Still not sure...?
I haven't written in forever...
Let's see since I have last wrote...Rob & I did the up & down rollarcoaster most of the summer. He would decide that he couldn't see me b/c he needed to meet other chicks & he couldn't do that if I was apart of his life. But then for some reason he would call me. Right before I went back to school for my senior yr. things were going OK. Oh yea...we finally did the deed in July. It only took 7 mo. In Sept. I started my senior yr. So far things are going OK. I guess I would be more focused & whatever if Rob didn't always decide to do the up & down rollarcoaster w/ me. But I deal the best I can! My classes are going well! I really want to make Dean's List this semester & next b/c if I do, I'll get Maroon Key!!! I feel as though its over already...we register for Spring semester this wk. Then we have Thanksgiving break & then x-mas break...then one semester (which to me, they go by fast) then I'm done. That's crazy...I'm almost done w/ college; I never would have thought I'd make it through. My plans right now is to some how get into P & P in Brattleboro (but not sure if that will happen) or P & P (Probation & Proale) somewhere. In Feb. (if I am ready) I'm going to take the LSAT's & apply to Law School. Hopefully either before I graduate (if I decide to not live on campus next semester) or in May when I graduate Rob & I can get a place together. My mom is having surgery during my x-mas break, so I have to be around to help her.
Let's see Rob broke his hand the wkend before his b-day. He hadn't drank in a long time & finally decided to not hangout w/ me & went to a friend's house & got drunk & punched a steel door. He had to stop working for 4-6 wks. He said that I was his "best friend" & would really need me the next few wks. So things started going really well between us. But then he started partying w/ his friends again, which is fine. I just hate that I can't go w/ him sometimes, but that's bring sand to the beach. Although, one wkend he actually brought sand to the beach (but there weren't any hott girls there) so I guess it was OK to bring me w/ him. So lately I only see him when he gets home in the early morn. hrs. after drinking...for a booty call. But whatever it works for me...b/c I love the sex:) Then last wk he brings up that he met a girl named "Billy" & I guess he wants to drive her car...so I hope that's all it really is. But this is where he confuses the fuck out of me. I don't know if he really likes me or not? If he wants me to just wait around or just be there when he wants/needs me to be there or if he wants me to forget about him? But I will never forget about him, he's always on my mind. I love him. I would do anything I could for him...I'll always be there for him. I just hate having to wait & see what happens. Oh yea, one time when I was at Ant's house w/ him...I heard him tell Camron that he only needs a place big enough for him & me (I'm assuming) when I graduate in May. So that confuses me too? Maybe I do too much for him & I shouldn't b/c I have created a monster. He knows that I'll jump whenever he wants to see me. So many ppl tell me to just say no, but its so hard for me b/c I want to see him...& I usually only get to see him once or twice a wk. He's my weakness in life. I went to MD w/ him for his mom's b-day...it was OK. I had so much fun w/ his fam. Esp. his grandfather...he's cool shit! I just wish he would open up to me. He also hates that I'm more like a boy than a girl. But I can't help my burping & swearing...that's who I am...other ppl don't like it either, but fuck that's me. So last night Krys & I decided that he does like me & have feelings for me, but he's scared b/c he usually doesn't like girls like me & that is maybe hard for him to deal w/...& Mandi fucked him up, too. He always says he doesn't trust chicks & that he will never love anybody again...he doesn't care anymore. I hope that's not true...& I don't know how to make him see that I will not cheat on him...He's all I want. He's been back in VT for 10 mo. & I still haven't tried or wanted to get w/ anybody...b/c I want him (ONLY). So as I say lately...all I can do is take it day by day...there's nothing else I can do...I hate that, but I've done enough where he should know that I love him & he means the world to me. I just don't know how he really feels about me...& sometimes feel as though I never will.
Anyway...its 3am & I really should have been in bed 2 hrs. ago, but I was trying to get some HW done & I did...not as much as I would have liked, but I got some done...thats all that matters. But I have a wicked headache.
