“I didn’t mean that clean up. I meant the Duncan mess, we’ll clean it up, talk it out, in the morning.” He was already shuffling off to the room he’d directed Duncan to during their brief conversation earlier. Veronica watched him poke his head and tell Duncan that they were going to bed.
She heard the low mumble of Duncan’s voice and then Logan stepped further into the room, his hand still visible on the door knob. He was only in there a moment, but it was a moment that sent Veronica into a panic for some reason. He came right back out, followed by Duncan who stayed standing in the doorway.
Logan wrapped an arm around her when he reached her. She turned and laid her head on his shoulder as they walked the seven feet to their own bedroom door and went in.
~ * ~
Veronica woke up with Logan on top of her, kissing her neck. Smiling she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and sighed.
“First time this year, we should let it take a while.” She said, moaning a little as he took her earlobe into his mouth and tugged. “Like all day.”
She felt him grin against her as he went back to her neck. He was already starting to work her top off and her legs had wrapped around his hips. When had that happened? Suddenly Logan pulled back, a confused look on his face.
She looked up at him, rather confused herself. She lifted up off the bed in an attempt to kiss him but fell back again when she heard it too.
“Do you hear somebody talking?” Logan asked, his brow furrowed and looking more than a little annoyed now. “Did someone not leave last night?”
“Duncan.”
Logan rolled off Veronica, apparently he would not be getting laid this morning. He hadn’t really forgotten about his best friend of yester years being in the other room. He’d just hoped he could ignore it for a while longer.
“We should get up then, maybe go out for breakfast or something.” Veronica got out of bed and reached for her dresser. Logan got out of bed as well.
The both pulled on jeans, staring at each other. They had been planning a trip up to Napa, a romantic little excursion that Logan had suggested at Christmas. Something to help them relax before they started their final semester of college. As Veronica pulled on a T-shirt with a shrimp and the words “I ain’t no shrimp” emblazoned on it, she realized they probably weren’t going to be able to go now. She’d really been looking forward to it.
“So maybe we should figure something out with Duncan. Like he can watch the house instead of Wallace while we’re gone this week?” Logan was afraid she was going to cancel their trip. He had plans for that trip, devious plans that her father would kill him for. They weren’t going to be able to relax for the next four and half months, finishing up college and preparing for graduation and life afterwards. He just needed a little time for it to be the two of them.
“That sounds like a great a idea, we should ask at breakfast. If he’s in town in must mean the charges were dropped. Otherwise he’d already have been arrested.” Veronica pulled off her shirt, she couldn’t talk seriously to Duncan while wearing a shrimp on her chest.
“Decide that we should stay in bed after all?” Logan reached for the hem of his own shirt as she reached for another shirt.
“No. Just decided on a less comedic look.” She pulled on the hot pink tank top, a boy-beater. Logan rolled his eyes and waited for the inevitable remark. The one she said every time she wore that shirt.
“Wanna wear you’re wife-beater and we can pretend to be Britney and Kevin part deux?” She waggled her eyebrows as she approached him, going up on her tip toes to kiss him.
“Pass. I like my green one, but I’ll wear matching trucker hats with you later if you want.” She giggled and he kissed her back.
There was a knock on their bedroom door and they pulled apart.
“Guys? I was thinking about getting breakfast. You wanna come?” Duncan’s voice came from the other side of the door, he sounded strained.
“Yeah, we were thinking the same thing.” Veronica answered as she swung open the door. She slipped into her flip-flops and left the room.
Logan silently prayed that everything would be okay, that Duncan wouldn't screw with the happiness they’d found.
~ * ~
They’d gone to Napa and spent most of the time in bed. Duncan had stayed at the house, making sure Dick didn’t sneak in and throw another party before they got back.
When they’d returned they found that Duncan had gotten Lilly back, who had been kept at the airport by child protective services. Jake and Celeste had finally taken care of the kidnapping charges and the Mannings. Duncan said that his parents lawyers had worked it out. Veronica suspected that there’d been an exchange of money.
Duncan settled into the guestroom for the time being. He was making arrangements with Neptune High to take the finals he’d missed in the classes he ditched after fleeing the country. Afterwards they agreed to give him a diploma instead of a GED, he’d be able to apply at Hearst after that. He planned to take an extra two courses every semester instead of just the regular four. If he could work it out to taking twenty credits per semester, and take summer classes, he should be able to graduate in two years, maybe two and half. It would be hard work and he’d have to hire a nanny to take care of Lilly, but he didn’t want to be too far behind Logan and Veronica and the rest of his friends.
He wasn’t looking for a house though, and that worried Logan.
“He can’t stay here with a baby, Veronica. We can’t have a baby in the house.” His voice hitched in panic. Valentine’s Day was a week away and he’d wanted have the house to themselves so they could celebrate properly. It’d be their first one together. They’d been broken up by Valentine’s Day freshman year, and he’d never got to be with her the way he’d wanted back then.
“She’s four Logan, hardly a baby. Or so she’s told me, a few times. And it’s only been a month, he’s been getting everything else lined up. Maybe a new house didn’t occur to him yet. I’ll talk to him if it makes you feel better, although I don’t know why you can’t do it yourself.” She was being more indulgent with him than she normally would be. Normally she’d make him go ask Duncan himself instead of making her do it. But he’d been more nervous lately, and she could see that he was scared that Duncan was going to take her away again.
“It’s better when you play the bad cop and I play the prisoner, remember?” his voice dropped low and seductive as he advanced on her.
“Well, we’ll role-play that another day. How about I play you and go talk to your best friend. And you can pretend to be a maid and clean up your clothes on the floor in here.” She slipped out of his arms and walked out of the bedroom.
~ * ~
Duncan finally moved out in March, right before Logan’s St. Patrick’s Day party. He moved into the next house over, placed to their right and still far too close for Logan’s comfort. For some reason he’d expected him to move into something in a more 09er area, closer to where he’d grown up. But when he’d come in a week ago and announced that he’d bought the beach house next door Logan’s stomach had dropped.
It was nearly the exact same floor plan as Logan and Veronica’s house. And when Duncan asked Veronica to help him decorate it, he’d gotten a little sicker. He didn’t know what Duncan was trying to do, but he didn’t like it. Veronica and Logan had redecorated the house in their style last summer, made it really their place. And when they’d gotten back together in October she’d redone their bedroom and the guestroom.
It was a three bedroom house, but she’d let Logan turn the third room into a game room, where the X-Box and other consoles were permanently set-up. She said that as long as she didn’t have to hear the beeping she didn’t care if he played. And it made it that much more fun when Heather came over for their “game dates”. She was thirteen now, and probably would stop coming soon. She liked to come over and hang out with him, Veronica would make cookies and play housewife. Heather would sit at the kitchen table and talk to Veronica about girlie stuff that Logan wasn’t allowed to hear. She had her own big sister but she like to pretend that Veronica was her sister too.
Duncan would be turning the third room into the nanny’s room. And Veronica had already agreed to help interview nannies. Veronica said it was just so she didn’t have to babysit, but Logan had a sneaking suspicion that she’d gotten attached to Lilly. Sometimes when Duncan was gone and Lilly was home with Veronica Logan would come home and catch Veronica with her. Once he’d found her in Duncan’s room leaning over her as she napped, staring at her face with concentration. He’d backed out of the doorway and gone through the house to slam the front door, let her know he was home. When he’d gone back through she’d been in the hall and promptly dragged him to the couch to make out, informing him that they were on Lilly duty for another hour.
They’d fought a few times about whether or not they were obligated to watch the four year old while Duncan was out making his life perfect again. Veronica always argued that he needed a little support from them, that’d he’d been all alone with Lilly for a long time. Logan’s argument was that Duncan was taking advantage, pushing Lilly at them too much.
It wasn’t that he didn’t like the little girl. He thought she was cute, a sweet girl that would probably only get sweeter when she grew up. Like her mom. The problem was he could see how Duncan used her as a tool to convince Veronica to do things, swayed her to his side. Veronica didn’t hang out with Wallace and Mac anymore unless they came to the house. Parker was coming over with Mac a lot and getting left behind when Dick came over and talked Mac into a movie. Logan saw how Parker leaned closer to Duncan, recognized her “flirt giggle”. He was intimately familiar with all the signs of Parker’s interest. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when he’d overheard her asking Veronica if Duncan had ever mentioned her. If there was any way Veronica could ask him. Veronica’s groan belied her agreement to do so, she hated playing love connection.
Logan couldn’t help but wonder why Parker always seemed to go after the guys in Veronica’s life. She’d liked Piz at first, asked Veronica to hook them up. Then she’d dated Logan. Then, the end of Sophomore year she finally started dating Piz. They didn’t last much longer than she and Logan had, breaking up with him for still being hung up on Veronica. That’d been beginning of Junior year and he didn’t think she’d seriously dated anyone since. He wondered if he should warn her against Duncan for that same reason. Duncan tried to hide it, and he seemed to be fooling everyone. Including Veronica. But it was obvious to Logan he still had a thing for her. After all, he did all the same things Logan himself had done when he’d seen Duncan with her Senior year of high school. Everything but the be really mean to her and call her a ho part. That was, in spite of everything, Logan’s trademark pining move.
