The Quantum Leap of Life
I have had many experiences lately that have made me realize how frail life really is. Hitting a deer with my car and literally exploding its head, watching a squirrel run out into the middle of the street and get crushed with barely a flinch from the person driving the car that ran over it, and a collection of people I know that have died for essentially no reason at all.
A few weeks ago I was driving back from Peoria late at night with a friend of mine. I ended up hitting a deer which resulted in myself and my friend getting quite a shock, about $2700 in damage to my car, and in the presumable death of a deer that simply was in the wrong place at the wrong time. What sense does that make? I got the ever loving shit scared out of me. Progressive had to pay a bunch of money to get my headlight, hood, front quarter panel and rear quarter panel repaired. But the deer got the worst of it, in being stripped of the one thing that does not go away with time and cannot be fixed. A few hours after the incident, I had calmed down. A few weeks after, my car was as good as new. But that deer, it is still in the same situation it was the second after it met an untimely demise at the hands of my otherwise very animal friendly car.
A few people have died recently that for all intents and purposes should not have. One of my cousins went to sleep one night and didn't wake up the next day. That's it. One night he went to sleep, probably thinking about all the stuff he had to do the next day. Stopping at the bank, dropping off the mail, and vacuuming the living room. And the next morning he didn't wake up. I think sleep apnea is the official term. When you are sleeping, your body automatically reminds itself to breathe. Only this time, this night it didn't. And in the blink of an eye that a night's sleep sometimes feels like, his life was gone. His kids and his dad left behind to ponder why. As if there even is a 'why.'
Two months ago my best friend's aunt was fine. She was active, she was healthy, she was happy. And then she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder. It was too late to do anything about it. And eight short weeks later, she was dead. With barely enough time to even register the complexity and shock of the situation, her family went from going out to eat with her and spending time at home watching TV to arranging for her funeral. Two months.
I don't really know what I am saying or what my point is. It's not "Oh we should never drive," "Our existence is hurting nature and the environment," or any other bullshit like that. I think it is just that with airbags, and doctors with medicine, and the latest, greatest herbal development that is available at your local GNC for a nominal fee we seem to have lost some appreciation of just how truly delicate and fragile life can be.
And yet, we still smoke and drink and eat poorly and don't get enough sleep at night. We drive too fast and don't wear our seatbelts. Why do we have this assumption of immortality? These things might happen to other people, but they will never happen to us. And even when they do happen to people that are close to us, our thinking and actions are only changed for a short amount of time. And then, once the shock and fear and unbelievability has worn off, we go right back to our old ways, hoping that the next person something like that happens to will be someone, anyone other than ourselves. And the whole way through, we concern ourselves with the stupid, unimportant details. We don't tell the people that matter the most how much we love them. We spend time watching America's Funniest Home Videos and playing Grand Theft Auto instead of reading a book. We eat a Big Mac instead of running a mile.
It almost provokes the larger question of what life is really about. What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? I don't know if I have ever heard what I would consider to be a really good answer to that question. I have heard lots of answers that seem to try to fill that void. Family and love and happiness. We should leave the world a better place than we found it. I definitely think that these are all good things that people should strive for, but are they the end-all be-all? What happens when you have a great family, are filled with love, and are happy? Then what? Sure, the world is a better place than it was before you, but you are still gone.
I don't know what I want the answer to be. I'm not asking for life to be a regimented game with specific rules and a certain amount of time, then the possibility of overtime if there is a tie at the end of regulation. But it might be nice sometimes if there was some way of keeping score. And I'm not talking about money and cars and houses. 'The one who dies with the most toys still dies.' I'm talking about a way of gauging how we are doing. But I suppose that if there is no agreement on what the end goal is, then it is pretty difficult to be able to measure how close we are to accomplishing that goal.
And so we are left with the same struggle. The catch-22 of being locked in this hustle of competing with ourselves and each other while no one really knows what they are doing. But, of course, you cannot for one second let anyone else know that you have no clue what you are doing. That might give them an advantage. They might get the upper hand in winning this game that no one can define. So we trudge on stuck in this Quantum Leap of Life, hoping that tomorrow or next month or next year we will have a better handle on it than we do today. Anybody feel like they are making any progress?
