Sex Ed
T.J. stood with Col. Young at the head of the mess hall. Over a hundred eyes looked at them expectantly as a few stragglers filed into the room. After they sat down, the colonel spoke in an authoritative voice.
“Everybody listen up. T.J. has some things to go over with you. I expect you all to conduct yourselves with respect and courtesy.”
Eli, who was sitting up front with Chloe, leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Why am I getting a flashback to high school assembly?”
“That means you - especially - Eli,” Young said sternly.
“That’s why,” Eli mumbled under his breath.
T.J. stepped forward. Her expression was one of complete seriousness.
“I’m going to be as blunt and honest with you people as possible,” she inhaled sharply as she continued, “We’ve had an outbreak of Chlamydia on board.”
Several people broke into inappropriate giggles.
“Shut up!” Young barked in a very militaristic way; the room sobered quickly; however, Rush, who had been sitting at the back of the room, stood up abruptly.
“Sit your ass down, Rush!”
“Really, Colonel?” Rush asked; a look of amused disbelief was etched on his handsome face. “Are you really going to make me sit through a sexual education class? Somehow, I’ve managed to have sex these past thirty-two years without incident - or issue - so is this really necessary?”
Young smiled with annoyance and malice behind his eyes.
“Well, seeing as how you’re one of the oldest people on this ship, don’t you think it would be prudent to set a good example? Or do you think you should be exempt, considering it’s obviously been awhile since you’ve gotten any?”
“Oh, sod off, you prick! You’re only two years younger than me,” Rush said, angrily plopping back down in his seat rebelliously (for he realized that the colonel wanted him to leave at this point). “And I’ll have you know I can pull any time I want.”
“Thank you, Dr. Rush,” T.J. said harshly before the colonel could further provoke him. “But this is my point precisely. Sex is rampant on this ship. I’m not saying don’t do it. I’m just saying you should all try to be a bit smarter about it. For instance, raise your hand if you’ve had sex with anyone on this ship.”
Chloe raised her hand. Most people did. But she felt bad for Eli, because he was in the minority who didn’t. It was clear he was embarrassed, too; his face was an extraordinary shade of scarlet.
“Everyone who’s only had one partner on this ship, put your hand down,” T.J. said, folding her arms self-consciously across her burgeoning belly. She knew everyone knew she was pregnant by this point, but she was convinced the irony of this conversation wasn’t lost upon them, and she could feel their silent snickers.
Chloe knew that Rush put his hand down, but she was obliged to keep hers raised. She couldn’t even look up; she couldn’t bear the awkward looks she knew were befalling her.
“Oh my God!” Eli exclaimed loudly, momentarily forgetting his own shame as sick realization dawned on him.
“Oh my God!” Scott said, echoing Eli’s sentiment. “I knew it!”
Chloe whipped around in her seat, turning to face him. She hissed, “Oh, be quiet! I see you have your hand up, too.”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t the one who jumped into bed with Rush as soon as we were over.”
“I told you I could still pull!” Rush called loudly and triumphantly from across the room to Young.
Chloe still wasn’t through with Scott.
“We were over way before I slept with Rush.”
“Where is my kino for these golden moments?” Eli asked the air, a bemused smile upon his face.
“But does anyone get my point?” T.J. asked loudly over the chaos. “I’m not your high school nurse. I don’t have an endless supply of condoms. In fact, we don’t have any condoms on this ship at all! And I, for one, would think it a shame if we used the last of our antibiotics to treat Chlamydia and syphilis. So, I’ll say it once more: if you’ve got it, come see me for treatment and please - please - refrain from screwing like rabbits until you’re no longer contagious. It’s that simple.”
Chloe could’ve died then and there. Eli was looking at her funny, as were other people. Some of the ladies were actually congratulating her and asking her what kind of lover Rush was (and giving their own ideas on the subject, as well). It wasn’t the fact that everybody knew, it was the fact that many were now rudely and loudly speculating about her sensual, passionate liaisons. She looked back at Rush who was receiving a hardy pat on the back from Volker, no doubt a cheerful “congratulations on tapping that”.
There was one consolation in becoming a public spectacle: she wouldn’t have to waste time being discreet any longer. Also, she could move into his room, making steamy love sessions that much more convenient. Becoming a source of amusement and gossip was a small price to pay for those luxuries.