~ * ~
Veronica made another big dinner for Easter, inviting everyone over. Piz couldn’t make it because him and Ashley were flying up to visit his parents. Keith and Kate had broken up a month earlier, much to Veronica’s glee. She’d been even happier to find out that he’d gotten back together with Wallace’s mom. Wallace would be there no matter what since his mom and brother would be there with Keith. Wallace said that Cassie would be coming later in the night, since she was having dinner with her parents. He told Veronica to make extra dessert, just in case.
Mac agreed to come if Dick was invited, even though she was making an appearance at both her parent’s house and the Sinclairs. Mrs. Sinclair had called her during Sophomore year and they’d started having weekly lunches together. This would be the first holiday that she’d been dropping by for, and Dick was going for emotional support. Though neither Veronica nor Logan could figure out how that worked. Still, Mac promised to get pictures of Madison’s face when she showed up. Veronica still had the camera-phone-photo of her face when they’d sat down and informed Madison that she was not, in fact, a real 09er.
Parker decided to attend due to the fact that she refused to go home to her parents. She’d been reluctant at first, thinking that it was just family, but agreed when Mac said she was going. She’d been even more excited when Veronica had agreed to Parker coming over early to help cook. She’d gushed when she’d gotten there at ten that morning. Saying something about the group being like a real family, coming together for holiday dinners. Veronica just rolled her eyes and handed her a potato peeler.
Duncan had been the last to arrive, and when Parker had seen him arrive she’d rushed right over and lifted Lilly out of his arms. Duncan gladly handed her off and went to the kitchen to steal food. Logan was feeling at ease for the first time since Duncan had shown up on New Year’s.
After dinner Duncan had taken Parker out back, sitting on the back porch for nearly fifteen minutes. Logan had thought that maybe Duncan was interested after all. He hadn’t acted like he was interested in her, but Logan hadn’t been until it’d been thrust upon him. Until he truly thought things were over with Veronica.
But Parker came in after that fifteen minutes and asked Mac for her keys. Mac handed them over saying Dick would drive her home.
Duncan stayed out there a few more minutes before he came back in. Everyone looked at him expectantly but it was Veronica he ushered into the kitchen for a private talk. They’d come back out a scant ten minutes later, but to Logan it had felt longer. He was back to feeling tense again and had to restrain himself from going in there at least three times. When they came back though, he mentioned Lilly’s bedtime and then left.
Keith and Alicia left a little while after Parker and Duncan, taking Darryl with them. Mac yawned loudly a few times, but it was when her eyes started drifting shut that Dick picked her up and took her to his car. Wallace and Cassie were already half way to their own cars before Dick’s tail-lights had disappeared. They had the apartment all to themselves for another night and wanted to take advantage.
Going back into the house, Logan finally asked the question he’d been dying to ask for the last hour.
“What happened between Duncan and Parker?”
“Duncan said he tried to let her down gently. Told her that he couldn’t be in a relationship right now. That he had to focus on Lilly and his future, their future.” Veronica was walking in front of him, stretching. He could tell she was tired and wanted to go to bed, but he didn’t want to let this go yet.
“Why?”
“Probably because he doesn’t want a relationship right now and wants to focus on Lilly and the future.” Veronica’s voice was annoyed now. “God Logan.”
“Wouldn’t finding somebody to be in a relationship with be including in the ‘focusing on the future’ thing? Most people see relationships in their futures, and I know that Duncan isn’t the ‘I never wanna get married’ type. He’s a relationship guy.” Logan needed to know, had to know what Duncan’s end-game was. Things were getting risky with Veronica, their relationship was on shaky ground with Duncan always there.
“I don’t know Logan. Maybe he sees a relationship in the future, just not with Parker. It’s too bad though, Parker does seem like Duncan’s type.”
“Why does she seem like Duncan’s type? Because she was my type?”
“What? That’s not what I meant. You and Duncan have the same physical type, yeah. But when it comes to the emotional stuff it’s different.” Veronica sounded pissed off now. Pissed and defensive.
“You know why he’s not interested in her right?” Veronica raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to continue. “He’s still in love with you. He’s in love with you and you either don’t see it or pretend not to see it.”
“You’re being stupid and insecure, Logan. Do you even hear yourself? Paranoid that your best friend is after your girlfriend.” She had been sitting at the edge of the bed before, now she was standing next to their bathroom door. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest, one hip cocked and her right foot tapping. It was a pose she effected when she was getting really angry.
“Don’t call me stupid, Veronica. I know what I’m saying and I know what I see him doing. He’s around all the time, just like he was that summer, stalking you at work. Now he’s stalking you at home and using Lilly to help him out. You look at Lilly and you see our Lilly. You see Meg. You lost them both and now you feel like you’ve gotten them back in a way. She’s your weak spot and he knows it.”
Logan was staring her down now, wouldn’t compromise this time. Wouldn’t let her keep pretending that Duncan was there as a just a friend and he wouldn’t keep pretending it didn’t bother him. He could see her thinking it over, looking at the facts. She usually had a hard time seeing the facts when they pertained to her. But when pointed out to her she could look back and see them more clearly. She could actually see them.
He saw the shift in her posture, slight but still visible. She was going to concede to his point this time. Let him win the fight.
“I didn’t mean to call you stupid. And maybe I have kind of been looking at Lilly as a replacement for Meg and our Lilly. I miss them both I guess, and when I look at Lilly she’s just… Sometimes when I babysit I watch her as she sleeps and try to find the Lilly parts and the Meg parts. I know she’s Duncan’s, but she seems more Meg’s to me. And she looks so much like our Lilly it’s a little scary sometimes.” Veronica looked on the verge of tears, and when Logan held his arms open to her she rushed to him. Buried her face in his chest and sighed.
“I didn’t see the way he was with me, didn’t see it. I’m sorry.” Logan held onto her tighter.
They’d get through Duncan this time. They had to.
~ * ~
The fight had started out small this time, seemingly harmless. But it grew to the point where Logan actually found himself banned from his own bedroom, restricted to the couch. He couldn’t even remember what he had said to her, but he could remember the look on her face. The look that usually meant that she was going to be getting revenge soon. The look that said you were going to find a bong in your locker later.
They had been arguing a little more since the Easter fight almost a month ago. Veronica had stopped spending time with Duncan and slipped back into their old routine. They had less sex though. Logan noticed that change.
He hadn’t expected to become the cliché, making a bed up on the couch after being kicked out of his own bed. He stood there staring at the couch and his pathetic little pillow and blanket. Why wasn’t he in the guestroom?
It never occurred to him to go in there, but it seemed too permanent, like he didn’t intend to come back. Too comfortable to be punishment for whatever it was that he said. What if Veronica changed her mind and came out to find him. If he was in the guestroom she wouldn’t worry about him being uncomfortable and just let him sleep in there. So he crawled into his make-shift bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying to get into a comfortable position he knew didn’t exist.
Like he’d be doing any sleeping anyway. It’d been so long since he slept alone that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to. Usually he had Veronica’s tiny little body curled into his, or he was spooned up behind her. He always fell asleep with her in his arms and woke up the same way.
“Logan?” Her voice sounded so little and she looked contrite when she appeared in the doorway.
“Yeah?” He leaned his head to the side to get a better view of her. She looked nervous standing in the doorway. She’d never been nervous with him before. Not even in high school when they hated each other. It was just one more recent development that made him hate Duncan a little more.
“I don’t want to sleep alone. Come back to bed.” Her voice sounded more tired than she had been before, and when he looked at her slumped shoulders he realized how tired she’d been looking lately.
He’d been focused on school and graduation lately, but he hadn’t realized how hard she was trying. She’d really been putting in an effort this time, really trying to be what he wanted. Cutting Duncan out was hard on her. It was hard on him too, but he couldn’t be around him without wanting to hit him. Veronica was doing it for him and he could see how much it strained her. It was straining their relationship and tonight’s fight proved it.
They’d been working out so well before Duncan came back, he didn’t want to let that go. But something wasn’t working now, and it had to do with Duncan. They never could find a way to be together when he was around. And it looked like they still couldn’t. They couldn’t seem to the flow of it.
Logan grabbed his pillow back up again and headed for the bedroom. He reached for Veronica, but she was just beyond his grasp, didn’t let him catch her. His heart dropped at that. She really just didn’t want to be alone. It had nothing to do with being without him.
He caught a glimpse of the watch she’d given him as he settled back into bed. It sat on his bedside table, shiny and mocking. Those words on the back might still be true, but he was feeling them less and less lately.
And that scared him.
~ * ~
She got accepted to the FBI academy two days before their graduation ceremony. Screamed when she’d read the letter and yelled for Logan. He didn’t come. He’d gone surfing with Dick further up shore today. There was no one around to hear her news. She tried her dad’s cell before she remembered his no contact rule for the time being. He and Alicia were staying at a hotel in San Diego and were incommunicado until Saturday when they returned for graduation. Wallace and Cassie had a whole romantic day planned. Mac was with Parker in LA, shopping for the perfect graduation dress. But she could see Duncan in his yard. He was home.
“Duncan!” She yelled from the back porch, getting his attention as she ran down the steps and across to his fence.
