(no subject)
I've been reading a lot from my freshman in college friends about their first summer back from college (you know who you are) and I can't help but think about my first summer back....it was such a trip. Everything was new and I felt as though I had learned so much about myself in the year that I was gone. Of course, nothing was the same after that first summer but I never realized how much a "changed person" I became after that year. Naturally I feel like I'm the person I'll be for the rest of my life but I'm sure I'm not. I'll change about ten million times before I become the Sophie I'll be before I die and I bet even more money than I'll ever have that I'll be over retirement age before that happens but I know that I'm so close to starting my grown up life. I'm very close. My mom always told me, when I was little, that it’s hard to understand that I had never yet met the most important people that will ever exist in my entire life (My children.) I feel like my children or even my future husband (whether it be Roozbeh or not) are so much closer than I can imagine. Of course, when I say close I mean it rather relatively. For example, I'm 21 now and I don't imagine it will take 21 more years to have a family. I don't even want to get married before 27 or 30 but even then, 27 is only six years away. I was a sophomore in high school six years ago and that feels like yesterday. Not that I feel like I'm ready for anything as serious as marriage or children...because I know I'm not, but I feel like I'm in that awkward stage of not wanting to make a serious choice about my life and still being on the cusp of my adult hood. I'm closer to being to settled down in my life than not (which is not to be confused with being ready to settle down because 7 years ago I was closer to never wanting to even think about any of that). This already sounds bi-polar. I just know that I feel like I’m at the point where I’ll be showing up to family dinners and not feel like a kid trying to be a grown up but quite possibly just be the adult....that scares me but I'm ready. To put it into a little perspective for myself, my mother already had a two and a half year old and was five months pregnant with me at my current age and she was always my big, mature, scary mom but really, she was just a little girl herself. Above all, I’m ready to do what I want and experience my life the best I can. I feel that my summer in Tahoe is going to be amazing. How could it not? I’m sure I’ll learn more about myself again and that’s welcome, but when its done, what is next for me? The transition of puberty was bad enough. We all thought that was bad. Too bad hormones made everyone so melodramatic that they didn’t realize the tougher transition is from immature, irresponsible, carefree student to real adult in the real world when everyone is supposed to be more calm and collected about what is going on around us. I guess everyone learns that the hard way.
On a side note,
Dear Tahoe,
Don’t let me down. I saved a lot of money to live in you and nothing will ruin this summer.
Sincerely,
Sophie