thought about life

[princessdiva473]

I guess I am due for an update. I parked on Center Drive today and I walked up the hill to music school for studio time. I passed University Terrace. Everytime I do, I get this really weird feeling. I can't really explain it, but it's fascinating. It's almost like I think about a dream I had in the past. It reminds me how my life was perfect a year ago. I mean everyone used to visit me at this apartment--Sayako, Andrea, Alex, Nate, Jessica, Joe, Deanne, Freeman, Dan, Matt, etc. I love the roommates I have, don't get me wrong...but this apartment hasn't felt like home since I've moved in. UT felt like home. It wasn't the physicality. I mean it was UT--it had a unique scent,it was musty, i had a weird buggy inside my window, etc. Yet, I remember coming home from class everyday--Mellers would be reading in the living room and we would tell each other about our day. We would eat dinner and do homework. I would hear the Mario tune and it was "Lil Benny" calling my nextel and Mellers would be like ooo it's Dave. I had time to do everything. I made time for everyone. Everything just fit together. Today is the music therapy recital. I am watching it alone. I am going alone to it. It isn't me, Dave, Bekah, and her husband bringing up instruments. I did not get too involved this year...I did flowers with Andrea and Sayako--that's it. In any case, I went to studio, tied ribbons with Sayako, then I went back to my apartment and it hit me. I am alone. I am single. I am with no one. I am nobody's baby. No one is sitting next to me and me telling them that this is what I want to do with my life, this is why music. I miss my best friend. I miss waking up to him next to me. I wish I didn't have so many memories.

Now I journey alone...I am off to pursue the world and accomplish everything I want...by myself, with no help. It just doesn't seem right...it doesn't seem right to be alone in life. (I know don't even comment about friends and family bc that is different). I wonder where I go from here...where do I want to go for my internship? Where will I end up? Will I ever fall in love again? Will I go where I was meant to go? Will I do what I was meant to do? Will I be who I was meant to be?