“Hey! It’s been a while. Guess you’ve been busy with finals and stuff huh?” he was looking at her expectantly. That’s when she knew he knew what was really going on. He knew that she had been avoiding him for Logan.
“Yeah, it’s been pretty hectic. In fact, this is the first time Logan’s been able to go surfing with Dick since it got warm enough.” She dug pulled the letter out of her back pocket, holding it up like a trophy. “I probably should have told Logan about this first, but I was just so excited and I can’t get him on his cell. I had to tell someone.”
Duncan reached for the letter as she pushed it forward, their hands brushed. The covered hers and held on a moment too long before he finally took the piece of paper. He unfolded it quickly and read over it. He smiled as his eyes darted back and forth over the paper.
“You’re going to be a fed huh? Congrats!” He looked up at her with that awe she had once wanted from Piz.
“Yep. Those commercials about the government wanting you, they were aimed at me. Uncle Sam wants me, and he wants to train me.” She joked lightly, a cold feeling in her stomach at the realization of what she was doing. Logan was going to be excited for her, and as long as he never found out she’d told Duncan first he wouldn’t be upset. He was still so sensitive about the Duncan issue. She couldn’t figure out how to prove to him that she didn’t want Duncan. He just seemed so insecure about it.
The phone was ringing back in the house.
“That’s our phone. Nobody ever calls it unless they’ve already called the cell…” She backed away and waved goodbye.
It was Mac and Parker. They’d been deep in conversation and locked the car keys in the trunk. Mac didn’t want to call anyone because she hadn’t renewed Triple A on her insurance yet. So Veronica grabbed her keys and drove to their apartment first. It was a good thing she had a key so she could get Mac’s spare car key.
She called and left Logan a voicemail. “Hey baby, I have to run up to LA and meet Parker and Mac. They locked the keys in the car. I probably won’t be back until late because we’ll probably get dinner before heading back. I’ll call you if I’m going to be any later than ten.”
With that she hung up and headed out of town.
~ * ~
Logan walked up the steps of the back porch, propping his surf board up against the house. He was hungry and Veronica wasn’t going to be home for dinner, so apparently it was pizza night.
“Hey Logan.”
He looked up to find Duncan standing at his fence, waving a little. He considered just waving back and going into the house. But he hadn’t talked to Duncan in a while, and maybe things were better now. Maybe Logan had been overreacting. He walked over to lean against Duncan’s fence.
“Hey man, how’s it going?” He tried to ignore how awkward this was. He knew Duncan was aware of the reason why they weren’t hanging out.
They made small talk for a while. Chatting about Lilly and finals and whether or not Logan was going to be able to take a job seriously.
“So are you going to follow Veronica to training? Or are you going to stay here? After all, it’s only four months.” Duncan said it casually, but Logan could hear something else in his voice. Something quite similar to arrogance.
“What are you talking about? Training?” Logan asked, thoroughly confused by Duncan’s questions. What was he talking about, four months?
“She got into the FBI academy, she’s going to be training in Virginia for four months.” Duncan said it so matter-of-factly that Logan couldn’t argue it. Couldn’t deny that it was most likely the truth. He couldn’t be lying, he was too confident.
“I didn’t… She didn’t tell me.” Logan tried not to let the hurt and disappointment seep into his voice. She hadn’t come to him first and that hurt. Hurt like she’d taken a knife to his gut. An ashtray to his head.
“Oh, well. Maybe she was just so excited, I mean she did just tell me today. But I figured she would have told you first.” Duncan said it as he looked back at his own house. “I think I hear Lilly. If you want to wait a minute…”
Logan shook his head, told him to go and that he’d seem him later. His head felt like it was spinning, he felt like he was going to throw up. She gone to Duncan and told him first. She’d been waiting to hear back on her application for a month now, and she’d gone to Duncan first instead of waiting for him to get home.
Duncan had been first, like always.
~ * ~
She found him sitting on the couch. No television, no stereo, no iPod. Just sitting there in the quiet with only one lamp in the corner on.
“Hey, what’s going on?” She asked him in a slightly scared voice. He was always melodramatic, but this was a little more dramatic than a bad surf day usually warranted.
“You got into the Academy.” He said it as a statement, no question about it. He knew it for a fact.
“How’d you know? I didn’t leave the letter, it’s in my purse…” When realization dawned on her it felt like she’d been punched in the face.
“Duncan.” The one word that always seemed to come between them.
They’d been able to get through everything else. Destroyed lives, murder accusations, rape, arson, abandonment, adultery, drunken decisions, Madison, slaps… Their past problems read like a list of sins. But it was his former best friend that did them in.
Veronica opened her mouth, but he cut her off.
“I’m going to stay in the guestroom tonight. When I get back.” He said the words as he stood from the couch.
“Where are you going?” Her voice was panicked and he could hear the tears coming. Felt them welling up in his own eyes.
“Out.”
~ * ~
He got back at one thirty, roughly four and a half hours he left and smelling of tequila. A black eye was forming and his lip was fat and bleeding.
“What happened?” Veronica asked as she rushed towards him. She’d been waiting up on the couch. Her hands were on his face in an instant, but he jerk away from her.
“Got drunk. Got in a fight. What does it look like?” He tried not to let his voice be so harsh, tried not to be so angry with her. He was hurting and it was her fault. He’d hoped that they wouldn't hurt each other this time, that they were done with that. But it seemed they couldn’t get away from it, they’d always hurt each other.
“A fight with who? Where were you?” She followed him down the hall to the guestroom.
“Duncan’s.” With that he shut the door to the room, leaving her out in the hall. She stood there for a moment, until she heard the click of the lock.
~ * ~
He didn’t emerge until around one the next afternoon. Nursing a hangover and the achy body one felt when they were in a fight that had him rolling around on the floor. He could have been up at eleven, but instead he’d lain in bed and remembered all the things Duncan had said to him last night. The words that had lead to the first punch.
“When did you stop being my best friend?” Logan asked from the front door. It was late, but Duncan was still up, reading on the couch.
“What?” He knew he should’ve locked the door, but he usually didn’t do it until he went to bed. Now he wished he’d locked the door after Lizzie had picked Lilly up. Then nanny was gone for a couple days since Lilly wasn’t going to be there.
“I said, when did you stop being my best friend? It wasn’t when you found out about me in Veronica. We were barely even speaking, even then. Was it when Lilly died? Or was it before then? We’d been best friends since summer camp when we were eight, I can remember that clearly. When it started. I just can’t remember when it ended, so I was hoping you could fill me in.”
“It ended when you got drunk and told me that you wanted her. That you’d wanted to ask her out instead of Lilly. But she’d been too perfect for you, she’d never say yes so you asked Lilly instead. We were fourteen, maybe fifteen. I can’t remember, but it was about a month into my relationship with Veronica.” Duncan answered without hesitation.
“So you just stopped? You stopped being my friend because I got drunk and stupid?” Logan was floored by the realization that the person he’d thought of as a brother had written him off so long ago.
“No I stopped because you got drunk and honest. It was only a matter of time before you made a play for her, before you and Lilly’s relationship imploded completely and you set your sights on Veronica again.” Duncan was still bitter about it, he could still remember the feeling of hearing that his best friend wanted Veronica.
“So you just shut down on me? Over something that might never have happened?” Logan shook his head in disbelief.
“It did happen though. And now you’re living with her and thinking that you’re what? Going to be together forever? That you’re not holding her back? You think you never ask her to be anyone but herself. But in the past month you’ve basically forbidden her to talk to me. And she did it for you, she’s become the girl you wanted back then. Docile and obedient. Good job.” Duncan’s comments were malicious and spiteful. And they hit their mark.
Logan felt the words hit him. It felt like shards of broken glass being lodged into his heart, a sharp pain. And he did what he always did when attacked like this. He pulled his right arm back, made a fist and launched it at Duncan’s face.
He hit him in the side of the face, connecting with his cheekbone.
Duncan stumbled back before launching at him, knocking him to the floor.
Veronica was waiting in the kitchen, looking like she hadn’t slept at all.
“Afternoon.” She said it apologetically, reaching out for him. He dodged her arms and went for the coffee.
“This isn’t working. Not anymore, and you’ll be gone soon. For four months. I was thinking I’d shut down the house, lock it up and travel a bit before I settled down in a career.” He was rushing through the words he’d practiced in his head last night before she’d gotten home. “It’ll be good for the both of us. Get some distance.”
“I don’t want distance.” She said it pleadingly, tears already falling.
“I think we need it. I need it. Maybe we were never supposed to last past college. Maybe we weren’t even supposed to make it after high school. But I can’t stay with you, wondering if you should be with Duncan, if you’d rather be with him. I love you, always will. I just can’t be with you. I have to stop being in love with you.”
He felt like he was choking. The words were literally choking him and he couldn’t breathe. This was the last thing he’d ever wanted. He needed her, always had and probably always will. But he needed to stop feeling like he wasn’t enough, and he needed to stop feeling this way. Needed to stop hurting.
“Is that really how you feel? Are you sure? Because there’s no more school after this. And when I leave for training and you go wherever it is that you’re going to go we won’t see each other. When you get arrested for drunk and disorderly my dad won’t be there to call me. So, are you sure?” Her voice broke over the words several times, and she barely got it all out. She couldn’t look at him now, couldn’t see the decision in his eyes. If he walked away now, if that was his decision, she’d break. She fall apart completely if she saw that in his eyes.
