Still prego
Hi.
I'm still here. Just quiet. And this morning, I felt like I just needed a place to vent. So here goes...
I'm still pregnant. I'm not *un*happy about it, I'm just kinda tired of being on this precipice. Caught somewhere between being a mom and resembling a shetland pony. I'm too much of a control freak to not know what is going on with my body, my baby, my life. I woke up this morning and cried in the shower because I don't want to go to work. I didn't think I'd have to today. I thought I'd be home by now.
I know, I should be happier. I'm healthy, baby is healthy. Bryan is a total saint for everything he's done, all the chores he's picked up, all the work he's doing. Maybe that's part of it. I feel like a slug. I don't have the energy to do anything right now, and being on my feet for more than thirty minutes causes me to ache so bad. Bry's literally doing everything from the dishes to the laundry to grocery shopping, while I sit. Or lay. Or do nothing at all. My floors need washed and I can barely tie my shoes.
It also feels like everyone else is having babies. Seriously over a dozen in the past 24 weeks alone. I'm struggling to not be totally depressed. And people are being very nice about it, "Yours just needs to be cooked a little longer." "Once you're holding that baby, this won't matter." "You're technically not even really due until the 25th, right? So why be so upset now?"
Laura & Nick had Olivia
Sara & Nick had Chase
Resa & Chuck had Nolan
Jeff & Cindy had Sophia
Garza & John had Xander
Dan & Jenny had Autumn
Rodney & Julie had James
The four Lamaze babies: Tristan
Gabriel
Thomas
Grace
Erin's friend Emily had hers
Carla & Jimmy had Vincent
...and I'm sure I'm missing some
Last week I was nearly 3 cm dilated and was 75% effaced. I ache. I'm tired. I feel like my internal organs are bruised (and probably are.) My hormones are totally out of whack. I have another appointment tomorrow morning and I'm hoping beyond hope that they'll tell me to just go in and they'll hit me with Cervadil or something. Bry's dad is in town and has made it pretty clear that they are heading back to Colorado on Saturday and won't be back for months. It's not like they are pressuring me to have the baby, but I feel like I'm letting Bry down that he won't be able to show his dad his new grandson/granddaughter.
We went and got amazing "belly pictures" done, so pretty you could just weep. What we didn't realize was that it would take them six weeks to get done. By then, I'll definately have this kid, and really no one wants to see pictures of you still pregnant when you've got a kid to look at. Also, they were a fortune for us to get prints, but we ordered a few special for the grandmas-to-be just to find out that Bry's mom thinks even the idea of belly pictures is "totally gross and EEEWWW" and that "no one wants to see that!" and they should "cover that up." (One of the cousins had them done, they circulated the family via email and the MIL forwarded them with her comments. So at least I know and won't give her the framed 5x7 we ordered for her.)
I'm lonely. I can't leave my house because I can't drive and even when people do come over, I fall asleep by 8 most nights. The Blaskes came by on Friday, I went to bed. Curt came up yesterday, which was great, but I got to see him for like, an hour or two. Sunday was nice, Steve got a few people to come over to play Rock Band, but again... I was out early.
Compound all of this with how totally impossibly hard my job is right now and you get a mess of a Sarah. I'm just tired of waiting. Tired of not being able to make plans because I don't know when anything is going to happen. Tired of having no energy and feeling like a flabby whale of misery.
bitch-bitch-bitch moan-moan-moan
Ok I'm done.
I'm still here. Just quiet. And this morning, I felt like I just needed a place to vent. So here goes...
I'm still pregnant. I'm not *un*happy about it, I'm just kinda tired of being on this precipice. Caught somewhere between being a mom and resembling a shetland pony. I'm too much of a control freak to not know what is going on with my body, my baby, my life. I woke up this morning and cried in the shower because I don't want to go to work. I didn't think I'd have to today. I thought I'd be home by now.
I know, I should be happier. I'm healthy, baby is healthy. Bryan is a total saint for everything he's done, all the chores he's picked up, all the work he's doing. Maybe that's part of it. I feel like a slug. I don't have the energy to do anything right now, and being on my feet for more than thirty minutes causes me to ache so bad. Bry's literally doing everything from the dishes to the laundry to grocery shopping, while I sit. Or lay. Or do nothing at all. My floors need washed and I can barely tie my shoes.
It also feels like everyone else is having babies. Seriously over a dozen in the past 24 weeks alone. I'm struggling to not be totally depressed. And people are being very nice about it, "Yours just needs to be cooked a little longer." "Once you're holding that baby, this won't matter." "You're technically not even really due until the 25th, right? So why be so upset now?"
Laura & Nick had Olivia
Sara & Nick had Chase
Resa & Chuck had Nolan
Jeff & Cindy had Sophia
Garza & John had Xander
Dan & Jenny had Autumn
Rodney & Julie had James
The four Lamaze babies: Tristan
Gabriel
Thomas
Grace
Erin's friend Emily had hers
Carla & Jimmy had Vincent
...and I'm sure I'm missing some
Last week I was nearly 3 cm dilated and was 75% effaced. I ache. I'm tired. I feel like my internal organs are bruised (and probably are.) My hormones are totally out of whack. I have another appointment tomorrow morning and I'm hoping beyond hope that they'll tell me to just go in and they'll hit me with Cervadil or something. Bry's dad is in town and has made it pretty clear that they are heading back to Colorado on Saturday and won't be back for months. It's not like they are pressuring me to have the baby, but I feel like I'm letting Bry down that he won't be able to show his dad his new grandson/granddaughter.
We went and got amazing "belly pictures" done, so pretty you could just weep. What we didn't realize was that it would take them six weeks to get done. By then, I'll definately have this kid, and really no one wants to see pictures of you still pregnant when you've got a kid to look at. Also, they were a fortune for us to get prints, but we ordered a few special for the grandmas-to-be just to find out that Bry's mom thinks even the idea of belly pictures is "totally gross and EEEWWW" and that "no one wants to see that!" and they should "cover that up." (One of the cousins had them done, they circulated the family via email and the MIL forwarded them with her comments. So at least I know and won't give her the framed 5x7 we ordered for her.)
I'm lonely. I can't leave my house because I can't drive and even when people do come over, I fall asleep by 8 most nights. The Blaskes came by on Friday, I went to bed. Curt came up yesterday, which was great, but I got to see him for like, an hour or two. Sunday was nice, Steve got a few people to come over to play Rock Band, but again... I was out early.
Compound all of this with how totally impossibly hard my job is right now and you get a mess of a Sarah. I'm just tired of waiting. Tired of not being able to make plans because I don't know when anything is going to happen. Tired of having no energy and feeling like a flabby whale of misery.
bitch-bitch-bitch moan-moan-moan
Ok I'm done.