~Natasha~
Let's see since I have last wrote...Rob & I did the up & down rollarcoaster most of the summer. He would decide that he couldn't see me b/c he needed to meet other chicks & he couldn't do that if I was apart of his life. But then for some reason he would call me. Right before I went back to school for my senior yr. things were going OK. Oh yea...we finally did the deed in July. It only took 7 mo. In Sept. I started my senior yr. So far things are going OK. I guess I would be more focused & whatever if Rob didn't always decide to do the up & down rollarcoaster w/ me. But I deal the best I can! My classes are going well! I really want to make Dean's List this semester & next b/c if I do, I'll get Maroon Key!!! I feel as though its over already...we register for Spring semester this wk. Then we have Thanksgiving break & then x-mas break...then one semester (which to me, they go by fast) then I'm done. That's crazy...I'm almost done w/ college; I never would have thought I'd make it through. My plans right now is to some how get into P & P in Brattleboro (but not sure if that will happen) or P & P (Probation & Proale) somewhere. In Feb. (if I am ready) I'm going to take the LSAT's & apply to Law School. Hopefully either before I graduate (if I decide to not live on campus next semester) or in May when I graduate Rob & I can get a place together. My mom is having surgery during my x-mas break, so I have to be around to help her.
Let's see Rob broke his hand the wkend before his b-day. He hadn't drank in a long time & finally decided to not hangout w/ me & went to a friend's house & got drunk & punched a steel door. He had to stop working for 4-6 wks. He said that I was his "best friend" & would really need me the next few wks. So things started going really well between us. But then he started partying w/ his friends again, which is fine. I just hate that I can't go w/ him sometimes, but that's bring sand to the beach. Although, one wkend he actually brought sand to the beach (but there weren't any hott girls there) so I guess it was OK to bring me w/ him. So lately I only see him when he gets home in the early morn. hrs. after drinking...for a booty call. But whatever it works for me...b/c I love the sex:) Then last wk he brings up that he met a girl named "Billy" & I guess he wants to drive her car...so I hope that's all it really is. But this is where he confuses the fuck out of me. I don't know if he really likes me or not? If he wants me to just wait around or just be there when he wants/needs me to be there or if he wants me to forget about him? But I will never forget about him, he's always on my mind. I love him. I would do anything I could for him...I'll always be there for him. I just hate having to wait & see what happens. Oh yea, one time when I was at Ant's house w/ him...I heard him tell Camron that he only needs a place big enough for him & me (I'm assuming) when I graduate in May. So that confuses me too? Maybe I do too much for him & I shouldn't b/c I have created a monster. He knows that I'll jump whenever he wants to see me. So many ppl tell me to just say no, but its so hard for me b/c I want to see him...& I usually only get to see him once or twice a wk. He's my weakness in life. I went to MD w/ him for his mom's b-day...it was OK. I had so much fun w/ his fam. Esp. his grandfather...he's cool shit! I just wish he would open up to me. He also hates that I'm more like a boy than a girl. But I can't help my burping & swearing...that's who I am...other ppl don't like it either, but fuck that's me. So last night Krys & I decided that he does like me & have feelings for me, but he's scared b/c he usually doesn't like girls like me & that is maybe hard for him to deal w/...& Mandi fucked him up, too. He always says he doesn't trust chicks & that he will never love anybody again...he doesn't care anymore. I hope that's not true...& I don't know how to make him see that I will not cheat on him...He's all I want. He's been back in VT for 10 mo. & I still haven't tried or wanted to get w/ anybody...b/c I want him (ONLY). So as I say lately...all I can do is take it day by day...there's nothing else I can do...I hate that, but I've done enough where he should know that I love him & he means the world to me. I just don't know how he really feels about me...& sometimes feel as though I never will.
Anyway...its 3am & I really should have been in bed 2 hrs. ago, but I was trying to get some HW done & I did...not as much as I would have liked, but I got some done...thats all that matters. But I have a wicked headache.
~Natasha~