“Yes, this is what I want. How I feel.” He wanted to take the words back before he had even said them. It wasn’t what he wanted, wasn’t how he felt.
“Okay then.” She turned and walked out of the kitchen and he had to grab onto the counter top in order to stop himself from going after her. He heard the jingle of her keys and the front door slam.
The sobs came quickly, and he leaned against the counter, head between his outstretched arms. She was gone. Even though he knew she’d be back tonight to sleep. She’d be back for her stuff. But she was gone.
~ * ~
Logan missed her the morning of graduation. She’d somehow snuck in without him knowing last night. He’d been asleep on the couch, waiting for her when he woke up and noticed the light under her door was on. When he’d gone to the door he found it locked. She didn’t say anything when he tried to turn it, he assumed she was listening to her iPod.
He’d gone to his room to find the clothes she’d helped him pick out for graduation and a pair of boxers to sleep in. His toothbrush and couple other things he used in the morning were set on the dresser. He obviously wouldn’t be getting into their bedroom in the morning.
He caught a glimpse of her before graduation and then again when her name was called and she received her diploma. He didn’t stand and yell for her like he’d been planning on. He just sat there clapped while he watching their friends stand up and her dad yell from the seats.
He looked for her in the crowd outside, but Dick kept pulling him away. Mac was glaring at him, he could see the disappointment on her face. Veronica must have gone over to Mac and Parker’s place yesterday.
His theory was confirmed when he caught the glare Parker was giving him. She was standing next to Cassie, not paying attention to what the little brunette was saying.
He avoided going home afterwards, but refused to go to any parties. Dick was a little more considerate of this break-up than he had been Freshman year. He’d grown up a lot this last year, and that probably had something to do with Mac.
When Logan walked into the house that night he felt it immediately. She was gone. Completely gone.
He ran to their bedroom. His bedroom. Her side of the bed was cleared off. Her dresser drawers were open slightly and empty. Her side of the bathroom counter looked so bare it made his heart clench even tighter. And there, in the center of the bed was her key.
She was really gone.
But I know what I have done
Chapter 4.5:Almost Had It
Author:princess72385
Pairings/Characters: Logan/Veronica, (mentions of: Veronica/Casey, Logan/OC, Keith/OC, Wallace/OC, Piz/OC, Mac/Dick)
Word Count: 9,602 (9,595 without lyrics)
Rating: NC-17 (for language and sex)
Summary: There are similarities to the past and now. History always repeats itself, whether we realize it or not and breaking the circle is always the most difficult part of it all.
Spoilers/Warnings: Everything to 3.17 (Debasement Tapes)
Future Fic
Disclaimer: None of it’s mine, and if it was it would all be going different right now. So don’t sue, because I have nothing and it’d be a waste of both our time. The Song is I’m Going to Stop Pretending I Didn’t Break Your Heart by Eels
A/N: The POV changes through out the story between Veronica’s POV and Logan’s POV.
A/N: I split this up between when they weren’t together and when they were. It was a little longer than I planned, but oh well, I think it turned out okay.
Symmetry
4b
The Lines That Cross
Chapter 1: Everything Has It's Beginning... And It's End
Chapter 2: Leave My Heart Behind
Chapter 3a: When It's All Unraveling
Chapter 3b:When It's All Unraveling
Chapter 4a:The Lines That Cross
Casey.
It had been Casey’s eyes that Veronica looked into when she and Logan finally made it to the door. She knew how they must look, hair mussed from rolling around in bed and clothes rumpled beyond denial. She prayed he wouldn’t make a big deal of this, that he would show the same casualness he had displayed all those months of her living with Logan. She wanted to stay in their blissful, reunited reality for a little while longer and she couldn’t do that if Casey threw a fit.
“So how long has this been going on behind my back?” His voice was bitter and hurt.
“Casey-” She tried to stop him but he interrupted, hell bent on destroying her happy mood.
“I mean, I’ve always known that Logan was pining after you. Just waiting to pounce, but I didn’t think that you would just jump right in the sack with him. With all your talk of the two of you being just friends, just really good friends I didn’t know you meant really good friends.” He paused for a breath and to shoot a glare at Logan, who had started to open his mouth to say something. “Did Kylie know about the two of you? Is that why you only lasted a month Logan? Is that why none of your relationships worked out past a couple of weeks?
“I should have known something was wrong with this picture. After all, if you’re not dating you’re at each other’s throats. You don’t get along unless you’re screwing and you’ve been getting along pretty well this last year. It should have-”
“Hey!” Logan cut Casey’s rant short, unable to take his snide remarks on their relationship any longer. “That’s enough. She didn’t fuck around on you with me, or with anyone else for that matter. And the last year has been nothing but friendship, and I haven’t been fucking pining away for her. It’s none of your damn business why none of my relationships worked out. And we haven’t jumped in the sack since Freshman year, so shut the fuck up.”
Logan’s fists were clenched at his side and his chest was heaving. His face was flushed with anger and Veronica had the distinct feeling that if she didn’t get Casey out of here she’d be making a trip to the hospital with one or both of them.
“Logan? Will you grab that box for me? It’s a little heavier than I can lift.” She made the request with a soft voice. He glanced at her before he headed for the living room. She only had a few moments to make this clear to Casey without Logan hearing.
“Don’t ruin your good boyfriend record now Case, it’d be such a shame since I intended to look back on our time fondly. Logan and I are none of your business now, but when I was with you I was with you. I don’t cheat. You’d know that if you knew me at all. And you shouldn’t be with someone you don’t know. Logan knows me, knows how to be with me and not want me to be someone else. Something else. Everything seemed easy with you Casey, but I’ve spent the last ten months not being able to really relax into who I am. And I can’t do that anymore. I have to be with someone I can be with.”
Logan shoved the box at Casey without letting him cross the threshold into the house. Veronica didn’t know how long he’d been there or how much he’d heard, but she was a little nervous as Logan and Casey shared a harsher glare than before. She should have noticed when Casey stopped focusing on her and started focusing on her what was behind her. Dammit.
“Later Gant.” Logan said it with a smug voice and swung the door shut. He’d heard, probably a good majority of her speech. There’d be no living with him now.
She probably should be angry with Logan for the cocky way he’d just dismissed Casey. The arrogant and possessive display would normally piss her off, but he’d cut off whatever Casey had been opening his mouth to say and for that she was glad.
“Exactly how much of that did you hear?” She refused to turn around and look at him, to acknowledge his smug attitude.
“I came in at your declaration of the fact that you.” His hands settled at her hips to spin her. “Don’t.” He gave her a little push until her back hit the door gently. “Cheat.” He fastened his lips to her neck, just beneath her ear. A spot they both seemed to enjoy. He pulled back a little and let his tongue run around the outer rim of her ear.
“I could never want you to be someone else. Not when I want who you are so much.” Logan whispered the words into her ear as he reached down and pulled off her shorts, pleased when he remembered that she hadn’t put her underwear back on.
He pulled off her top next and then dropped his sweats and boxers, letting them collect around his ankles. It was then he looked into her eyes. He saw the tears pooling in them, noticed the tender look on her face as he hitched her legs up onto his hips.
Veronica wrapped her legs around his waist and commanded herself not to cry. She would not be that mushy girl that cried before, during or after sex. Pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth as he slid into her she inhaled sharply.
Logan expelled a breath and pushed her harder into the door, pulling out and thrusting back in. This time he got a stuttered gasp out of her, followed by a tiny whimper.
Her eyes shut as she pressed her lips to the crook of his neck, making him shudder as he pushed in again, picking up his speed. Her moan was soft.
Logan thrust harder and faster, shifting his grip from her hips to her thighs, pulling her towards him every time he drove into her. He was trying to keep a steady pace, measured thrusts, but it’d been so long since he felt like this, since he’d felt the exhilaration he felt when he was with someone he loved. So long since he’d been with the girl he loved. His heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest and his lungs burned from the exertion. His legs ached with the weight of holding the both of them up while being so tense. His back stung a little where her nails dug in, and a little more when she dragged them forward and didn’t ease up off the pressure.
“Oh God, Logan!”
That made any little bit of pain worth it, turned it into pleasure. That made the experience that much better.
Satisfied that she’d called out his name, that she was completely invested in their current activity, he captured her mouth in a rough, passionate kiss. His tongue thrust in and ran along the roof of her mouth before hers pushed against it. They were locked in together in every intimate way possible.
Logan felt the tremors in start in her, the same tremors that made his knees start to really weaken. She hit her orgasm sooner than he expected, and her tightening around him combined with her screaming his name sent him over the edge a lot harder than he anticipated.
“Veroni-”
With one last awkward thrust he drove into her and came, letting out a raw shout, unable to finish her name. In that same instant his knees finally gave out, and they slipped to the floor.
Logan laid back on the cool tile of the foyer, bringing Veronica down with him. She was still wrapped tightly in his arms and sighed as she snuggled her face into his neck. She didn’t move off of him, to his side. She stayed straddling him and the vision she made started a new feeling of arousal low in his stomach.