A few weeks ago I was driving back from Peoria late at night with a friend of mine. I ended up hitting a deer which resulted in myself and my friend getting quite a shock, about $2700 in damage to my car, and in the presumable death of a deer that simply was in the wrong place at the wrong time. What sense does that make? I got the ever loving shit scared out of me. Progressive had to pay a bunch of money to get my headlight, hood, front quarter panel and rear quarter panel repaired. But the deer got the worst of it, in being stripped of the one thing that does not go away with time and cannot be fixed. A few hours after the incident, I had calmed down. A few weeks after, my car was as good as new. But that deer, it is still in the same situation it was the second after it met an untimely demise at the hands of my otherwise very animal friendly car.
A few people have died recently that for all intents and purposes should not have. One of my cousins went to sleep one night and didn't wake up the next day. That's it. One night he went to sleep, probably thinking about all the stuff he had to do the next day. Stopping at the bank, dropping off the mail, and vacuuming the living room. And the next morning he didn't wake up. I think sleep apnea is the official term. When you are sleeping, your body automatically reminds itself to breathe. Only this time, this night it didn't. And in the blink of an eye that a night's sleep sometimes feels like, his life was gone. His kids and his dad left behind to ponder why. As if there even is a 'why.'
Two months ago my best friend's aunt was fine. She was active, she was healthy, she was happy. And then she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder. It was too late to do anything about it. And eight short weeks later, she was dead. With barely enough time to even register the complexity and shock of the situation, her family went from going out to eat with her and spending time at home watching TV to arranging for her funeral. Two months.
I don't really know what I am saying or what my point is. It's not "Oh we should never drive," "Our existence is hurting nature and the environment," or any other bullshit like that. I think it is just that with airbags, and doctors with medicine, and the latest, greatest herbal development that is available at your local GNC for a nominal fee we seem to have lost some appreciation of just how truly delicate and fragile life can be.
And yet, we still smoke and drink and eat poorly and don't get enough sleep at night. We drive too fast and don't wear our seatbelts. Why do we have this assumption of immortality? These things might happen to other people, but they will never happen to us. And even when they do happen to people that are close to us, our thinking and actions are only changed for a short amount of time. And then, once the shock and fear and unbelievability has worn off, we go right back to our old ways, hoping that the next person something like that happens to will be someone, anyone other than ourselves. And the whole way through, we concern ourselves with the stupid, unimportant details. We don't tell the people that matter the most how much we love them. We spend time watching America's Funniest Home Videos and playing Grand Theft Auto instead of reading a book. We eat a Big Mac instead of running a mile.
It almost provokes the larger question of what life is really about. What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? I don't know if I have ever heard what I would consider to be a really good answer to that question. I have heard lots of answers that seem to try to fill that void. Family and love and happiness. We should leave the world a better place than we found it. I definitely think that these are all good things that people should strive for, but are they the end-all be-all? What happens when you have a great family, are filled with love, and are happy? Then what? Sure, the world is a better place than it was before you, but you are still gone.
I don't know what I want the answer to be. I'm not asking for life to be a regimented game with specific rules and a certain amount of time, then the possibility of overtime if there is a tie at the end of regulation. But it might be nice sometimes if there was some way of keeping score. And I'm not talking about money and cars and houses. 'The one who dies with the most toys still dies.' I'm talking about a way of gauging how we are doing. But I suppose that if there is no agreement on what the end goal is, then it is pretty difficult to be able to measure how close we are to accomplishing that goal.
And so we are left with the same struggle. The catch-22 of being locked in this hustle of competing with ourselves and each other while no one really knows what they are doing. But, of course, you cannot for one second let anyone else know that you have no clue what you are doing. That might give them an advantage. They might get the upper hand in winning this game that no one can define. So we trudge on stuck in this Quantum Leap of Life, hoping that tomorrow or next month or next year we will have a better handle on it than we do today. Anybody feel like they are making any progress?