blahh!
a deeper post than usual......one of the better weekends of my life..speant all with the girl of my dreams...if you read this dont trip out please dont tripp out...wierd time and thoughts and stuff so yeah.......
is my love misguided? worst yet wasted? the night of my dreams... beautifull speant with her still i feal empty...lost in the dark searching for the light, candle in hand but nothing to light it with...how do i find myself...ive closed my eyes searched my soul... i cant even find that and if i cant find my soul.... what chance do i have of doing anything...this weekend was awesome yes indeed...but why do i still feal that she doesnt even care i exist or that i'm here... or that i even have fealings for her thats how i feal.. i thought that this weekend would make all that go away.. to hold her again like we used to after we first met... ive been told the light is only truely apreciated after bing lost deep in the shadows.... a kiss sent a flash of light through my world of shadows and all i could see was a deeper black what kind of sign should that be for me?? to have the light but only see black? why do i even feal this way?? i dont know all i can do is write it down get it out of me soo many things on my mind.... the shadows are almost comforting i never thought id say that ever again... i remember the times when i could tell that to myself and i was perfecty happy deep in the darkness...but why??? why now?? everything was looking up...everything was getting better.. to even see her would make me see a fleeting glimpse of the light i soo crave for... i hate being so down god damnit!!!!!!! i know i love her i feal it in me in a heart that is gone, a soul that is lost in the darknes... i dunno why i'm even posting this here ..its the only place left for me i guess... my sorry cry out to the cutter i swore i'd never pick up a blade in that way again and ive been doing good real fucking good too... i'm still doing my best focusing into other things i promised one of teh few ppl that might care id stop my cutting and i did i dunno about tham but i did quit my other bad habits and yes i met her... first time i met a girl in the front of my friends house...it was raining and cool outside...we talked about crashing my friends big ceremony with heavy metal bands and a giant mosh pit.....haha it was the perfect way and the perfect time....dropped by sumone who told you " i love you" soo many times and no exucuse for the sudden i "dont need you anymore" pefect time to meet her...almost got to go ice skating sumthing came up..got her number called her once or twice and teh party was the spark that it all needed...now ifeal as she might not even care... i dont even ever remmeber hearing the few words...that even the toughest blankest stone hard guys die to hear..
and again i come to my question for myself is my love misguided or even wasted?? i feal its not and i feal it might be...all i need is one sign all i need to do is just see what happens...i hate waiting i hate standing by the wayside.. it aggrivates me to the utmost...... i sit here confused..stone hard... and just in the dark like always it sucks soo bad to be here again i thought it would get better by this weekend i knew it would..... i guess i was wrong like i always am..my sad pathetic self ...just alone sumtimes i feal as i should just give it up ya know?? i sumtimes wish it were possible... i used to tell myself love was icing on a cake...but after you have that u need it to feal right and when its gone.... you need it to give you the support and shit you need to forget that life sucks...everything about it sucks
everything
close you mouth and open your eyes....you just might find yourself
and i was doing so good too...................................
Love is the red of the rose on my coffin door
What's life like, bleeding on the floor?
the scars on my shoulder remind me of destroying myself ..and the one who made me stop...god send an angel...satan send a demon... just knock me out let me bleed and let me go back to sleep..you cant feal a broken heart in your sleep..only dream of better times
is my love misguided? worst yet wasted? the night of my dreams... beautifull speant with her still i feal empty...lost in the dark searching for the light, candle in hand but nothing to light it with...how do i find myself...ive closed my eyes searched my soul... i cant even find that and if i cant find my soul.... what chance do i have of doing anything...this weekend was awesome yes indeed...but why do i still feal that she doesnt even care i exist or that i'm here... or that i even have fealings for her thats how i feal.. i thought that this weekend would make all that go away.. to hold her again like we used to after we first met... ive been told the light is only truely apreciated after bing lost deep in the shadows.... a kiss sent a flash of light through my world of shadows and all i could see was a deeper black what kind of sign should that be for me?? to have the light but only see black? why do i even feal this way?? i dont know all i can do is write it down get it out of me soo many things on my mind.... the shadows are almost comforting i never thought id say that ever again... i remember the times when i could tell that to myself and i was perfecty happy deep in the darkness...but why??? why now?? everything was looking up...everything was getting better.. to even see her would make me see a fleeting glimpse of the light i soo crave for... i hate being so down god damnit!!!!!!! i know i love her i feal it in me in a heart that is gone, a soul that is lost in the darknes... i dunno why i'm even posting this here ..its the only place left for me i guess... my sorry cry out to the cutter i swore i'd never pick up a blade in that way again and ive been doing good real fucking good too... i'm still doing my best focusing into other things i promised one of teh few ppl that might care id stop my cutting and i did i dunno about tham but i did quit my other bad habits and yes i met her... first time i met a girl in the front of my friends house...it was raining and cool outside...we talked about crashing my friends big ceremony with heavy metal bands and a giant mosh pit.....haha it was the perfect way and the perfect time....dropped by sumone who told you " i love you" soo many times and no exucuse for the sudden i "dont need you anymore" pefect time to meet her...almost got to go ice skating sumthing came up..got her number called her once or twice and teh party was the spark that it all needed...now ifeal as she might not even care... i dont even ever remmeber hearing the few words...that even the toughest blankest stone hard guys die to hear..
and again i come to my question for myself is my love misguided or even wasted?? i feal its not and i feal it might be...all i need is one sign all i need to do is just see what happens...i hate waiting i hate standing by the wayside.. it aggrivates me to the utmost...... i sit here confused..stone hard... and just in the dark like always it sucks soo bad to be here again i thought it would get better by this weekend i knew it would..... i guess i was wrong like i always am..my sad pathetic self ...just alone sumtimes i feal as i should just give it up ya know?? i sumtimes wish it were possible... i used to tell myself love was icing on a cake...but after you have that u need it to feal right and when its gone.... you need it to give you the support and shit you need to forget that life sucks...everything about it sucks
everything
close you mouth and open your eyes....you just might find yourself
and i was doing so good too...................................
Love is the red of the rose on my coffin door
What's life like, bleeding on the floor?
the scars on my shoulder remind me of destroying myself ..and the one who made me stop...god send an angel...satan send a demon... just knock me out let me bleed and let me go back to sleep..you cant feal a broken heart in your sleep..only dream of better times