He kissed her shoulder reverently. She slid to his side, and cuddled into it now. Looking up at him Veronica stretched to kiss him gently.
“It’s better than I remember. Or maybe it’s better because I remember, but I feel like I just literally exploded.” Her voice was raspy the way it always was after sex and it was probably the sexiest thing he’d ever heard.
“I know what you mean. I feel like I’m boneless. Like I just took, like, fifty muscle relaxers and can’t move.”
They laid there for another hour before he scooped her up and carried her to the couch after feeling her shiver. They made love slowly there, and softly they fell asleep.
~ * ~
Things got serious right away. She moved out of her bedroom and into his. She cooked Thanksgiving dinner at their house in November and invited their friends and her dad. The guys had watched football while Mac had sat in the kitchen tying to talk Veronica into making a Tofurkey instead.
Things had gone well until her dad had headed home. Dick took the opportunity to break out the beer and make rude comments to her. Logan was on the verge blowing up when Mac stepped in. She drug him out to her car by his ear and told Veronica that she’d bring him by to pick up his car in the morning. Or she’d make him take a cab. Which ever worked without her having to speak to him in the morning.
In December Veronica went crazy decorating the house. There were times that Logan got a little scared at her enthusiasm for tinsel and garland. He drew the line when she tried to make him string cranberries and popcorn while watching It’s A Wonderful Life. But when her lip quivered and she mumbled something about doing it by herself he gave in. He lasted all of fifteen minutes before he had to just sit there and watch the movie, band-aids wrapped around six of his ten fingers.
They’d had a small get together at their apartment Christmas Eve and then ended up sleeping on the hide-a-bed couch at Keith’s apartment. They’d opened presents the next morning and then Veronica and him drove home so she could start cooking another meal. She had almost everything but the mashed potatoes and cranberries done by time Wallace and Piz showed up at four.
Wallace’s mom and little brother had gone to Alicia’s mother’s for a week and a half and Wallace had opted to stay in Neptune. Piz couldn’t get the time off to go up to Beaverton. Mac couldn’t stand the idea of staying with her family all day and agreed to come if Veronica made something vegan friendly too. Dick had no where else go, no other family so he promised to behave himself in order to get an invite. Keith was bringing his girlfriend of six months, Kate. She was a pretty redhead with hair just below her shoulders and green eyes, just a little taller than Veronica was. Veronica hated her, but pretended to like her for her dad.
It was the best Christmas Logan had ever had, the most loving. He nearly cried when Veronica gave him the engraved watch that night.
“One last present, to end the day.” She had said as she pulled the small package wrapped in a jade green paper, a shiny silver bow nearly engulfing it’s size out from a drawer next to her side of the bed.
He’d ripped into it with an excitement that rivaled the one he’d had that morning. But halted his movements when he opened the box. The shiny watch looked expensive, more expensive than anything he’d ever gotten from her before. And his heart nearly leapt out of his chest when he read what she had engraved on the back.
Trust. Need. Love. Hero.
Four words that would forever be branded into his mind. He couldn’t believe how far they’d come since their Freshman year, since high school. Apparently time really did heal all wounds and all the crap he’d thought was bullshit when people had said it to him.
He paid extra attention to the third word. Love. It was the closest she’d ever come to actually saying the words. The first time he said he loved her before Senior year of high school she’d made a joke, playing it off. When he’d said it to her again three years ago they’d been arguing. She just agreed that she felt the same way instead of actually saying the words. And when he said it now she either said “me too” or she kissed him.
That third word was his favorite gift.
~ * ~
They had another party New Year’s Eve, but this time Keith was not invited. Mac had convinced Parker to come with her. They’d decided to get an apartment together at the beginning of the new year. Mac’s lease was up and Parker’s current roommate wanted to move out, but needed someone to take over her part of the lease. Parker jumped at the chance of living with Mac again. She complained that her present roommate was she was too perky. The irony was not lost on them.
Mac told Parker that she had to get over her issues with Veronica and Logan, because they were going to be around. Parker agreed, as long as she found a guy at the party tonight.
Piz brought a girl that he’d met in one of his classes. He’d called earlier, before the party to ask Veronica to not mention that they had dated. He hadn’t told Ashley that it was an ex-girlfriend’s party and didn’t want her to get upset.
Wallace brought a girl too, a petite little brunette with brown eyes named Cassie. Logan made a joke about Wallace being drawn to the petite girls. Cassie countered it with the sarcastic observation that Logan seemed to be drawn to them as well.
By ten there were at least fifty people in the house, most of them tipsy, some of them drunk and two passed out on lounge chairs on the back porch. Parker had actually had a conversation with Veronica and thanked her for the invite. She was having more fun than she’d had in a while.
At eleven Veronica had passed by the guestroom and seen Dick on top of some brunette. When she’d gone in to yell at him for “defiling her old room” she’d frozen in shock. He was on top of Mac who didn’t seem to be unconscious. In fact, she seemed to be an active participant in their goings-on. Veronica backed out of the room and shut the door silently. They were probably drunk and would regret it in the morning. But Mac would be even more mortified if she knew that Veronica or the any of the others knew about it. And if they weren’t drunk they’d have to explain it sometime.
At five to twelve everyone was in the living room, filling their little plastic champagne flutes with champagne and waiting for the countdown. Mac and Dick were tucked away in a corner, looking like they were practicing for the moment the ball dropped. Parker was talking excitedly to a group of guys who looked like they were going to be fighting over who got to kiss her at midnight. Piz was sitting at a table talking animatedly to Ashley, who looked completely enthralled in whatever it was he was saying. And Veronica had to look away when she saw Wallace making out with Cassie on the couch.
Logan wouldn’t stray more than two feet away from her until the ball dropped, too afraid to miss his midnight kiss. And when the countdown started he wrapped his arms around her waist and mouthed the words from ten to one.
“Happy New Year!” The collective shout was drowned out as Logan crushed his mouth to hers. The rest of the world faded away as the kiss went on.
“Happy new year, baby.” He whispered when he finally pulled away, pressing his forehead to hers.
Veronica grinned up at him as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him.
“Happy new year.” She whispered it back, her grin faded when she looked off to the side and saw another familiar face.
Duncan Kane stood in the middle of their living room.
~ * ~
It took about forty-five minutes to get everyone out of the house. Duncan was settling into the guestroom as Logan and Veronica saw their guests out.
Veronica overheard Dick tell Mac he’d call her around ten so they could get brunch. Parker asked who Duncan was and Mac said she’d tell her in the car. Piz didn’t even get the chance to ask before Wallace cut him off, saying he’d explain another time.
It was one-thirty by time they got Dick to leave, the last party guest. Logan was exhausted and wanted to go to bed, leave the clean up for the morning.
“I thought you were hiring a maid service to clean it up while we’re gone.” Veronica looked around the house. It was the first time they’d had a party like this and it was the first time it had gotten this trashed. There was no way she wanted to clean this up in the morning.
“I didn’t mean that clean up. I meant the Duncan mess, we’ll clean it up, talk it out, in the morning.” He was already shuffling off to the room he’d directed Duncan to during their brief conversation earlier. Veronica watched him poke his head and tell Duncan that they were going to bed.
She heard the low mumble of Duncan’s voice and then Logan stepped further into the room, his hand still visible on the door knob. He was only in there a moment, but it was a moment that sent Veronica into a panic for some reason. He came right back out, followed by Duncan who stayed standing in the doorway.
Logan wrapped an arm around her when he reached her. She turned and laid her head on his shoulder as they walked the seven feet to their own bedroom door and went in.
~ * ~
Veronica woke up with Logan on top of her, kissing her neck. Smiling she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and sighed.
“First time this year, we should let it take a while.” She said, moaning a little as he took her earlobe into his mouth and tugged. “Like all day.”
She felt him grin against her as he went back to her neck. He was already starting to work her top off and her legs had wrapped around his hips. When had that happened? Suddenly Logan pulled back, a confused look on his face.
She looked up at him, rather confused herself. She lifted up off the bed in an attempt to kiss him but fell back again when she heard it too.
“Do you hear somebody talking?” Logan asked, his brow furrowed and looking more than a little annoyed now. “Did someone not leave last night?”
“Duncan.”
Logan rolled off Veronica, apparently he would not be getting laid this morning. He hadn’t really forgotten about his best friend of yester years being in the other room. He’d just hoped he could ignore it for a while longer.
“We should get up then, maybe go out for breakfast or something.” Veronica got out of bed and reached for her dresser. Logan got out of bed as well.
The both pulled on jeans, staring at each other. They had been planning a trip up to Napa, a romantic little excursion that Logan had suggested at Christmas. Something to help them relax before they started their final semester of college. As Veronica pulled on a T-shirt with a shrimp and the words “I ain’t no shrimp” emblazoned on it, she realized they probably weren’t going to be able to go now. She’d really been looking forward to it.
“So maybe we should figure something out with Duncan. Like he can watch the house instead of Wallace while we’re gone this week?” Logan was afraid she was going to cancel their trip. He had plans for that trip, devious plans that her father would kill him for. They weren’t going to be able to relax for the next four and half months, finishing up college and preparing for graduation and life afterwards. He just needed a little time for it to be the two of them.
