(no subject)

[princessbaby3]

wow. . . i never thought it would happen. . . . chris must supposed to be a dad at an early age. ive heard form one of his friends he got some girl pregnant. i kinda fell bad for him but maybe now he wont threaten to kill himself if i don't talk to him claiming "you killed my kid and left me! i have nothing left to live for. . . " i kind of felt guilty and like i was obligated to still talk to him and pretend i still "loved" him. now i wont have to do that anymore and maybe i can actually date someone without him flipping out. i don't know if i said this or not but he went to adam's house to ask him if he had sex with me. he asked roi too. yeah cuz i sleep with people who are like pretty much my best friends. . . .not! that kind of upset me. and he tried to fight vinnie cuz he was told that i slept with vinnie which i did. . . in the same bed. . . . that doesn't automatically mean i had sex with him. anyways i was getting off subject. i actually feel bad for chris but he brought it upon himself i guess. maybe he should learn wut a condom is huh? oh well as long as he doens't lose his temper im sure he will be a good father. im glad he finally got his wish and i didn't have to help him with it. i think thats the first nice thing i've said about him since like june when we broke up fer good fer real. i miss having someone to care about me as much as he supposedly did but i don't miss him. he cheated on me and lied about and still lies about it like it makes a difference now. he finally admitted he let that girl give him head at meagans but they swear he had sex with her. but he says we weren't together at the time. he broke up with me in june and the next day i found him at the carnival with his ex. i found him with her again another time too. he took her out to belleville when nick d. lived out there. we got back together. we would break up for like 5 mnutes everyday and then i broke up with him in january and started "seeing" sum1 else. that ended and i was really really sick by this time and everyone thought i had a stomach ulser because i would puke 3-4 times a day but it was always just stomach acid. i went to the doctors and had a check up, had my blood drawn, even had an ultrasound and she couldn't figure out wut was wrong with me. well me and chris got back together in like early march (i think) and by then i hadn't had a period since december but that wasn't unusual for me because mine weren't regular. we were hanging out one day and i got sick. he asked me if i had my period recently and i finally told him no so him and pj went to go get a test for me and me n tiffany sat at pj's with ma and just waited for them to get back. they finally got back and i went and took it. me n tiffany walked in together and RIGHT as we walked in it flashed that ONE horrible word. . . p r e g n a n t . . . . i fell to the floor and just cried for like a half hour until the finally got me to come out and tell chris wut it said. he cried and left. i was like GREAT i haven't even had the kid yet and he's already walking out on me? he finally came back and told me he had to leave because he didn't want me to see him cry and think bad about it like he didn't want this. pj's mom and grandma both told me they would babysit so i could finish school. if only my mom had been that supportive. she was pissed! she sent me off to stay with my aunt so she could talk to me. they convinced me having an abortion was the best thing. me n chris didn't love eachother like we thought we couldn't even support ourselves, let alone a child. i seriously don't care wut anyone has to say about this. if u want to put me down for having an abortion go right on ahead because u don't know wut it's like until ur in that situation! i kill myself everyday regreting it!i mean i know it was sort of the right thing to do but still it just bothers me. well anyways we were together after that until june 4th when i broke up with him for good cuz he got into a fight with me about getting my belly button pierced. he got mad cuz i wanted to go get it done instead of goin out to eat with him and his mom who hates my guts! no thanks im good! he used to call me all the time telling me he loves me and wants to get back togetherand he bought me "600 dollar" earrings for christmas. i dunno im just kinda glad im done with all that almost 2 years later. . . . April 11, 2003- January 28, 2005 i am officially done fer good! i don't even want to talk to him again. congrats n hope everything works out with u on becoming a dad. im done this is my goodbye to you. i will always have a special place in my heart for u but as time has gone by it has gotten smaller. eventually u will forget about me and i will forget about u. but we will never forget *her*. goodbye for good.

wow so that kind of turned into a *me spilling out my guts and not caring wut anyone thinks of it* no one knows about our relationship. they don't know the ups and downs we went through.

anyways. . . . im sitting here trying to waste time until nick gets home. we *might* hang out but i doubt it again. . . . .it doesn't really bother me thought. .. i know he wants to hang out he just is really bad with planning. . . he'll have to work on that lol. well i don't really feel like typing anymore so im gonna go fer now <3

<3