Arg
Great news! In just two short months I will be living in Orlando.
Words cannot describe how happy I am to finally leave this shit-hole of a town and my mother's house above all else. Simply put, my mother and I do not get along. Her personality is so grating I'd rather shoot myself in the face than have to talk to her, but I still do. She makes sure of that. And just about every conversation with her is about the same: she nags and complains and makes me feel guilty about something until I either block her out completely or end up screaming at her. I know. I know. She's my mother. She's the reason I'm even here, but if I didn't know any better I'd think I was switched at birth. My mother is everything I strive not to be. My aunt - her sister - actually was the one who I always secretly wished was my mother instead. My aunt and I always seemed on the same wave-length of crazy and so we got along amazingly well. Her brand of parenting was completely different, which always made me wonder how two sisters from the same parents could end up raising their children with such contrasting attitudes.
So back to the point. I'm moving in with Jon. Even though we broke up last October we've become best friends since then. Well, we were best friends while we were dating but when I broke up with him I was pretty much done, but with a bit of communication on my part and his relentless pestering we're now closer than we've ever been. The only real difference between how we were before we broke up and how we are now is that we don't have a physical relationship. The attraction just isn't there for me anymore, and I don't know if it will ever come back. It is kind of sad, and I do wish I could change that but that isn't something I have any control over.
So, I've been having my fun elsewhere, which does bother him despite how many times I remind him that I'm single, and he still wants to move in with me. He swears he's not doing this to get back with me, and I'm terrified that I'll somehow let him down. I'm still willing to give this a shot.
We were originally going to get a 3 bedroom apartment so that Lily, myself and Jon could each have our own rooms, but we found a great deal on a two-bedroom place that we couldn't pass up. So the only real problem is trying to figure out what to do with living arrangements. Lily's dad had requested primary custody of her and while it kills me I know he is in a better position than I on so many levels. My life is completely manic but he can provide the stability she needs. We talked tonight and I think we're going to go with him keeping her during the week and I'd get her every weekend. We can iron out the details later, but at least that way she can stay in the same school and I'll be able to work without worrying about after-school care. I think it's for the best, for now at least.
Now here's the part that makes me want to tear my hair out:
My mother just asked me to give her a set schedule to see Lily. She wants to keep Lily every other weekend. Meaning she wants me to give up even more time with my daughter. What!? I seriously think not. Really. My time spent with her is already going down to two days a week, so she essentially wants to cut my time with my own daughter in half. I told her that she can talk to Lily's dad about maybe taking some weeknights but I'm not going to just give my mother custody rights for every other fucking weekend (can you tell I'm a little passionate about this?). And now she's seriously upset asking "You're going to make me talk to my ex-son-in-law just to see my own granddaughter?"
"YES!"
I honestly can't get out of this place fast enough.
Words cannot describe how happy I am to finally leave this shit-hole of a town and my mother's house above all else. Simply put, my mother and I do not get along. Her personality is so grating I'd rather shoot myself in the face than have to talk to her, but I still do. She makes sure of that. And just about every conversation with her is about the same: she nags and complains and makes me feel guilty about something until I either block her out completely or end up screaming at her. I know. I know. She's my mother. She's the reason I'm even here, but if I didn't know any better I'd think I was switched at birth. My mother is everything I strive not to be. My aunt - her sister - actually was the one who I always secretly wished was my mother instead. My aunt and I always seemed on the same wave-length of crazy and so we got along amazingly well. Her brand of parenting was completely different, which always made me wonder how two sisters from the same parents could end up raising their children with such contrasting attitudes.
So back to the point. I'm moving in with Jon. Even though we broke up last October we've become best friends since then. Well, we were best friends while we were dating but when I broke up with him I was pretty much done, but with a bit of communication on my part and his relentless pestering we're now closer than we've ever been. The only real difference between how we were before we broke up and how we are now is that we don't have a physical relationship. The attraction just isn't there for me anymore, and I don't know if it will ever come back. It is kind of sad, and I do wish I could change that but that isn't something I have any control over.
So, I've been having my fun elsewhere, which does bother him despite how many times I remind him that I'm single, and he still wants to move in with me. He swears he's not doing this to get back with me, and I'm terrified that I'll somehow let him down. I'm still willing to give this a shot.
We were originally going to get a 3 bedroom apartment so that Lily, myself and Jon could each have our own rooms, but we found a great deal on a two-bedroom place that we couldn't pass up. So the only real problem is trying to figure out what to do with living arrangements. Lily's dad had requested primary custody of her and while it kills me I know he is in a better position than I on so many levels. My life is completely manic but he can provide the stability she needs. We talked tonight and I think we're going to go with him keeping her during the week and I'd get her every weekend. We can iron out the details later, but at least that way she can stay in the same school and I'll be able to work without worrying about after-school care. I think it's for the best, for now at least.
Now here's the part that makes me want to tear my hair out:
My mother just asked me to give her a set schedule to see Lily. She wants to keep Lily every other weekend. Meaning she wants me to give up even more time with my daughter. What!? I seriously think not. Really. My time spent with her is already going down to two days a week, so she essentially wants to cut my time with my own daughter in half. I told her that she can talk to Lily's dad about maybe taking some weeknights but I'm not going to just give my mother custody rights for every other fucking weekend (can you tell I'm a little passionate about this?). And now she's seriously upset asking "You're going to make me talk to my ex-son-in-law just to see my own granddaughter?"
"YES!"
I honestly can't get out of this place fast enough.