“That sounds like a great a idea, we should ask at breakfast. If he’s in town in must mean the charges were dropped. Otherwise he’d already have been arrested.” Veronica pulled off her shirt, she couldn’t talk seriously to Duncan while wearing a shrimp on her chest.
“Decide that we should stay in bed after all?” Logan reached for the hem of his own shirt as she reached for another shirt.
“No. Just decided on a less comedic look.” She pulled on the hot pink tank top, a boy-beater. Logan rolled his eyes and waited for the inevitable remark. The one she said every time she wore that shirt.
“Wanna wear you’re wife-beater and we can pretend to be Britney and Kevin part deux?” She waggled her eyebrows as she approached him, going up on her tip toes to kiss him.
“Pass. I like my green one, but I’ll wear matching trucker hats with you later if you want.” She giggled and he kissed her back.
There was a knock on their bedroom door and they pulled apart.
“Guys? I was thinking about getting breakfast. You wanna come?” Duncan’s voice came from the other side of the door, he sounded strained.
“Yeah, we were thinking the same thing.” Veronica answered as she swung open the door. She slipped into her flip-flops and left the room.
Logan silently prayed that everything would be okay, that Duncan wouldn't screw with the happiness they’d found.
~ * ~
They’d gone to Napa and spent most of the time in bed. Duncan had stayed at the house, making sure Dick didn’t sneak in and throw another party before they got back.
When they’d returned they found that Duncan had gotten Lilly back, who had been kept at the airport by child protective services. Jake and Celeste had finally taken care of the kidnapping charges and the Mannings. Duncan said that his parents lawyers had worked it out. Veronica suspected that there’d been an exchange of money.
Duncan settled into the guestroom for the time being. He was making arrangements with Neptune High to take the finals he’d missed in the classes he ditched after fleeing the country. Afterwards they agreed to give him a diploma instead of a GED, he’d be able to apply at Hearst after that. He planned to take an extra two courses every semester instead of just the regular four. If he could work it out to taking twenty credits per semester, and take summer classes, he should be able to graduate in two years, maybe two and half. It would be hard work and he’d have to hire a nanny to take care of Lilly, but he didn’t want to be too far behind Logan and Veronica and the rest of his friends.
He wasn’t looking for a house though, and that worried Logan.
“He can’t stay here with a baby, Veronica. We can’t have a baby in the house.” His voice hitched in panic. Valentine’s Day was a week away and he’d wanted have the house to themselves so they could celebrate properly. It’d be their first one together. They’d been broken up by Valentine’s Day freshman year, and he’d never got to be with her the way he’d wanted back then.
“She’s four Logan, hardly a baby. Or so she’s told me, a few times. And it’s only been a month, he’s been getting everything else lined up. Maybe a new house didn’t occur to him yet. I’ll talk to him if it makes you feel better, although I don’t know why you can’t do it yourself.” She was being more indulgent with him than she normally would be. Normally she’d make him go ask Duncan himself instead of making her do it. But he’d been more nervous lately, and she could see that he was scared that Duncan was going to take her away again.
“It’s better when you play the bad cop and I play the prisoner, remember?” his voice dropped low and seductive as he advanced on her.
“Well, we’ll role-play that another day. How about I play you and go talk to your best friend. And you can pretend to be a maid and clean up your clothes on the floor in here.” She slipped out of his arms and walked out of the bedroom.
~ * ~
Duncan finally moved out in March, right before Logan’s St. Patrick’s Day party. He moved into the next house over, placed to their right and still far too close for Logan’s comfort. For some reason he’d expected him to move into something in a more 09er area, closer to where he’d grown up. But when he’d come in a week ago and announced that he’d bought the beach house next door Logan’s stomach had dropped.
It was nearly the exact same floor plan as Logan and Veronica’s house. And when Duncan asked Veronica to help him decorate it, he’d gotten a little sicker. He didn’t know what Duncan was trying to do, but he didn’t like it. Veronica and Logan had redecorated the house in their style last summer, made it really their place. And when they’d gotten back together in October she’d redone their bedroom and the guestroom.
It was a three bedroom house, but she’d let Logan turn the third room into a game room, where the X-Box and other consoles were permanently set-up. She said that as long as she didn’t have to hear the beeping she didn’t care if he played. And it made it that much more fun when Heather came over for their “game dates”. She was thirteen now, and probably would stop coming soon. She liked to come over and hang out with him, Veronica would make cookies and play housewife. Heather would sit at the kitchen table and talk to Veronica about girlie stuff that Logan wasn’t allowed to hear. She had her own big sister but she like to pretend that Veronica was her sister too.
Duncan would be turning the third room into the nanny’s room. And Veronica had already agreed to help interview nannies. Veronica said it was just so she didn’t have to babysit, but Logan had a sneaking suspicion that she’d gotten attached to Lilly. Sometimes when Duncan was gone and Lilly was home with Veronica Logan would come home and catch Veronica with her. Once he’d found her in Duncan’s room leaning over her as she napped, staring at her face with concentration. He’d backed out of the doorway and gone through the house to slam the front door, let her know he was home. When he’d gone back through she’d been in the hall and promptly dragged him to the couch to make out, informing him that they were on Lilly duty for another hour.
They’d fought a few times about whether or not they were obligated to watch the four year old while Duncan was out making his life perfect again. Veronica always argued that he needed a little support from them, that’d he’d been all alone with Lilly for a long time. Logan’s argument was that Duncan was taking advantage, pushing Lilly at them too much.
It wasn’t that he didn’t like the little girl. He thought she was cute, a sweet girl that would probably only get sweeter when she grew up. Like her mom. The problem was he could see how Duncan used her as a tool to convince Veronica to do things, swayed her to his side. Veronica didn’t hang out with Wallace and Mac anymore unless they came to the house. Parker was coming over with Mac a lot and getting left behind when Dick came over and talked Mac into a movie. Logan saw how Parker leaned closer to Duncan, recognized her “flirt giggle”. He was intimately familiar with all the signs of Parker’s interest. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when he’d overheard her asking Veronica if Duncan had ever mentioned her. If there was any way Veronica could ask him. Veronica’s groan belied her agreement to do so, she hated playing love connection.
Logan couldn’t help but wonder why Parker always seemed to go after the guys in Veronica’s life. She’d liked Piz at first, asked Veronica to hook them up. Then she’d dated Logan. Then, the end of Sophomore year she finally started dating Piz. They didn’t last much longer than she and Logan had, breaking up with him for still being hung up on Veronica. That’d been beginning of Junior year and he didn’t think she’d seriously dated anyone since. He wondered if he should warn her against Duncan for that same reason. Duncan tried to hide it, and he seemed to be fooling everyone. Including Veronica. But it was obvious to Logan he still had a thing for her. After all, he did all the same things Logan himself had done when he’d seen Duncan with her Senior year of high school. Everything but the be really mean to her and call her a ho part. That was, in spite of everything, Logan’s trademark pining move.
~ * ~
Veronica made another big dinner for Easter, inviting everyone over. Piz couldn’t make it because him and Ashley were flying up to visit his parents. Keith and Kate had broken up a month earlier, much to Veronica’s glee. She’d been even happier to find out that he’d gotten back together with Wallace’s mom. Wallace would be there no matter what since his mom and brother would be there with Keith. Wallace said that Cassie would be coming later in the night, since she was having dinner with her parents. He told Veronica to make extra dessert, just in case.
Mac agreed to come if Dick was invited, even though she was making an appearance at both her parent’s house and the Sinclairs. Mrs. Sinclair had called her during Sophomore year and they’d started having weekly lunches together. This would be the first holiday that she’d been dropping by for, and Dick was going for emotional support. Though neither Veronica nor Logan could figure out how that worked. Still, Mac promised to get pictures of Madison’s face when she showed up. Veronica still had the camera-phone-photo of her face when they’d sat down and informed Madison that she was not, in fact, a real 09er.
Parker decided to attend due to the fact that she refused to go home to her parents. She’d been reluctant at first, thinking that it was just family, but agreed when Mac said she was going. She’d been even more excited when Veronica had agreed to Parker coming over early to help cook. She’d gushed when she’d gotten there at ten that morning. Saying something about the group being like a real family, coming together for holiday dinners. Veronica just rolled her eyes and handed her a potato peeler.
Duncan had been the last to arrive, and when Parker had seen him arrive she’d rushed right over and lifted Lilly out of his arms. Duncan gladly handed her off and went to the kitchen to steal food. Logan was feeling at ease for the first time since Duncan had shown up on New Year’s.
After dinner Duncan had taken Parker out back, sitting on the back porch for nearly fifteen minutes. Logan had thought that maybe Duncan was interested after all. He hadn’t acted like he was interested in her, but Logan hadn’t been until it’d been thrust upon him. Until he truly thought things were over with Veronica.
But Parker came in after that fifteen minutes and asked Mac for her keys. Mac handed them over saying Dick would drive her home.
Duncan stayed out there a few more minutes before he came back in. Everyone looked at him expectantly but it was Veronica he ushered into the kitchen for a private talk. They’d come back out a scant ten minutes later, but to Logan it had felt longer. He was back to feeling tense again and had to restrain himself from going in there at least three times. When they came back though, he mentioned Lilly’s bedtime and then left.
