Dead
I'll admit, I've been trying to write lately. (Reading fanfic is always the first step back into fandom. well, that and having a fandom.) I tried NaNo this year, got about 6k in, and then dropped out because fuck my life. (15 credit hours is too much for me; I suspect it would not be if teachers did not have a universal system of when to give out major assignments; seriously, it's like clockwork, one teacher says "TEST THIS WEEK," and then s do the other four.)
Um, anyway, just after NaNo I got into a big writing mood, and I mean, it's still just bits and pieces of original fiction (the more I write it, the more I focus on what I should do to make it publisheable in a capacity that will make me money, and the less I actually follow through with my idea of publisheable, and the more I let the usual slash and fairy-jargon seep in), but that's how it starts every time, so. Progress?
Honest-to-god, this makes me want to cry. I mean, I really don't cry over just anything--I promise, I don't--(just Zirah, and Ace, and god, this author is no longer online--and why didn't I save any of her work?)
To be honest, I hadn't been keeping up with her for quite some time. She dropped off in 2009, according to FanLore, which sounds about right--I mean, that's about the time I graduated, and I was into western fandoms, mostly, at the time (Supernatural, and Merlin, and then Naruto, which to the best of my knowledge, she hasn't written), so I mean, I guess it makes sense that I hadn't known, but still.
It feels like a betrayal when fans do this, y'know? In this case I'm overreacting, though, I know I am because she was one of the first really amazing authors I'd read. She was actually one of the first authors I read in fandom, period. That's significant, too, I suppose.
The Wayback Machine doesn't have her pages, no one seems to have anything but Highlander or X-Files by her, either (I've always had this horrible fear of the X-Files and its fandom; my mom took me to see the movie when I was 8, and I don't remember any of it now, but I have a paralyzing fear of aliens, and the theme song still scares the shit out of me), because some of the archives with those fics were just so old. (They're only a decade, really, that's not that old, except for the internet it kind of is, and god--I've been reading her stuff since I was 13, christ that's 7 years in fandom, for sure. At least. So old.)
Last information I could get on This Writer was that she wanted to work on original fiction, and all that's left of her sites now is an email address. I'm afraid to send anything to it--I mean, how weird is that going to sound? I just feel so awkward. I'll cave in a few days, but until then... I don't know.
I keep thinking of Maya--she was a Harry Potter BNF. I never read her stuff, but I heard the ripples when she went offline and decided to go pro. I don't feel comfortable with that idea. I can understand authors who don't want to associate with their own fandoms, especially when writing a series (legal concerns--y'know?) but, to forsake fandom entirely? I don't know that's what This Author did, but it still stings.
I've said before how much fandom means, and I know a lot of fans joke about wanting to troll their own fandoms some day, but. Really, it means a lot, and I really want to do a oneshot novel so I can troll my fandom. (Oneshots don't usually build fandoms though, series do.)
It doesn't seem right to abandon fandom after going pro. It lends a feeling of falseness to any friendships made, any communities built. It's like forsaking everyone who taught you anything.
Maybe everyone else didn't learn how to write from fandom. Some people had to know going in, I imagine. Still, after the sense of community it brought, I think I would become too spoiled by the interaction to ever give that up.
So, there's my piece for the next month.
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Um, anyway, just after NaNo I got into a big writing mood, and I mean, it's still just bits and pieces of original fiction (the more I write it, the more I focus on what I should do to make it publisheable in a capacity that will make me money, and the less I actually follow through with my idea of publisheable, and the more I let the usual slash and fairy-jargon seep in), but that's how it starts every time, so. Progress?
Honest-to-god, this makes me want to cry. I mean, I really don't cry over just anything--I promise, I don't--(just Zirah, and Ace, and god, this author is no longer online--and why didn't I save any of her work?)
To be honest, I hadn't been keeping up with her for quite some time. She dropped off in 2009, according to FanLore, which sounds about right--I mean, that's about the time I graduated, and I was into western fandoms, mostly, at the time (Supernatural, and Merlin, and then Naruto, which to the best of my knowledge, she hasn't written), so I mean, I guess it makes sense that I hadn't known, but still.
It feels like a betrayal when fans do this, y'know? In this case I'm overreacting, though, I know I am because she was one of the first really amazing authors I'd read. She was actually one of the first authors I read in fandom, period. That's significant, too, I suppose.
The Wayback Machine doesn't have her pages, no one seems to have anything but Highlander or X-Files by her, either (I've always had this horrible fear of the X-Files and its fandom; my mom took me to see the movie when I was 8, and I don't remember any of it now, but I have a paralyzing fear of aliens, and the theme song still scares the shit out of me), because some of the archives with those fics were just so old. (They're only a decade, really, that's not that old, except for the internet it kind of is, and god--I've been reading her stuff since I was 13, christ that's 7 years in fandom, for sure. At least. So old.)
Last information I could get on This Writer was that she wanted to work on original fiction, and all that's left of her sites now is an email address. I'm afraid to send anything to it--I mean, how weird is that going to sound? I just feel so awkward. I'll cave in a few days, but until then... I don't know.
I keep thinking of Maya--she was a Harry Potter BNF. I never read her stuff, but I heard the ripples when she went offline and decided to go pro. I don't feel comfortable with that idea. I can understand authors who don't want to associate with their own fandoms, especially when writing a series (legal concerns--y'know?) but, to forsake fandom entirely? I don't know that's what This Author did, but it still stings.
I've said before how much fandom means, and I know a lot of fans joke about wanting to troll their own fandoms some day, but. Really, it means a lot, and I really want to do a oneshot novel so I can troll my fandom. (Oneshots don't usually build fandoms though, series do.)
It doesn't seem right to abandon fandom after going pro. It lends a feeling of falseness to any friendships made, any communities built. It's like forsaking everyone who taught you anything.
Maybe everyone else didn't learn how to write from fandom. Some people had to know going in, I imagine. Still, after the sense of community it brought, I think I would become too spoiled by the interaction to ever give that up.
So, there's my piece for the next month.
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