“Everybody listen up. T.J. has some things to go over with you. I expect you all to conduct yourselves with respect and courtesy.”
Eli, who was sitting up front with Chloe, leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Why am I getting a flashback to high school assembly?”
“That means you - especially - Eli,” Young said sternly.
“That’s why,” Eli mumbled under his breath.
T.J. stepped forward. Her expression was one of complete seriousness.
“I’m going to be as blunt and honest with you people as possible,” she inhaled sharply as she continued, “We’ve had an outbreak of Chlamydia on board.”
Several people broke into inappropriate giggles.
“Shut up!” Young barked in a very militaristic way; the room sobered quickly; however, Rush, who had been sitting at the back of the room, stood up abruptly.
“Sit your ass down, Rush!”
“Really, Colonel?” Rush asked; a look of amused disbelief was etched on his handsome face. “Are you really going to make me sit through a sexual education class? Somehow, I’ve managed to have sex these past thirty-two years without incident - or issue - so is this really necessary?”
Young smiled with annoyance and malice behind his eyes.
“Well, seeing as how you’re one of the oldest people on this ship, don’t you think it would be prudent to set a good example? Or do you think you should be exempt, considering it’s obviously been awhile since you’ve gotten any?”
“Oh, sod off, you prick! You’re only two years younger than me,” Rush said, angrily plopping back down in his seat rebelliously (for he realized that the colonel wanted him to leave at this point). “And I’ll have you know I can pull any time I want.”
“Thank you, Dr. Rush,” T.J. said harshly before the colonel could further provoke him. “But this is my point precisely. Sex is rampant on this ship. I’m not saying don’t do it. I’m just saying you should all try to be a bit smarter about it. For instance, raise your hand if you’ve had sex with anyone on this ship.”
Chloe raised her hand. Most people did. But she felt bad for Eli, because he was in the minority who didn’t. It was clear he was embarrassed, too; his face was an extraordinary shade of scarlet.
“Everyone who’s only had one partner on this ship, put your hand down,” T.J. said, folding her arms self-consciously across her burgeoning belly. She knew everyone knew she was pregnant by this point, but she was convinced the irony of this conversation wasn’t lost upon them, and she could feel their silent snickers.
Chloe knew that Rush put his hand down, but she was obliged to keep hers raised. She couldn’t even look up; she couldn’t bear the awkward looks she knew were befalling her.
“Oh my God!” Eli exclaimed loudly, momentarily forgetting his own shame as sick realization dawned on him.
“Oh my God!” Scott said, echoing Eli’s sentiment. “I knew it!”
Chloe whipped around in her seat, turning to face him. She hissed, “Oh, be quiet! I see you have your hand up, too.”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t the one who jumped into bed with Rush as soon as we were over.”
“I told you I could still pull!” Rush called loudly and triumphantly from across the room to Young.
Chloe still wasn’t through with Scott.
“We were over way before I slept with Rush.”
“Where is my kino for these golden moments?” Eli asked the air, a bemused smile upon his face.
“But does anyone get my point?” T.J. asked loudly over the chaos. “I’m not your high school nurse. I don’t have an endless supply of condoms. In fact, we don’t have any condoms on this ship at all! And I, for one, would think it a shame if we used the last of our antibiotics to treat Chlamydia and syphilis. So, I’ll say it once more: if you’ve got it, come see me for treatment and please - please - refrain from screwing like rabbits until you’re no longer contagious. It’s that simple.”
Chloe could’ve died then and there. Eli was looking at her funny, as were other people. Some of the ladies were actually congratulating her and asking her what kind of lover Rush was (and giving their own ideas on the subject, as well). It wasn’t the fact that everybody knew, it was the fact that many were now rudely and loudly speculating about her sensual, passionate liaisons. She looked back at Rush who was receiving a hardy pat on the back from Volker, no doubt a cheerful “congratulations on tapping that”.
There was one consolation in becoming a public spectacle: she wouldn’t have to waste time being discreet any longer. Also, she could move into his room, making steamy love sessions that much more convenient. Becoming a source of amusement and gossip was a small price to pay for those luxuries.