Keith and Alicia left a little while after Parker and Duncan, taking Darryl with them. Mac yawned loudly a few times, but it was when her eyes started drifting shut that Dick picked her up and took her to his car. Wallace and Cassie were already half way to their own cars before Dick’s tail-lights had disappeared. They had the apartment all to themselves for another night and wanted to take advantage.
Going back into the house, Logan finally asked the question he’d been dying to ask for the last hour.
“What happened between Duncan and Parker?”
“Duncan said he tried to let her down gently. Told her that he couldn’t be in a relationship right now. That he had to focus on Lilly and his future, their future.” Veronica was walking in front of him, stretching. He could tell she was tired and wanted to go to bed, but he didn’t want to let this go yet.
“Why?”
“Probably because he doesn’t want a relationship right now and wants to focus on Lilly and the future.” Veronica’s voice was annoyed now. “God Logan.”
“Wouldn’t finding somebody to be in a relationship with be including in the ‘focusing on the future’ thing? Most people see relationships in their futures, and I know that Duncan isn’t the ‘I never wanna get married’ type. He’s a relationship guy.” Logan needed to know, had to know what Duncan’s end-game was. Things were getting risky with Veronica, their relationship was on shaky ground with Duncan always there.
“I don’t know Logan. Maybe he sees a relationship in the future, just not with Parker. It’s too bad though, Parker does seem like Duncan’s type.”
“Why does she seem like Duncan’s type? Because she was my type?”
“What? That’s not what I meant. You and Duncan have the same physical type, yeah. But when it comes to the emotional stuff it’s different.” Veronica sounded pissed off now. Pissed and defensive.
“You know why he’s not interested in her right?” Veronica raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to continue. “He’s still in love with you. He’s in love with you and you either don’t see it or pretend not to see it.”
“You’re being stupid and insecure, Logan. Do you even hear yourself? Paranoid that your best friend is after your girlfriend.” She had been sitting at the edge of the bed before, now she was standing next to their bathroom door. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest, one hip cocked and her right foot tapping. It was a pose she effected when she was getting really angry.
“Don’t call me stupid, Veronica. I know what I’m saying and I know what I see him doing. He’s around all the time, just like he was that summer, stalking you at work. Now he’s stalking you at home and using Lilly to help him out. You look at Lilly and you see our Lilly. You see Meg. You lost them both and now you feel like you’ve gotten them back in a way. She’s your weak spot and he knows it.”
Logan was staring her down now, wouldn’t compromise this time. Wouldn’t let her keep pretending that Duncan was there as a just a friend and he wouldn’t keep pretending it didn’t bother him. He could see her thinking it over, looking at the facts. She usually had a hard time seeing the facts when they pertained to her. But when pointed out to her she could look back and see them more clearly. She could actually see them.
He saw the shift in her posture, slight but still visible. She was going to concede to his point this time. Let him win the fight.
“I didn’t mean to call you stupid. And maybe I have kind of been looking at Lilly as a replacement for Meg and our Lilly. I miss them both I guess, and when I look at Lilly she’s just… Sometimes when I babysit I watch her as she sleeps and try to find the Lilly parts and the Meg parts. I know she’s Duncan’s, but she seems more Meg’s to me. And she looks so much like our Lilly it’s a little scary sometimes.” Veronica looked on the verge of tears, and when Logan held his arms open to her she rushed to him. Buried her face in his chest and sighed.
“I didn’t see the way he was with me, didn’t see it. I’m sorry.” Logan held onto her tighter.
They’d get through Duncan this time. They had to.
~ * ~
The fight had started out small this time, seemingly harmless. But it grew to the point where Logan actually found himself banned from his own bedroom, restricted to the couch. He couldn’t even remember what he had said to her, but he could remember the look on her face. The look that usually meant that she was going to be getting revenge soon. The look that said you were going to find a bong in your locker later.
They had been arguing a little more since the Easter fight almost a month ago. Veronica had stopped spending time with Duncan and slipped back into their old routine. They had less sex though. Logan noticed that change.
He hadn’t expected to become the cliché, making a bed up on the couch after being kicked out of his own bed. He stood there staring at the couch and his pathetic little pillow and blanket. Why wasn’t he in the guestroom?
It never occurred to him to go in there, but it seemed too permanent, like he didn’t intend to come back. Too comfortable to be punishment for whatever it was that he said. What if Veronica changed her mind and came out to find him. If he was in the guestroom she wouldn’t worry about him being uncomfortable and just let him sleep in there. So he crawled into his make-shift bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying to get into a comfortable position he knew didn’t exist.
Like he’d be doing any sleeping anyway. It’d been so long since he slept alone that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to. Usually he had Veronica’s tiny little body curled into his, or he was spooned up behind her. He always fell asleep with her in his arms and woke up the same way.
“Logan?” Her voice sounded so little and she looked contrite when she appeared in the doorway.
“Yeah?” He leaned his head to the side to get a better view of her. She looked nervous standing in the doorway. She’d never been nervous with him before. Not even in high school when they hated each other. It was just one more recent development that made him hate Duncan a little more.
“I don’t want to sleep alone. Come back to bed.” Her voice sounded more tired than she had been before, and when he looked at her slumped shoulders he realized how tired she’d been looking lately.
He’d been focused on school and graduation lately, but he hadn’t realized how hard she was trying. She’d really been putting in an effort this time, really trying to be what he wanted. Cutting Duncan out was hard on her. It was hard on him too, but he couldn’t be around him without wanting to hit him. Veronica was doing it for him and he could see how much it strained her. It was straining their relationship and tonight’s fight proved it.
They’d been working out so well before Duncan came back, he didn’t want to let that go. But something wasn’t working now, and it had to do with Duncan. They never could find a way to be together when he was around. And it looked like they still couldn’t. They couldn’t seem to the flow of it.
Logan grabbed his pillow back up again and headed for the bedroom. He reached for Veronica, but she was just beyond his grasp, didn’t let him catch her. His heart dropped at that. She really just didn’t want to be alone. It had nothing to do with being without him.
He caught a glimpse of the watch she’d given him as he settled back into bed. It sat on his bedside table, shiny and mocking. Those words on the back might still be true, but he was feeling them less and less lately.
And that scared him.
~ * ~
She got accepted to the FBI academy two days before their graduation ceremony. Screamed when she’d read the letter and yelled for Logan. He didn’t come. He’d gone surfing with Dick further up shore today. There was no one around to hear her news. She tried her dad’s cell before she remembered his no contact rule for the time being. He and Alicia were staying at a hotel in San Diego and were incommunicado until Saturday when they returned for graduation. Wallace and Cassie had a whole romantic day planned. Mac was with Parker in LA, shopping for the perfect graduation dress. But she could see Duncan in his yard. He was home.
“Duncan!” She yelled from the back porch, getting his attention as she ran down the steps and across to his fence.
“Hey! It’s been a while. Guess you’ve been busy with finals and stuff huh?” he was looking at her expectantly. That’s when she knew he knew what was really going on. He knew that she had been avoiding him for Logan.
“Yeah, it’s been pretty hectic. In fact, this is the first time Logan’s been able to go surfing with Dick since it got warm enough.” She dug pulled the letter out of her back pocket, holding it up like a trophy. “I probably should have told Logan about this first, but I was just so excited and I can’t get him on his cell. I had to tell someone.”
Duncan reached for the letter as she pushed it forward, their hands brushed. The covered hers and held on a moment too long before he finally took the piece of paper. He unfolded it quickly and read over it. He smiled as his eyes darted back and forth over the paper.
“You’re going to be a fed huh? Congrats!” He looked up at her with that awe she had once wanted from Piz.
“Yep. Those commercials about the government wanting you, they were aimed at me. Uncle Sam wants me, and he wants to train me.” She joked lightly, a cold feeling in her stomach at the realization of what she was doing. Logan was going to be excited for her, and as long as he never found out she’d told Duncan first he wouldn’t be upset. He was still so sensitive about the Duncan issue. She couldn’t figure out how to prove to him that she didn’t want Duncan. He just seemed so insecure about it.
The phone was ringing back in the house.
“That’s our phone. Nobody ever calls it unless they’ve already called the cell…” She backed away and waved goodbye.
It was Mac and Parker. They’d been deep in conversation and locked the car keys in the trunk. Mac didn’t want to call anyone because she hadn’t renewed Triple A on her insurance yet. So Veronica grabbed her keys and drove to their apartment first. It was a good thing she had a key so she could get Mac’s spare car key.
She called and left Logan a voicemail. “Hey baby, I have to run up to LA and meet Parker and Mac. They locked the keys in the car. I probably won’t be back until late because we’ll probably get dinner before heading back. I’ll call you if I’m going to be any later than ten.”
With that she hung up and headed out of town.
~ * ~
Logan walked up the steps of the back porch, propping his surf board up against the house. He was hungry and Veronica wasn’t going to be home for dinner, so apparently it was pizza night.
“Hey Logan.”
He looked up to find Duncan standing at his fence, waving a little. He considered just waving back and going into the house. But he hadn’t talked to Duncan in a while, and maybe things were better now. Maybe Logan had been overreacting. He walked over to lean against Duncan’s fence.
“Hey man, how’s it going?” He tried to ignore how awkward this was. He knew Duncan was aware of the reason why they weren’t hanging out.
They made small talk for a while. Chatting about Lilly and finals and whether or not Logan was going to be able to take a job seriously.
“So are you going to follow Veronica to training? Or are you going to stay here? After all, it’s only four months.” Duncan said it casually, but Logan could hear something else in his voice. Something quite similar to arrogance.
“What are you talking about? Training?” Logan asked, thoroughly confused by Duncan’s questions. What was he talking about, four months?
“She got into the FBI academy, she’s going to be training in Virginia for four months.” Duncan said it so matter-of-factly that Logan couldn’t argue it. Couldn’t deny that it was most likely the truth. He couldn’t be lying, he was too confident.
“I didn’t… She didn’t tell me.” Logan tried not to let the hurt and disappointment seep into his voice. She hadn’t come to him first and that hurt. Hurt like she’d taken a knife to his gut. An ashtray to his head.
“Oh, well. Maybe she was just so excited, I mean she did just tell me today. But I figured she would have told you first.” Duncan said it as he looked back at his own house. “I think I hear Lilly. If you want to wait a minute…”
Logan shook his head, told him to go and that he’d seem him later. His head felt like it was spinning, he felt like he was going to throw up. She gone to Duncan and told him first. She’d been waiting to hear back on her application for a month now, and she’d gone to Duncan first instead of waiting for him to get home.
Duncan had been first, like always.
~ * ~
She found him sitting on the couch. No television, no stereo, no iPod. Just sitting there in the quiet with only one lamp in the corner on.
“Hey, what’s going on?” She asked him in a slightly scared voice. He was always melodramatic, but this was a little more dramatic than a bad surf day usually warranted.
“You got into the Academy.” He said it as a statement, no question about it. He knew it for a fact.
“How’d you know? I didn’t leave the letter, it’s in my purse…” When realization dawned on her it felt like she’d been punched in the face.
“Duncan.” The one word that always seemed to come between them.
They’d been able to get through everything else. Destroyed lives, murder accusations, rape, arson, abandonment, adultery, drunken decisions, Madison, slaps… Their past problems read like a list of sins. But it was his former best friend that did them in.
Veronica opened her mouth, but he cut her off.
“I’m going to stay in the guestroom tonight. When I get back.” He said the words as he stood from the couch.
“Where are you going?” Her voice was panicked and he could hear the tears coming. Felt them welling up in his own eyes.
“Out.”
~ * ~
He got back at one thirty, roughly four and a half hours he left and smelling of tequila. A black eye was forming and his lip was fat and bleeding.
“What happened?” Veronica asked as she rushed towards him. She’d been waiting up on the couch. Her hands were on his face in an instant, but he jerk away from her.
“Got drunk. Got in a fight. What does it look like?” He tried not to let his voice be so harsh, tried not to be so angry with her. He was hurting and it was her fault. He’d hoped that they wouldn't hurt each other this time, that they were done with that. But it seemed they couldn’t get away from it, they’d always hurt each other.
“A fight with who? Where were you?” She followed him down the hall to the guestroom.
“Duncan’s.” With that he shut the door to the room, leaving her out in the hall. She stood there for a moment, until she heard the click of the lock.
~ * ~
He didn’t emerge until around one the next afternoon. Nursing a hangover and the achy body one felt when they were in a fight that had him rolling around on the floor. He could have been up at eleven, but instead he’d lain in bed and remembered all the things Duncan had said to him last night. The words that had lead to the first punch.
“When did you stop being my best friend?” Logan asked from the front door. It was late, but Duncan was still up, reading on the couch.
“What?” He knew he should’ve locked the door, but he usually didn’t do it until he went to bed. Now he wished he’d locked the door after Lizzie had picked Lilly up. Then nanny was gone for a couple days since Lilly wasn’t going to be there.
“I said, when did you stop being my best friend? It wasn’t when you found out about me in Veronica. We were barely even speaking, even then. Was it when Lilly died? Or was it before then? We’d been best friends since summer camp when we were eight, I can remember that clearly. When it started. I just can’t remember when it ended, so I was hoping you could fill me in.”
“It ended when you got drunk and told me that you wanted her. That you’d wanted to ask her out instead of Lilly. But she’d been too perfect for you, she’d never say yes so you asked Lilly instead. We were fourteen, maybe fifteen. I can’t remember, but it was about a month into my relationship with Veronica.” Duncan answered without hesitation.
“So you just stopped? You stopped being my friend because I got drunk and stupid?” Logan was floored by the realization that the person he’d thought of as a brother had written him off so long ago.
“No I stopped because you got drunk and honest. It was only a matter of time before you made a play for her, before you and Lilly’s relationship imploded completely and you set your sights on Veronica again.” Duncan was still bitter about it, he could still remember the feeling of hearing that his best friend wanted Veronica.
“So you just shut down on me? Over something that might never have happened?” Logan shook his head in disbelief.
“It did happen though. And now you’re living with her and thinking that you’re what? Going to be together forever? That you’re not holding her back? You think you never ask her to be anyone but herself. But in the past month you’ve basically forbidden her to talk to me. And she did it for you, she’s become the girl you wanted back then. Docile and obedient. Good job.” Duncan’s comments were malicious and spiteful. And they hit their mark.
Logan felt the words hit him. It felt like shards of broken glass being lodged into his heart, a sharp pain. And he did what he always did when attacked like this. He pulled his right arm back, made a fist and launched it at Duncan’s face.
He hit him in the side of the face, connecting with his cheekbone.
Duncan stumbled back before launching at him, knocking him to the floor.
Veronica was waiting in the kitchen, looking like she hadn’t slept at all.
“Afternoon.” She said it apologetically, reaching out for him. He dodged her arms and went for the coffee.
“This isn’t working. Not anymore, and you’ll be gone soon. For four months. I was thinking I’d shut down the house, lock it up and travel a bit before I settled down in a career.” He was rushing through the words he’d practiced in his head last night before she’d gotten home. “It’ll be good for the both of us. Get some distance.”
“I don’t want distance.” She said it pleadingly, tears already falling.
“I think we need it. I need it. Maybe we were never supposed to last past college. Maybe we weren’t even supposed to make it after high school. But I can’t stay with you, wondering if you should be with Duncan, if you’d rather be with him. I love you, always will. I just can’t be with you. I have to stop being in love with you.”
He felt like he was choking. The words were literally choking him and he couldn’t breathe. This was the last thing he’d ever wanted. He needed her, always had and probably always will. But he needed to stop feeling like he wasn’t enough, and he needed to stop feeling this way. Needed to stop hurting.
“Is that really how you feel? Are you sure? Because there’s no more school after this. And when I leave for training and you go wherever it is that you’re going to go we won’t see each other. When you get arrested for drunk and disorderly my dad won’t be there to call me. So, are you sure?” Her voice broke over the words several times, and she barely got it all out. She couldn’t look at him now, couldn’t see the decision in his eyes. If he walked away now, if that was his decision, she’d break. She fall apart completely if she saw that in his eyes.
“Yes, this is what I want. How I feel.” He wanted to take the words back before he had even said them. It wasn’t what he wanted, wasn’t how he felt.
“Okay then.” She turned and walked out of the kitchen and he had to grab onto the counter top in order to stop himself from going after her. He heard the jingle of her keys and the front door slam.
The sobs came quickly, and he leaned against the counter, head between his outstretched arms. She was gone. Even though he knew she’d be back tonight to sleep. She’d be back for her stuff. But she was gone.
~ * ~
Logan missed her the morning of graduation. She’d somehow snuck in without him knowing last night. He’d been asleep on the couch, waiting for her when he woke up and noticed the light under her door was on. When he’d gone to the door he found it locked. She didn’t say anything when he tried to turn it, he assumed she was listening to her iPod.
He’d gone to his room to find the clothes she’d helped him pick out for graduation and a pair of boxers to sleep in. His toothbrush and couple other things he used in the morning were set on the dresser. He obviously wouldn’t be getting into their bedroom in the morning.
He caught a glimpse of her before graduation and then again when her name was called and she received her diploma. He didn’t stand and yell for her like he’d been planning on. He just sat there clapped while he watching their friends stand up and her dad yell from the seats.
He looked for her in the crowd outside, but Dick kept pulling him away. Mac was glaring at him, he could see the disappointment on her face. Veronica must have gone over to Mac and Parker’s place yesterday.
His theory was confirmed when he caught the glare Parker was giving him. She was standing next to Cassie, not paying attention to what the little brunette was saying.
He avoided going home afterwards, but refused to go to any parties. Dick was a little more considerate of this break-up than he had been Freshman year. He’d grown up a lot this last year, and that probably had something to do with Mac.
When Logan walked into the house that night he felt it immediately. She was gone. Completely gone.
He ran to their bedroom. His bedroom. Her side of the bed was cleared off. Her dresser drawers were open slightly and empty. Her side of the bathroom counter looked so bare it made his heart clench even tighter. And there, in the center of the bed was her key.
She was really gone.
But I know what I have done
Chapter 4.5:Almost Had It